Avoiding Unsolicited Advice, Opinions & Help

“When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help… Let It Begin With Me.” – AlAnon
I love this concept – it’s from a tent card we read at the end of one of my regular meetings. But it works best with another Alanon saying “Did they ask?” These reminders make it clear that, although I am always ready and willing to be of service, I am not obligated to, nor should I, provide help to others UNLESS and UNTIL they specifically ask for my help – EVEN if I think it’s really important for them to have my help or opinion. By refraining from helping when not asked and refraining from offering my unsolicited opinions and advice, I allow others the dignity to experience their own process, even if that includes a small burn from the stove. And when asked for advice, often the best answer is to simply ask them what they think is the best course of action. By giving this type of respect to others, my relationships blossom, I’m happier with my behavior, and ILML! 

– JamieQ

2 thoughts on “Avoiding Unsolicited Advice, Opinions & Help

  1. Love the post! I remember the saying “I would rather see a sermon than hear one any day”. By working the program I can show by example.


    • So true! I love the saying “Your actions are so loud I can’t hear what you’re saying!”. It reminds me that living amends are much more valuable than spoken ones.


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