Change = Abundance

Change = Abundance

“Change is the one constant in our life and yet it causes us the most unrest.” – In God’s Care

Why is change so scary and uncomfortable sometimes? Even when we’re firmly walking on this spiritual path of recovery, knowing abundance is shining upon us?

I can only speak for myself, but I’m a man of creature comforts. I order the same drink everyday at Starbucks – Venti Chai Latte, 6 pumps, extra hot, no water, no foam, with cinnamon and whipped cream. Always a Belgium waffle at Izzy’s deli. Always a James salad at Penne Pasta Cafe (yeah, they make it special for me :-).

So when things change, I’m naturally throw off. No chai today? Out of syrup? No tomatoes for the salad? The sky is falling!!!

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you get what I’m talking about. So when there’s bigger changes and challenges, like illness, death, loss of income, and relationship changes, it can get dicey for a guy like me.

Luckily, at 56 years of age I’ve had a ton of experience with change. I’ve seen how handling change with an openness in my heart is so much more peaceful and comfortable than reacting to it. So I’ve come up with a way to limit my reactions to unexpected, typically alarming changes and respond to them with open arms, welcoming in a different, perhaps even more wonderful, experience.

I’ve used this exercise to great success, but I’ll warn you in advance that many people , in hearing about it, have told me they feel it’s pessimistic, negative, catastrophizing and unnecessarily creates fear. Regardless, that’s not the case for me, so here it is.

I envision the worst case scenarios in my life. The changes that might occur, which I have no power over, that I think would feel devastating, paralyzing and may throw me into a deep depression. The worst things I could imagine happening. Death of loved ones, loss of my job or home, blindness, divorce, etc.

Then I look at how I might react in fear, pain and hurt. This reaction would most often be considered “normal” by others. Then I ask myself to imagine responding completely differently, from a place of acceptance, love and belief that everything will be just fine. I walk through the experience and feelings of loss, letting go of the fear and sadness and choosing to handle it with grace and optimism.

This isn’t an easy exercise, but it’s been a great one for me. It’s empowered me to live life feeling that I can handle any change that happens, knowing my life won’t fall apart.

I still get thrown off my guard. I had never imagined one of my children might be paralyzed for life, and recently that almost happened. My son came down with Guillain-Barre Syndrome and was paralyzed. Gratefully he recovered in only 3 weeks. But even in that situation I was able to respond in love, faith and the knowledge that somehow things would be ok. The doctors were awesome and he’s running 5 miles a day and found his calling through the process – he’s now in school to be a doctor.

When I live in faith and am open to change, I invite even more abundance and love into myself and others, things end up working out great, and… ILML!

— JamieQ

Awaken with Abundance

Awaken with Abundance

“There are some who live day to day concerned about not having enough for happiness and security. This causes anxiety, worry and stress. But this doesn’t have to be. Instead, if we trust the intelligence of the universe, and practice living carefree, we can live fearlessly, without worry or focusing on lack.” — Living Carefree, A Meditation with Deepak Chopra

Wow. Can you imagine never having to fear lacking anything? I felt like that way as a child, but since having my own children, the overwhelming sense of responsibility has put (and kept) me in financial fear.

The voices of fear and faith can have an overwhelming effect in my life. Faith says “Everything’s going to be great!” When I believe this, I feel so good. But Fear says “This is going to be terrible. Your in big trouble.” And when I’m listening and believing it, I feel scared, exhausted and upset.

Deepak’s meditation suggests that we encourage the kinder, more loving message to dominate our thoughts by repeating this: “I move through my day lighthearted and carefree, knowing all is well.”

I’ve been listening to this meditation on YouTube everyday lately, along with his meditations on Overcoming Obstacles and Gratitude, and I must tell you that its awesome! I’ve been more optimistic, efficient and have had more energy since I began doing this. I start off listening in bed, and eventually take it into the bathroom while getting ready for my day. I awaken and fill my mind up with good thoughts, before the bad ones can even start up.

When take the time, first thing in the morning, to intentionally focus on positive messages that reaffirm the boundless abundance and love in, and all around me, I awaken with the belief that it’s going to be a great day, and ILML!

— JamieQ

The Green Zone

The Green Zone

The mind is an unusual thing. Unlike our hands, lips or eyes, our minds aren’t quite as easily controlled. At times they take off on their own, regardless of what we may, or may not, want our minds to do. Thinking, “Grab that cup of coffee,” always works for me. But thinking, “I want to feel better right now,” rarely works in the same way.

So what can we do? How can we tame our feelings when they are out of control? How do we stop destructive thoughts that recycle over and over, like a merry-go-round in our brain?

Here’s my solution: once I’m aware of what’s happening, and I’ve decided I want it to stop, I pick up my bag of recovery tools and inject a strong dose of the solution from each tool into my mind.

