“Let me remember that the reason for making amends is to free my own mind of an uneasiness.” – Hope for Today

This reminds me that amends is, first and foremost, a selfish act designed to free me of the burdens of guilt, remorse and resentment. The success of my amends is not predicated upon the reaction or acceptance of the one I make amends to. Rather, all I need to do in order for my amends to be successful is to make the amends. The toughest amends for me are to those I resent. Usually I’m secretly hoping they will make amends after I make mine, a set-up for me to be even more resentful. And regarding timing, I’ve learned to make amends as soon as possible, and do it for that transgression only once (regardless of their reaction) rather than again and again, hoping they will forgive me or say they are sorry to me. When I make amends as prescribed in our program, I free myself from self-pity and resentment, and ILML! 

-JamieQ