For Sponsees

MY EXPERIENCE

As an alcoholic working my steps I’ve always felt uncomfortable when I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be working on in order to get through and complete each step. Often times it was a fear of me asking for clarification, but other times my sponsor either wasn’t clear or available for me to contact and meet with.

As your sponsor, I want to make sure I am clear on how to help you work through each step and move to the next, so you never have to feel that way. I also want to reiterate that I am always here for you, available, and happy to explain anything as many times as necessary for you to fully understand. Calling me is never an imposition – you are always a priority in my life.

INTIAL SUGGESTED SHEETS

In starting out together I first and foremost want to encourage you to fill out the Trigger Sheet, the Unmanageability Worksheet, the Powerlessness Worksheet, and to use the AM/PM Worksheets everyday. The basis for the AM/PM sheets is to create a ritual (along with morning/evening prayer) as a way of grounding yourself and incorporating the program into your daily life.

DAILY JOURNALING

I also encourage daily journaling, which includes: 1. The date & location where you’re journaling at that moment. 2. A check in on what’s happened in your life since you last journaled. 3. A list of things you’re grateful for. 4. Optional: Grocery lists, to do lists, business ideas, sketches, etc.

PRIMARY BOOKS NEEDED

As a guide to working the steps, I use the TWELVE STEP SPONSORSHIP BOOK (written by Hamilton B), in conjunction with the BIG BOOK and the TWELVE & TWELVE. I suggest that you purchase this book if possible (if you can’t I will get you a copy – just ask), and then read the indicated readings for each Step outlined in this book (see below). There are other books I read (you can see the link on this site), but I suggest you start with the BB and 12&12, along with your journal.

READ ONE PAGE, HIGHLIGHT & SUMMARIZE

When you READ, I suggest HIGHLIGHTING what’s important to you and writing no more than 5 words boldly in BLOCK TEXT at the top of each page summarizing what you’ve highlighted, so you can later find it quickly by scrolling through the pages. I encourage daily reading as a ritual. See “SUGGESTED READINGS” below.

MEMORIZING, REVIEWING W/ME & PROJECTS

For each step I encourage you to MEMORIZE something pertinent to that step from the Big Book or the 12&12 (see the list below). When we get together we’ll REVIEW your readings and the questions posed in each Step Chapter from the Sponsorship Book. Then there is usually a PROJECT and/or ritual done together (you and me) to signify the end of the step and the beginning of the next step. I will reveal the project to you AFTER you and I finish the step. See “SUGGESTED MEMORIZATIONS” below.

ADDITIONAL STEP-WORK

For some steps (like 4 and 6/7 and 8) I have additional sheets and readings you may or may not wish to use, depending on your length of sobriety, whether you have done the steps before, and how deep you want to go. You can see these sheets in the PDF link on this site. The morning sheet is one I highly encourage you to incorporate into your daily (preferably morning) rituals.

IN SUMMATION

I hope this clarifies the way I see as best to go through the steps and if you have any question or suggestions please let me know. I love you and am so grateful for the honor of working with you and having your friendship and trust. And remember, these are but suggestions that have worked well for me, and helped me find a better, more enriching life. Never be hard on yourself for not doing any of this work rigorously or consistently enough, just gently remind yourself to continue working it as best you can, remembering and congratulating yourself along the way, that you are doing a lot more now for your program and life, than you used to do.

SUGGESTED READINGS

1-BB 17-43; 12&12 21-24

2-BB 44-57; 12&12 25-33

3-BB 60-64; 12&12 34-41

4-BB 63-71; 12&12 42-54

5 BB 72-75; 12&12 55-62

6 BB 76; 12&12 63-69

7 BB 76; 12&12 70-76 (Advanced: Drop the Rock Book)

8 BB 76; 12&12 77-82

9 BB 76-84; 12&12 83-87

10 BB 84-85; 12&12 88-95

11 BB 85-88; 12&12 96-105

12 BB 89-103 & 569-570; 12&12 106-125

SUGGESTED MEMORIZATIONS

1-BB page 417 or 449: “And acceptance is the answer… attitudes.”

2-12&12 page 32 “The fact was… Thy will be done.”

3-BB page 63 “God, I offer myself… Thy will always!”

4-BB page 60-61 “Each person is like an actor… The show doesn’t come off very well.”

5-12&12 pages 56-56 “Most of us would declare… Willing to try this.”

6-12&12 page 67 “Self righteous anger… our own righteousness.”

7-BB page 76 “My creator…Amen.”

8-BB page 58 “Rarely have we seen… The capacity to be honest.”

9-BB page 83/84 “If we are painstaking… If we work for them.”

10-12&12 page 90 “It is a spiritual axiom… Than have we alcoholics.”

11-12&12 page 99 “Lord make me a channel…Amen.”

12-BB page 89 “Practical experience… Work with other alcoholics.”


8 thoughts on “For Sponsees

    • Tahir, this is an AWESOME resource for mp3′s of AA and other 12 step speakers. I’ve been using it for years and suggest everyone with an mp3 player or iPod download these, and anyone with a CD player burn them onto CD’s. Thanks so much!

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  1. Wow! Great testimony… I am relating a lot to your story. I have 5 days shy of two years clean and I have gone to less than a hand full of meetings. However, I have a standing agreement with a close friend who is still using (heroin) that as soon as she is ready to quit, I will help her detox at home; rather likely a hotel. Despite not having gone to meetings, I want to be prepared for my friend. I love her so much and do not want her to fail; so I know somewhere in me that working the steps is necessary for lasting success. In your introduction to one of the worksheets, you offered to supply a Big Book if I could not afford it. I really would like to be fully equipped next week when this rapid detox takes place. I need something to distract her with and to also set her up with a mindset of positive progression. Please get back to me. Thank you.

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    • Aloha… Firstly regarding the Big Book. Many meetings offer them free of cost, and if you have trouble finding one, just respond back with your address (I will not publish it), and I’d be happy to send you one. You can also get it free online at http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions is free online here http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/. Being sober now 31 years I have spent some time away from meetings. In fact, I went to only a few meetings during the first 7 years of my sobriety – and I can tell you from personal experience: I will never do that again. Working the program alone is not nearly as rewarding, from a life loving standpoint, as working it with others. It’s easy to see lots of differences in meetings, and get bored by others shares, and judge them, but the more spiritually healthy I am, the more I can hear the good stuff in the shares, and see the wonderfulness in the other drunks around me. Plus my ears are open to the secrets I often hear which I can apply to my life in order to better love it. I encourage you to try to find great meetings close by, perhaps smaller more intimate ones, where you can get to know those around you, and when you walk in the room they call you out by your name and make you feel welcome, a part of the group, and are truly grateful you are there to share your life with them. Lots of magic happens for me in meetings – especially in the men’s stags. Now, regarding your assistance in helping your friend detox. This is really an AlAnon issue. I’m not sure if you’ve attended AlAnon at all, but it’s a great idea for anyone sober, in my opinion. They say to try 7 different meetings before deciding if AlAnon is right for you – that was important for me to hear in the beginning because there are quite a few AlAnon meetings where I didn’t make feel welcome – rather I felt like the bad Alcoholic they were talking about. But eventually I found an amazing meeting, and AlAnon has been instrumental in helping me have successful relationships both with Alcoholic/Addicts, and the rest of the people in the world. AlAnon teaches us boundaries – how to stop doing those things that cause more harm to us and others, and when to separate from toxic situations (if possible, with love). The principles in that program are the ones I use in my interactions with others. I hope I’ve helped in some small way, and I apologize for not answering you sooner. I only recently remembered I had this blog. I’ll be more attentive from now on. James.

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