Like an engine revving too high, way into the red zone (where everything is NOT okay), I need to bring it back down into the green zone (where everything runs smoothly), before it blows up my life.

Each of the tools I employ are designed to get me out of anger, hopelessness, worry and a feeling of victimization and return me to a place of gratitude, hopefulness, peace and a feeling of abundance.

The actions I’m speaking of are outlined here in this website and in many of my blog posts. Each one is an actual concrete, physical action that requires me to stop what I’m doing and invest time into using the tool, which then results in a positive shift in my perception.

I no longer need to sit around when my mind is thinking about upsetting things, or when I’m feeling down. I’m not interested in being unhappy for even one extra second than I have to. The program offers me a huge array of options to get out of misery and into happiness. And I can do it as quickly as I want, whenever I’m ready.

My feelings and thoughts are not the result of what others are doing to me, or what’s happening in my life—that’s a lie I used to tell myself to play the victim. I now recognize that I have 100% control over my thoughts and feelings. Not 99%, 100%.

The faster I recognize my discomfort, shut my mouth, grab my tools and get back in the green zone, the less destruction I create for myself and others, the more fun I get to have, and the faster I get back into the place where… ILML!

—JamieQ

Without Getting Stuck

Without Getting Stuck

“They are living in the moment. There are not ashamed of the past; they are not worried about the future. Little children express what they feel, and they are not afraid to love.” – The Mastery of Love

Several years back, when Richie and I took the Iyanla Vanzandt challenge, writing ourselves love letters for 40 days, I decided to write them from James to my inner child. At that time I began to develop a relationship with my inner child, and I started to become more aware of how happy little children are, and how easily they transition in and out of feelings and emotions, without getting stuck.

These young ones seem always intrigued with life and truly living only in each moment. Crying when upset or hurt, then laughing when happy, just moments later, as if they had never been hurt or unhappy to begin with. How cool is that?

This is how I aspire to live today. In awe of being alive, not attached to the past, and not focused on the future. Just enjoying the gift of the present. I get to experience that feeling when I’m connected to my Higher Power, whatever that may be.

About this Higher Power thing: What I love about the 12 step program is that we all get to have our own concept of God, our own relationship with the creative source that guides us. In our program, no one person’s concept of God is better, truer, or more accurate than another’s. There’s no room for spiritual righteousness in AA or AlAnon. Each of our beliefs is perfectly designed for us, and where we are at right now. And as an added bonus, for most of us, our concept of, and relationship with, our personal higher power is always evolving.

It’s when I’m plugged in that wonderful, loving energy that I get to live like a small child does, filled with the wonderment of each and every moment. By letting go of the past and future, but unplugging from regrets and fears, my words, thoughts, actions and feelings are guided only by pure gratitude and love. And when I’m in that magical place, abundance flows in and all around me, and… ILML!

— JamieQ

(click on the image below to see what I’m talking about)

Accepted, Surrendered & Grateful

Accepted, Surrendered & Grateful

“Thank you, Higher Power, for this beautiful day… Place in my path some way to serve others… May I feel your presence today…” – 12 Step Prayer Book

Lately, I’ve been in the groove. The spiritual, recovery, life loving groove, that is. And it’s odd because my General Manager quit on Tuesday, March 27th, and we are on deadline at work – usually a time when we are severely overworked and need everyone’s help. In this situation it would be completely understandable to be panicked or upset. Interested enough, I’ve being feeling happy, excited and optimistic. So what’s up?

Here’s what I think it is. On March 19th, just 8 days before she quit, one of my sponsees (Chris H) let me know he was starting the 21 Day Oprah Deepak Meditation Challenge, and I decided to join him. Prior to doing the daily morning meditation, both Oprah and Deepak talk about how to change our attitudes in order to perceive both life and ourselves in a very positive, uplifting way. Inspirational and optimistic, each morning these meditations have the affect of opening me up for abundance.

While those who love me are calling to express their deep concern about losing my manager while on deadline, I repeatedly tell them that I’m feeling better than ever about work and being able to handle it all easily myself, without any help at all. Of course, if the opportunity to find someone who’s a good fit comes along, great. If not, that’s great too. I’ve fully accepted, surrendered and am grateful for all of it.

This attitude that everything is perfectly fine and under control is not an illusion. The company really is doing great and I’m accomplishing twice as much with half the effort (I even snuck out to see the new Spielberg move).

Is it all because if the meditation? Who knows. But I’ll tell you one thing, since starting it I’m more connected to my higher power than my lower power, and when I’m in that place… ILML!

