“ When someone says something to me and I have a strong reaction – wanting to cry, wanting to rage, or thinking I am inferior – I stop and visualize two doors. One is marked “Same old, same old” or “My Will.” The other is marked “New and different” or “God’s Will.” … other people’s behavior belongs to them and I don’t have to make it mine by reacting to it.” – Hope For Today p. 312
This is exactly the type of reminder that encourages me to change my icky behavior. Lately I’ve been hyper-aware of this glowing defect that seems to stubbornly rear it’s ugly head up and out of my mouth: I’m reacting to others words – especially my wife’s.
You would think with so many years in recovery, and working my program so diligently, I’d be cured of this destructive defect. And knowing how much it hurts her, while loving her so much, that I would be able to retrain my reactions. But for some reason, I’m having a difficult time pausing, listening, and saying ‘you may be right’ or ‘would you like me to just listen’ or ‘can I have some time to think about what you’ve said before I respond’.
I’ve used these simple words in the past and what they do for me is allow me to consider what she is saying and actually give myself permission to not have to respond immediately. These tools work really, really well. Still, as I said, lately I haven’t been using them.
That’s why I’m so grateful for the readings I do each day. They remind me that i have a choice. I can be right or happy. I want happy. And I’m willing to take the action to get it. Just finished speaking at a meeting. Now eating an avocado burrito. ILML! – James