AA

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God Shots

“God… often appears in human affairs in the guises of ‘luck,’ ‘chance,’ or ‘coincidence.” – Daily Reflections

About 25 years ago, on the way to a job interview my truck broke down. This was pre-cell phone days. I finally made it an hour late and was told they hired someone else as his assistant.

A year later, I read in a local paper that the owner and his assistant were arrested for fraud. I made up my mind to believe my truck breaking down was more than a coincident.

Today I realize that my HP often protects me by not giving me what I want. At the moment I may get upset, but in the long run I’m so grateful for those God shots. ILML!
– James

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These Three Things

“… yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision. But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.” Sanskrit Proverb from 12 Step Prayer Book

I like the idea that I can manifest great memories of yesterday and a positive outlook for tomorrow simply by staying in the moment and focusing on these three things:

(1) stay in gratitude,

(2) do the very best I can at all that’s in front of me, and

(3) get out of the expectations business by surrendering results to my HP and looking for the lesson from situations where I don’t get my will satisfied (from people, places and things).

Grateful for this beautiful sunny Sunday in tropical Maui, Hawaii. ILML 🙂
– James

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Limited Time Offer

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” – Believe

This is the essence of the attitude of gratitude we speak about in program, and the rewards we receive when we focus on all the great stuff in our lives.

Think about it for a second. How many things are you grateful for right now. Every part of your body? Each tooth you have? Your senses? People in your life? Lessons learned? Sunshine? I know my list is practically endless. And when I think of those things I particularly treasure, I can feel the years of joy want to spill out.

Life IS an amazing adventure – a limited time offer – and I for one am so grateful to be in it. ILML – James

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No Longer Enough

“I’m striving for… an overall sense of wellness… it is no longer enough simply to survive… The principles and tools… help me to create an increasingly rich and fulfilling life… I’m… participating in a whole host of solutions that can lead to emotional, physical, and spiritual health.” Courage to Change

No matter what. No matter what. No matter what – I choose to love life, to be happy and helpful. To rejoice in this, a magic time where I have been given the gift to occupy a small space on this beautiful planet. I am forever grateful that our program has shown me, so brilliantly, how to do this. ILML! – James

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Let Go, Let God

” “Let Go” comes before “Let God” for a reason. I can’t expect God to do something if I am still holding onto my problem.” – How Alanon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics p.76

I came across this excerpt in Hope for Today. The reading talks about the futility of trying to control people, places, and things. It also suggests letting go of what others say and do, my expectations, and the outcomes in my life.

Another particular line I loved from the read was “It was no longer important that others read from the script that my expectations have written.”

When I reflect on this, I realize that about 99% of my frustration, anger, suffering and sadness come from exactly these things – unmet expectations of people, places and things. But here’s the good news:

The amount of time I spend in frustration, anger, suffering and sadness has substantially decreased as a result of (1) not poisoning myself with things that numb out my feelings and (2) embarking on a spiritual journey of recovery while applying all that I learn to my attitudes and actions each day.

If I reflect back, there was a time that feelings of frustration, anger, suffering and sadness could last hours or even days. Now, it would be highly unusual for me to get stuck in them for more than a few minutes, at which point my program and spiritual tools kick in, taking me me back to gratitude.

This change didn’t happen overnight. I got sober and white knuckled it for 7 years. After coming into the rooms, it took 3 more years for me to find a sponsor. Several years more before finding my Higher Power. But it wasn’t until 20 years sober that I starting working a life-changing spiritual program (and when I say spiritual, I don’t mean religious, I mean something that helps me to actively increase my love for life, for others and for myself).

