Happy Wife, Happy Life

“… cultivate relationships that are free from manipulation and control.” —Reaching for Personal Freedom 

This morning my wife and I got into one of those disagreements. She wanted us to do one thing. I wanted us to do something else. In a relationship that’s equal, as opposed to hierarchical (parent/child, boss/employee, etc), resolving differences of opinion is challenging. Lucky for us, she is usually right (lol), and often times I come around to her way of thinking (probably because doing my will has frequently been the cause of suffering). Initially I interpret see her wanting her way as manipulation and control, when in fact, it’s usually an attempt to make healthy choices for us. It’s only through this program that I have learned to lower my defenses (a little) and try harder to listen to her. I sometimes still let my self-will run riot and do it my way (yes I’m stubborn). But when her decision is really what’s best for us, and I trust her, she is happier, we are happier and ILML! 

— JamieQ

Turning It Upside Down

Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and heart
True happiness can be attained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say 
Today was a very good day” 
(Now read it from bottom to top, the other way, nd see what I really feel about my day.) — Worst Day Ever? – by Chanie Gorkin

This perfect illustrates the idea that how we feel about our life matters much more than the circumstances of our life. When we learn to shift our perspective (completely turn it around or upside down) and search for the goodness in life — no matter what is happening — we can become optimist again. And that optimism has the power to change our circumstances for the better. When I take the actions necessary to shift my attitude back into gratitude, ILML! 

– JamieQ


“Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.” – AA p.62

“It’s amazing how often I’ve stepped on the toes of my fellows, and then declared loudly “But they stepped on my toes first!” On page 61 of the Big Book it says “Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame.” That sounds like most of us. We may have done something small wrong, but — boy oh boy — let me they’ll you what THEY did! Here’s the bottom line. Blaming=Hopelessness. When I blame, they are wrong, I can’t control them, ergo I’m a victim and am justified in feeling hurt. Epic. Just how I want to feel… NOT! When I man up, find my “tiny” part, resolve to do better, and apologize (the hard part), I take back my power, am immediately realeased from the prison of victimhood, hope and happiness flood in and, of course, once again… ILML! 

— JamieQ

Santa Made me Happy

“As you grow in the spiritual life, you will be enabled to do many things that seemed too hard for you before.” — 24 Hours a Day

Believing, trusting and having a relationship with God ALWAYS makes life better. Is it really possible that believing in something like Santa Clause can give you happiness, peace and abundance? Absolutely! Didn’t the idea of Santa make you happy when you were young? When I finally hit my emotional bottom in recovery I suspended my disbelief and dipped my toe into the God concept. The water wasn’t freezing. It felt nice. I put my foot in, then my leg, and finally I jumped in. It felt warm and luxurious. When I hang out with my higher power my struggles subside — happiness, peace and abundance flow in. The reality for me is that whenever God is by my side, ILML! 

— JamieQ

I Get Brainwashed

“One of my primary responsibilities is to take care of myself. I will find a small way to do something for my mind, body, and spirit today.” – Courage to Change 

I loved that the reading suggested doing things like taking a bubble bath, a bike ride or a nap. Too often I’m overwhelmed with my sense of responsibility and choose helping others over helping myself. Thank God I insist on taking the time each day for doing my rituals. These clear my mind of worry and stress. They remind me how blessed I am. I get brainwashed – bad thoughts out – good thoughts in. And when I’m finished, as always, ILML! 

– JamieQ

The Lights are On

“Many of us need continual reminders that detailed attention to the present moment is the only way to prepare for future opportunities and dreams.” —  In God’s Care

Regreting the past and  worrying about the future used to be a daily pastime of mine. Thankfully, because I work the program so rigorously, these are just fleeting thoughts that no longer dominate my mind. I may not be able to control my future, but I definitely play a part in whether my dreams become reality or not. By centering myself spiritually, my decisions are better. They’re  guided from a place of love, not fear. By waking up early and doing those things I may not be excited to do — cleaning house, paying bills, exercising,  calling clients, etc — I reap the rewards of success. My house is clean. The lights are on. My body is strong. I’m self supporting. Today I’ll step up and do those things I’m tempted to procrastinate on and watch my dreams manifest as ILML! 

– JamieQ

A Very Open Mind

“If you try to keep an open mind you will find help.” – AlAnon Closing

Why is an open mind so important when it comes to solving problems that seem impossible to resolve, uncomfortable feelings that we can’t seem to get out of, or a sense of hopelessness that simply won’t go away? Because the help we need often comes from a spiritual source. And having a relationship with a God requires a very, very open mind, particularly if you are so smart that you know, for sure, that there is no God. Like I did. So how is it that God’s my friend now? Because I hurt enough that I chose believe and trust in a loving higher power – whether real or not. As a result, I now handle situations with an ease and grace I couldn’t do alone. I smile and laugh more often. I’m a nicer husband, father and son. I work more efficiently. I choose healthy relationships. I set boundaries and step out when necessary. I’m proud of myself. And most importantly, ILML! 

– JamieQ