Right Giving Creates Love

“…the secret of happiness is in giving. It is the heart and soul of our spiritual life.” — In God’s Care

I love helping others, giving gifts, doing random acts of kindness, and giving to those in need. I’m a helper at heart. 

While giving is great, I’ve learned that there are situations in which it causes more damage than good. 

With the exception of supervising at work or with young children, when I try to manage, direct or control someone else’s affairs, without being asked to do so, that behavior is harmful to both of us. 

In the past, I’ve used the excuse of “being helpful” to justify this behavior. The truth is, “helping” gives me a sense of superiority by having the answer or knowing the “right” way someone else should do something. Attempting to get others to do things my way only gives me the illusion of control and safety, while others rebel against my dominance and righteousness. My goal is to love and be loved – but this behavior actually does the opposite — it pushes people away. 

And rescuing others from the consequences of their actions, in the name of “being of service o” deprives them of the ability to understand the harm they’ve done, learn from it, and grow into a more responsible, happier person. My unsolicited help deprives them of that opportunity. 

Likewise, when I give to others at the expense of taking care of myself, depriving me of those things that make me feel comfortable and safe, I’m bound to be hurt. 

Right giving creates love for me and others. It comes from a genuine desire to do what’s best for others, only when it’s appropriate for me to help, when I’m welcomed to do so, and provided that I am concurrently taking care of myself spiritually, emotionally and physically. 

Today I will give to others when it’s truly in everyone’s best interest. ILML! 

— JamieQ

I Have A Choice

“I can choose to let it define me, confine me, refine me, outshine me, or I can choose to move on and leave it behind me.” – Anonymous

When anything happens to me, I have a choice: hold onto it or let it go. These days I do as the program suggests: I take what I like and leave the rest. Alanon taught me to detach from toxic thoughts, behaviors, people and experiences. I can learn from every experience I have, but I get to choose what memories I hold on to. I love keeping my focus on the good ones and ILML!

— JamieQ

“What if… 

“What if… we knew everything was okay, and we didn’t have to worry about a thing?… We’d be free to let go and enjoy life.” – The Language of Letting Go 

Worrying about things makes me fearful. “What’s gonna happen if…?”. It’s also living in the future – and focusing on an unpleasant possibility. Instead, it’s much better for me to stay in the present by appreciating what’s all around me. The sunshine, blue sky, trees, etc. And when I really feel the need to take a trip into the future, I may as well focus on the wonderful possibilities. After all, if it’s true that we manifest our lives, I’d rather manifest happiness. Awoke super early, weeded my yard and ILML! 

— JamieQ

“… to grow spiritually, to gain peace of mind — relinquishing our self-will must be one habitual.” In God’s Care

I was recently talking to a friend about spiritually awakening. I love that phrase. To awaken to the spiritual wonderment that is life itself. But when I’m too focused on trying to make sure it all goes according to my plans (self-will), my vision narrows and peace often alludes me. Today I will make plans but then relax, breath and let life flow the way it wants to. I love feeling peaceful and ILML!  

Red Traffic Light

“I can stay angry, or I can use it as a signal that I need to change” Hope For Today 

Yesterday I got a call from a Sponsee. He said that he had gotten into a verbal altercation with an old Korean woman who refused to pay $1.21 for her coffee, because she thought it was 99¢. After minutes of her abuse to the cashier he lost it. During our call he had to go because the police were calling him. He later told me the police said “maybe next time you ought to just walk away?”

My anger is a like a red traffic light saying stop or you may get into an accident. Today, if I get angry, I’ll do just that. Stop. Detach. Breath. But luckily, right now, I’m not angry and ILML!  

Concentrated Good

“Let fears slip away. Release any negative, limiting, or self-defeating beliefs… Let peace and joy and love replace fear.” – The Language of Letting Go 

Fear, anger, disappointment, hurt, self-pity and confusion are part of life. I can’t deny these feelings, I’m human.  What the program has shown me is that I have a choice as to which feelings I want to hold onto. Once I determine that those feelings, thoughts and beliefs are no longer in my best interest, I can let them go by simply become aware of them and then taking the actions I’ve learned to bring in the concentrated gOOd (which I call gOd). And then… ILML! 

Time to Enjoy Life

“The joy of living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step, and action is its key word.” – 12&12 p.106

I sometimes forget that the program says, once we’ve really done our best to work the first Eleven Steps, it’s time to enjoy life. I do that by letting go of old behaviors that no longer serve me, and choosing new actions I’ve learned through working my program. Sure there will always be bumps in the road, but I no longer need to make mountains out of them. When I consistently practice these principles in all my affairs, I get to enjoy life. This new way of living rocks. ILML! 

— JamieQ