My personal understanding is that the time I spend struggling is generally equal to the time between the moment I get upset until the time I close my eyes, remember my Higher Power, reconnect, and trust that I will be okay if I just let go and let God handle it. Simple but not always easy. However, this is exactly how ILML! – James

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Bright Yellow Lenses

“… when we assume the best, our eyes are open to all that we are being given, and therefore we are able to receive it.” – Attitudes of Gratitude in Love p.92

When I do the work to change my glasses from the dark dingy ones to those bright yellow lenses that block the harmful rays but let in the sunlight of the spirit, I see the world differently, from a place of love rather than fear. Then, all my dreams are able to come true. Skating over to IHOP for lunch with my son Jake. ILML! – James

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Right or Happy

“ When someone says something to me and I have a strong reaction – wanting to cry, wanting to rage, or thinking I am inferior – I stop and visualize two doors. One is marked “Same old, same old” or “My Will.” The other is marked “New and different” or “God’s Will.” … other people’s behavior belongs to them and I don’t have to make it mine by reacting to it.” – Hope For Today p. 312

This is exactly the type of reminder that encourages me to change my icky behavior. Lately I’ve been hyper-aware of this glowing defect that seems to stubbornly rear it’s ugly head up and out of my mouth: I’m reacting to others words – especially my wife’s.

You would think with so many years in recovery, and working my program so diligently, I’d be cured of this destructive defect. And knowing how much it hurts her, while loving her so much, that I would be able to retrain my reactions. But for some reason, I’m having a difficult time pausing, listening, and saying ‘you may be right’ or ‘would you like me to just listen’ or ‘can I have some time to think about what you’ve said before I respond’.

I’ve used these simple words in the past and what they do for me is allow me to consider what she is saying and actually give myself permission to not have to respond immediately. These tools work really, really well. Still, as I said, lately I haven’t been using them.

That’s why I’m so grateful for the readings I do each day. They remind me that i have a choice. I can be right or happy. I want happy. And I’m willing to take the action to get it. Just finished speaking at a meeting. Now eating an avocado burrito. ILML! – James

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A Wonderful Thing

“When we allow ourselves to be broken open by life rather than broken down by it, we begin to be grateful for the difficulties themselves… When we live from this place long enough, we begin actually to inhabit gratitude, our every inhalation and exhalation a breath of thanksgiving no matter what is going on in the external world.” – Attitudes of Gratitude

Gratitude is the magic cure for all emotional sickness. The more secret ways we can find to get into gratitude when we are ill, the more consistently we will love our lives, and share that love of life with others.

This discovery has encouraged me to seek new ways of getting back into gratitude when I’m feeling uncomfortable. I’ve searched on the internet. I’ve asked happy people. I’ve read books about gratitude. I’ve shared what I know about gratitude with others. All of these methods have revealed more tools for me to use.

The truth is, difficulties in life are inevitable. Without them, there would be no comparison to recognize comfort, no opportunity for achievement, no growth. And although we can search for tools, none of them will work unless we practice them. So I’ve made peace with the idea that I will have struggles in life. But I’ve also learned to pick up the tools I’ve discovered, and continue trying to use them.

Ultimately, what that means for me is that my recovery time, from discomfort to life loving, is shortened. Less time feeling bad; more time feeling good. And that’s a wonderful thing for a guy like me.

In Orlando Florida at the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex. ILML!

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Birthday Gifts

“The strength of Alcoholics Anonymous lies in the desire of each member and of each group around the world to share with other alcoholics their suffering and the steps taken to gain, and maintain, recovery. By keeping a conscious contact with my Higher Power, I make sure that I always nurture my desire to help other alcoholics, thus insuring the continuity of the wonderful fraternity of Alcoholics Anonymous.” – 12&12 p.151

This concept, which also applies to AlAnon and all of our 12 step programs, is at its essence so sweet and pure.

We’ve suffered. We discovered a solution. We found a Higher Power. If we stay closely connected to that power, we will instinctually desire to share the solution with others who have, and often are still, suffering. And here’s the best part:

When we are connected and helping others, we are less likely to suffer ourselves. And if we do find ourselves suffering, the simplest way out is to reconnect and be of service. Here’s a quick example.

This morning I was cranky. I’ve been disconnected, on a softball trip with my wife and daughter. Trying to be of service but feel the edginess creeping in. This morning I almost lost it. So I came to Starbucks and started doing my rituals (reading, spiritual blog/text, journaling, etc). All the while knowing I have very little time, a game will be starting soon.

Then I noticed a woman in line. A man after her decided to create his own line. She got confused and left the line to stand behind him. I said “I think you were in the right line”. She said, ” it’s ok, I’m trying to go with the flow, it’s my birthday.” I wished her a Happy Birthday, and went back to my rituals.

