When reacting in love becomes more important than winning, the fear of losing disappears.
Today love is my focus. Winning is not. ILML!
Author: JamesQ
Loving Life on Valentines Day
From Attitudes of Gratitude: “The more loving we are, the more love we feel”.
A great message for Valentine’s Day. As wondrous as the love from relationships is, we can also experience love in so many other ways. Loving nature, loving the gift of life, sobriety, sleeping, eating, sight, taste, the sun on our face are just a few. By living consciously aware of so much to love, loving all of it, and sharing our love of life with others, we get to celebrate our passion of being alive with everyone we come into contact with. Spreading our life loving mantra all over the world. Happy Valentines Day and thanks for sharing your love of life with me.
Judgements, Resentments & Self-pity
“We should avoid extreme judgments, both of ourselves and of others…” 12&12 p82
Resentments and self-pity start with a negative judgement. Though the thing I’m judging may in fact be “not ok”, my suffering comes more from regurgitating it. In recovery I live in awareness of how that type of thinking prevents me from being happy, so I must choose to let it go, and find something to be grateful for. Only by doing this do I get to get back to the business of loving my life!
Detaching From Obsession
C2C p43
“Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves.”
I have a person in my life whose behavior I do not agree with. So, detachment and acceptance is my only answer. I was bothered yesterday but not today. I am serene and happy. The Program allows me to handle situations that used to baffle me…or really piss me off. Ilml!
Loving The Best
From page 19 in The Best of Bill it says “Let us always love the best in others – and never fear their worst”.
When I focus on what’s wrong with other people, they look worse, and I’m more miserable. The next time I do that, I’ll stop. Then I’ll focus on the good stuff. When I do that, everything gets better. That’s what I love about recovery, I don’t need to be upset for more than a few minutes each day when I use the tools. ILML
This is a great reminder that when I’m thinking other than loving thoughts about people, it means I’m in fear about something (usually fearing I’m not getting treated how I want to be).
Just because they did something that I disapprove of, doesn’t mean I need to focus on it, or fear it will happen again, or that the consequences of their behavior will hurt me. I’ve found for every character defect, there’s an opposite and opposing wonderful character trait. In fact, as my step-mom, a faithful Alanon always said, “Our defects are simply our assets out of balance”. So, rather than focusing on the defect, let me realize that they are just like me – a little out of balance every once in awhile. This allows me to move from resentment to compassion, opening up the door to see the good in everything. And when I do that, I realize once again, that indeed, ILML.
No Longer Alone
ADAAT Feb 11
“None of us needs ever to be alone again, because each of us in our own way works for the good of others. We are bound together by a common problem that can be solved by love and understanding and mutual service. The Program- like the little wheel in the old hymn- runs by the grace of God.”
I have good friends and a close relationship with my family today which is a true blessing. I’m not alone like it seemed I was for a long time. You are all gifts in my life. I’m very grateful. Ilml!
Spiritual Text From Jason
DR p49
“Today my choice is God. He is everything. When I think I am running the show I am blocking God from my life. I pray I can remember this when I allow myself to get caught up into self.”
I need this program so bad. I’ve been caught up in self a bit and I hit roadblocks at every turn it seems. I want peace a serenity in my life, so I choose to do my sw today. Ilml!
Spiritual Text From James
In the 12&12 on page 114, on dealing with life’s problems, big and small, it says “Our answer is in still more spiritual development. Only by this means can we improve our chances for really happy and useful living.”
When new in recovery, and still struggling in my belief of a “God”, an AA member interrupted me when I started explaining a problem, saying “the answer is God”. I didn’t understand but now do: everything gets better when I apply spiritual principles to it – and every time I do it, my life gets better quickly! LML in Maui – hoping you are too, wherever you are!
How to Work & Finish Step 1
Hi Everyone,
I’m often asked what someone new needs to do to complete their first step with me. The truth is, since my program is always changing and evolving, it’s often different as time passes. However, as of now, here’s a general answer. If you do all of this, you’re definitely working a rigorous program of action, and I guarantee you are loving your love WAY MORE:
1) Order ALL the books (including a journal) on this site. If you can’t afford them, talk to me and we’ll work it out.
2) Get a backpack to put the books in. This will be called your Spiritual Backback, it’s your lifeline to sanity and loving life.
3) Print out the worksheets on the 1st step, along with the page “Sponsorship with Clarification” (SWC). Read SWC, and do the worksheets. The AM Worksheet should be done every day at least until the 1st step is formally finished.
4) Read every page of the 12 Step Sponsorship Book through the end of Step one. Start at the inside cover, where it’s blank. Write something on that, and all other blank pages (like: This book will guide me through the steps, for example), or anything that comes to mind. Highlight one word of what you’ve written, write 5 words or less at the top of that page. Read one page per day, do the highlighting and writing at the top of each page. To finish the step you’ll want to answer all the questions on Step 1 in your journal (rewrite the question, then answer it).
5) Approach ALL other books you’ve ordered in the same way as just mentioned, with the exception of daily readers that are dated (note that the 12 Step Pray Book has dates of pages to read each day – look in the front). For books that run on, you can go over on page and to the end of the paragraph on the next page. If it’s a section, the following day, review what was highlighted before in that section and then continue.
6) Throughout your reading you are to be highlighting that which you find inspirational, or that which resonates for you. Try not to highlight huge sections, but just the meat of it, otherwise the whole of many of these books will be highlighted. I encourage you to also make notes in margins and at the bottom if you choose. When reading and highlighting, you are looking for something really great to text out to others in your Recovery Text Group (RTG). Put me on the group first. If you don’t have texting, you can email it. If you don’t have access to a computer, I suggest writing it in your journal each day (see below).
7) Journaling is the taking of daily inventory. I’ve found it fundamental to my happiness in recovery. Write the date, where you are located at that moment, what’s transpired since your last entry, any feelings you have, amends you may have (I suggest making them in the middle of journaling, right after written, if possible), and then your gratitude list of at least 5 things.
8) Memorize the memorization for Step 1 outlined on the Sponsorship with Clarification worksheet.
7) In order to finish the step, you’ll want to have your questions answered in your 12 Step Sponsorship Book, the pages from the cover to the end of Step One done in the step work book (currently A New Day, A New Life), your memorization done perfectly (not even one word wrong – try printing it out and hanging it in your bathroom and reading it each morning), The pages indicated in the 12 & 12 and Big Book read, highlighted and written upon. If you live near me and we can meet in person, we’ll review the 4 books together (Big Book, 12 & 12, 12 Step Sponsorship Book, and Step Work Book). You’ll recite your memorization and I’ll give you a fun 5 minute 1st step project to do which celebrates the achievement of finishing your 1st step. If you live in another city, state or country, we can do it over the phone, ichat, Skype, or Facetime (if you have the new iPhone).
And that’s my general suggestion what you need to do in order to finish the 1st Step, and move on to Step 2, with me as your sponsor.
Love Letters
On May 28th Richie and I read out of Until Today. The page (attached) suggested writing love letters. Today, several of us are doing this regularly. If you want to love yourself (and others) more, read the page and give it a try. Then comment about your experience writing love letters below. Thanks and enjoy the process (I sure do)!
12 Step Work 