“When I let go and let God, I’m more apt to find a place of compassion… the pendulum that swings back and forth between the black-and-white of obsession and indifference finds balance in the peaceful colors of serenity”. – Hope For Today

My uncomfortable feelings mostly come from obsession or passive-aggressive victimized pouting due to detaching with resentment.

In the first case, I have a hope that turns to an expectation as my excitement levels increase. I so badly want to get, fix, or stop something, that, without even realizing it, a disproportionate amount of focus shifts from my balanced life of program, service, work, and hobbies to one thing that dominates my thoughts. This obsession eventually leads to discomfort as my spiritual priorities are pushed aside. And serenity slips away.

In the second case, I am upset about something and, in my attempt to work my program I decide to detach. The problem is that I’m not detaching with love so my higher power is not part of the picture. And without my higher power I’m left with my lower power’s guidance. Sure I’ll detach from that sick person or situation, they or it is so mules send up who would want to be attached to that! But this is my life, and in some way I am attached to them or it. Poor me. Poor me. Pour me another drink. Right?

So what’s the solution? Let go and let God. For me it’s about bringing God into the situation. Obsession or discomfort, in either case the love that envelopes my heart when I reach out to my higher power will balance me, allowing me to step back from the situation and see it with clearer eyes. I can ease my obsession by gently refocusing on my program. I can ease my anger or frustration by gently refocusing on compassion and gratitude.

If I practice awareness of the moment when I start creeping into obsession or anger, and then breath while saying “Let Go and let God”, over and over, I will slowly start to feel better. These behaviors will then, once again, remind me how lucky I am to have the life I do, how lucky I am, and how much ILML!

– JamesQ

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” – Mother Theresa

Although I personally am not religious, I’ve become quite open minded to anyone and everyone who speaks on love, gratitude and happiness. From every walk of life I seek their words out and practice them.

A smile. So simple and yet it has the power to spread love and kindness to others without even saying a word. Which opens up the opportunity to then spread those positive feelings to so many more. Today I will practice smiling to strangers and, hopefully, it won’t creep them out 🙂 ILML!

– JamesQ

“…like an actor who wants to run the whole show… if only people would… The show doesn’t come off… we step on the toes of our fellows… they retaliate… our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.” – AA p.60-61

That’s the story of my life right there – or at least most of the problems I’ve had in it. I’ve found that pretty much everyone, at some point, wants to run the show, and they tend to want to do it at the same moment someone else does.

Although there are times when we do need to be in control (driving a car, guiding young children, taking care of my responsibilities), with respect to the choices that others make, I find that it’s best for me to step out of the limelight and allow them to be in charge of their own destiny, regardless of whether I agree with their decisions or not. Doing this is the easier, softer way, and when I do so, I’m employing just another tool that allows me to remember why ILML!

– James

“Part of my recovery has involved reversing some old ways of thinking.” – Courage to Change

After 32 years sober, I’m still sick of some of my behaviors. Using all of the recovery tools I’ve discovered has helped lessen them, but I’d really like to stop behaving in ways that hurt me or others.

Recently I started writing an opposite list in the morning, and it’s really helping. I spend 5 minutes reflecting on negative things I believe. “My finances are low. My job is boring. Etc” then I only write the opposite (true or not). “I have plenty of money. My job is fun.”

By planting the positive seeds, my attitude has benefited, and so has followed my behavior and my life. Today I’m open to new ways to evolve into a better man, and that’s just one more reason why ILML!

– James

“… there is nothing more important in my life than becoming more loving and spiritual.” – Hope For Today

Not a whole lot can be added to those words. They are, for me, the essential truth. Everything and everyone, including me, gets better when I strive to be more loving and connected. This program is the bomb and ILML!

– JamesQ

“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents.” – Courage to Change

This reading is perfect for me. It encourages me to embrace and love all of myself. At the same time I realize that I can try just a little harder to embrace and love all of everyone else, even those things I judge as distasteful. The practice of tolerance and compassion begins with me, and extends outward. ILML

– JamesQ

“Higher Power… I pray to keep open my connection with You and to keep it clear from the confusion of daily life.” – 12 Step Prayer Book

I love having a Higher Power. It took many years in recovery for me to get one. My belief that people who believed in God were deceiving themselves by believing in something made up and not real is what kept me from getting a Higher Power for years.

One day, while driving over the Pali on Maui, I heard a radio announcer say “you know what God is folks, it’s a make believe friend for grownups.”

Somehow that resonated. He simultaneously confirmed my suspicions and reminded me that I used to play with made up friends when I was a kid and alone. So why couldn’t I do it as an adult. As long as I realized it was made up, how could it hurt? And by then ( 10 years sober) I didn’t care what others would think of my beliefs – I just wanted what I saw others who had a “God” in the program seemed to have. So I made one up.

In program it says we get to choose a God of our understanding. So I decided mine will be love and gratitude. Along with all the good, wonderful, optimistic, grateful, kind, and encouraging feelings. I also decided he will be a guy, like my best invisible friend in the whole world. Always there, watching my back, rooting for me, giving me the best advice which inevitably is grounded in love – both for me and others. That way, by pretending he is real, it would be easier for me to communicate with my made up Higher Power.

This was one if the best decisions of my life. Instantly I went from not believing in God because I thought God was a made up concept, to believing in God because I knew I was making up my own concept of God. And the great thing was that once I did it, my life was a thousand times more comfortable. Like having the weight of the world taken off my shoulders. Made up or not, it worked for me (and still does)!

But there’s a caveat. Just like at the end of meetings, when we all say “It works if you work it”, the benefits I get from having a Higher Power are only revealed to me when I’m connected to that source of love and gratitude.

When I pray I get connected. When I journal I connect. Helping others for fun and for free does it too. So I spend a lot of hours each day doing things that plug me in (meditation, meetings, exercise, reading spiritual books, etc). And in doing so I allow the sunlight of the spirit of love and gratitude to flow through me and out into the universe where it can touch others. ILML!

– James Q

“Focusing on ourselves actually allows us to release other people to solve their own problems and frees us to contentment and even happiness for ourselves.” – Survival to Recovery

I like fixing things. Fixing problems can be a good thing. But trying to fix other people’s problems, when they haven’t asked me to, can create more problems.

I used to be confused about this, thinking I’m just being helpful. But AlAnon taught me to just listen, and if I’m compelled to help, say “would you like my help?”

I don’t this this perfectly or as often as I could, but I’m making progress slowly but surely, which is just another reason why ILML!

– JamesQ

“… show me today what I can do to help someone who is hurting…” 12 Step Prayer Book

Before I came to the program, I had no idea how lucky I am to have the opportunity to be of service in this way. When I help another who is suffering, here’s what happens to me:

(1) I temporarily forget about all my problems,

(2) self-centeredness slips away

(3) I feel appreciated by another human being,

(4) I feel like I have a greater purpose

(5) I gain self-esteem, and

(6) gratitude for my life increases.

If I actually help them, that’s great. Either way, when I reach out my hand to another, I am given gifts beyond my wildest dreams! ILML

– JamesQ

“Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I’m trying to control someone… is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I am satisfied only when the other person… agrees with that I’ve said or takes my advice – then I know I’ve lost my focus.” -Courage to Change

When I read this, my first thought was how others do this to me. The fact is, I’ll never change them, but I can work on me. Today I’ll try to not tell, ask or suggest something more than once to someone else. In practicing this awareness I will actively decrease the fear that causes me to want to control others. ILML 🙂

– JamesQ