In reading about service I decided to get up and just after she ordered I cut in and told the Barista that I would like to buy her drink.

This small act lifted me up a bit. She said I made her day. I felt good. She felt good. The Barista thought it was nice and wished her a Happy Birthday too. I came back to my rituals and starting writing this blog.

Here’s the end result: I’m not so upset at my wife or the situation. I can breath a little easier. I like the idea of just being helpful and loving on this trip again, where a half hour ago I was resentful. I had to take some action, then become aware of the service opportunity that presented itself, and ultimately step up to perform a random act of kindness — but the reward reinforces how well working the program works for me.

I’m grateful to be alive, sober and in the solution today. Now I’ve gotta rush off to softball and hope my daughter hits another one over the fence, like she did yesterday, for my birthday. ILML 🙂 – James

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Magic Carpet Ride

“Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s choosing to act with love in spite of the fear”. – Courage to Change

I’ve also heard it said that “courage is fear that’s said it’s prayers”. Both of these statement identify my personal Higher Power, love, as the solution to fear. Simple concept, but not always so easy to practice.

In all these years of recovery I’ve still yet to overcome fear. Even when I’m in a super wonderful life-loving place, and everything appears to be going just swell, my fear seems to be on stand-by, rather than having completely disappeared. And when I question why, fear speaks to me and says “it’s only prudent that I hang close by, something – anything – could go wrong at any moment. Best if I’m here for you”.

Money. Relationships. Work. Health. Depression. Resentment. Lack of control. Unmet expectations. So many things to fear. So much misery on that side of the mind.

Although I haven’t figured out how to eradicate fear, nor do I necessarily think that would be a good thing (car swerving towards me, dog barking off a leash, etc), I have figured out how best to handle it when it comes up. Here’s my solution.

First, I’ve become VERY good at recognizing fear. Regardless of the disguise – anger, frustration, sadness – I learned that most, if not all, of my uncomfortable feelings have their roots entwined in some sort of fear. Therefore, my rule is simple: if I’m uncomfortable I’ll ask myself “what could I possibly be afraid of now?” If it’s not an immediate threat that I can resolve this instant, I continue on to the next step.

After I’ve identified that I’m in fear, I remind myself that the opposite of fear is faith, and that fear is the darkroom where negatives get developed. There is one sure way out of the darkroom, through the door of faith. This is my first glimmer of hope to get away from fear.

Since my Higher Power is love, and I know the feeling of love, the final step is closing my eyes and getting on that magic carpet. As I imagine all the love I’ve experienced in life – my children’s smiles, laughter and hugs; my wife’s embraces and gentle kisses; my Mom squeezing me fresh orange juice and making me buttered, rye toast; my dad singing with me while I play guitar – I begin to feel myself being swept away, literally transported, away from fear and into the sunlight of life.

This may sound sappy, but once you’ve experienced this feeling, you’ll realize how fantastic it is to be able to conquer your fear with just your imagination. No need to try and fix bad things today that may never even happen in the future.

And when I want to take it to the next level, and completely shut the door on fear, I put my earbuds in and start listening to the BrickHouse Station on Pandora (hard to stay in fear while listening, dancing and singing out loud to ‘Play That Funky Music WhiteBoy’).

I’ve been asked before what happens to the THING I’m fearing. Perhaps I’m just burying my head in the sand, or whistling in the dark?

If I was the type of person that didn’t consistently take action towards improving my life, I might acknowledge that they have a point. But, I’m all about action. So I tell them that it’s true, there is the possibility that the THING I’m fearing may be looming, lurking, and waiting. It may actually even happen. But since I can’t predict the future, and since there’s the chance that the THING may never come to fruition, I would rather assume that some wonderful, amazing, great THING may happen instead.

As its been said many times, we manifest our lives. What we think is what we become. What we concentrate on gets magnified. If that’s true, I hope we all banish the concept of bad, scary, unhappy THINGS in our future. Instead, just for today, let’s visualize the most wonderful future anyone could ever experience. Come with me on my magic carpet ride! ILML – James