“… people are never perfect… ” – Tom Robbins, Attitudes of Gratitude in Love
I wasted much of my life trying to find the perfect person, in romance, business and friendship. My focus was on getting people (places and things) to change so I could be happy. In program I learned that the only way to create lasting happiness was to do the work to better myself and help others.
But sometimes those I love do things that hurt me. I’ve learned that rather than engaging or asking them to stop, I simply help them understand what’s uncomfortable to me. I do that by (1) letting them know what behavior is uncomfortable, (2) explaining that they can continue but I will quickly detach from them when that behavior happens, and then (3) consistently, quickly and temporarily detach (as kindly as possible) when they behave in that way. This shows them that I am honoring myself and encourages them to honor me too if they would like to be in my company. It works when I work it, and lately, I’ve been working it. As a result, ILML!