I want the God thing but don’t believe. How do I get it?
(Note this is only my personal opinion, not the official opinion of any 12 step program).
I was in the same position at about 10 years sober. I really wanted to have all the great stuff everyone in meetings talked about because of their connection with the higher power. I asked someone who had been around for a long time what to do, and his suggestion worked for me. He said to get on my knees every morning and thank God for another day sober. To ask to do his will. To tell him some things I’m grateful for. He told me to do this at night too, before going to bed.
I told him I can do as he suggests, but that would make me sacrilegious because I didn’t believe in God. He suggested I try being sacrilegious for a week and if I didn’t feel any different, stop doing it.
It took me 3 days before I realized that I was starting to feel better by doing as suggested. I wasn’t exactly sure I believed, but I did feel more comfortable in my own skin (even if it did feel a bit religious). That was over 22 years ago, and I still go right out of bed on my knees every morning and again before getting in bed. Today I do believe in some sort of higher power that I don’t understand, but I have a friendship with it/him/her that makes my life a million times better. I can’t intellectualize it, but if feels really good to have a HP.