— JamieQ

Past & Future Slip Away

Past & Future Slip Away

“Any kind of heaviness, be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, is caused by one burden, the heaviness of the past: old pain, traumas, and toxic memories.” – Deepak Chopra, 21 Day Meditation

When I reflect upon my dark past, those painful memories of things that happened in my life which I wish had never occurred, I am actively choosing to suffer. I know that sounds judgmental and mean, but it’s true. If I can stop it, it’s no longer something that is out of my control. It’s not unpreventable.

It’s true that in a past situations, I was a victim. I have made some really bad mistakes. I have hurt others, and I’ve been terribly hurt. But the past has passed. I am not being forced against my will to reflect upon or live in the past. Though it may feel as if I have no choice, I am not obligated to remember those painful experiences.

Likewise, anxiety exists only when I am reflecting on a potentially terrible future. In fact, by focusing continually upon painful past experiences, I can create anxiety by projecting those worst case scenarios into my future. Some people, including myself, believe that this behavior can actually manifest our worst fears.

The good news is that, with daily practice, we can train ourselves to stay out of both those painful thoughts of the past and the fearful ones of the future. By reading and practicing the simple suggestions in books like The Power of Now and The Miracle of Mindfulness, and by Googling “how to live in the moment,” and then choosing the tips and tools that resonate with us, we can eliminate most of our depression and fear. Sound too good to be true? It’s not.

There’s only one caveat: this process only gives us a reprieve for one day only. If we want freedom from depression and fear every day, we have to read, study and use the tools for staying in the present every day. I have found that missing even one day of my daily routine results in increased feelings of discomfort… almost instantly!

But when I invest time into the practice of living in the moment, the discomfort of my past and the fear of my future slip away, making room for me to enjoy the abundance of today, while simultaneously manifesting more of it for tomorrow. And when that happens, you can bet your bottom dollar that ILML!

— JamieQ

Magic Carpet Ride

“Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s choosing to act with love in spite of the fear”. – Courage to Change

I’ve also heard it said that “courage is fear that’s said it’s prayers”. Both of these statement identify my personal Higher Power, love, as the solution to fear. Simple concept, but not always so easy to practice.

In all these years of recovery I’ve still yet to overcome fear. Even when I’m in a super wonderful life-loving place, and everything appears to be going just swell, my fear seems to be on stand-by, rather than having completely disappeared. And when I question why, fear speaks to me and says “it’s only prudent that I hang close by, something – anything – could go wrong at any moment. Best if I’m here for you”.

Money. Relationships. Work. Health. Depression. Resentment. Lack of control. Unmet expectations. So many things to fear. So much misery on that side of the mind.

Although I haven’t figured out how to eradicate fear, nor do I necessarily think that would be a good thing (car swerving towards me, dog barking off a leash, etc), I have figured out how best to handle it when it comes up. Here’s my solution.

First, I’ve become VERY good at recognizing fear. Regardless of the disguise – anger, frustration, sadness – I learned that most, if not all, of my uncomfortable feelings have their roots entwined in some sort of fear. Therefore, my rule is simple: if I’m uncomfortable I’ll ask myself “what could I possibly be afraid of now?” If it’s not an immediate threat that I can resolve this instant, I continue on to the next step.

After I’ve identified that I’m in fear, I remind myself that the opposite of fear is faith, and that fear is the darkroom where negatives get developed. There is one sure way out of the darkroom, through the door of faith. This is my first glimmer of hope to get away from fear.

Since my Higher Power is love, and I know the feeling of love, the final step is closing my eyes and getting on that magic carpet. As I imagine all the love I’ve experienced in life – my children’s smiles, laughter and hugs; my wife’s embraces and gentle kisses; my Mom squeezing me fresh orange juice and making me buttered, rye toast; my dad singing with me while I play guitar – I begin to feel myself being swept away, literally transported, away from fear and into the sunlight of life.

This may sound sappy, but once you’ve experienced this feeling, you’ll realize how fantastic it is to be able to conquer your fear with just your imagination. No need to try and fix bad things today that may never even happen in the future.

And when I want to take it to the next level, and completely shut the door on fear, I put my earbuds in and start listening to the BrickHouse Station on Pandora (hard to stay in fear while listening, dancing and singing out loud to ‘Play That Funky Music WhiteBoy’).

I’ve been asked before what happens to the THING I’m fearing. Perhaps I’m just burying my head in the sand, or whistling in the dark?

If I was the type of person that didn’t consistently take action towards improving my life, I might acknowledge that they have a point. But, I’m all about action. So I tell them that it’s true, there is the possibility that the THING I’m fearing may be looming, lurking, and waiting. It may actually even happen. But since I can’t predict the future, and since there’s the chance that the THING may never come to fruition, I would rather assume that some wonderful, amazing, great THING may happen instead.

As its been said many times, we manifest our lives. What we think is what we become. What we concentrate on gets magnified. If that’s true, I hope we all banish the concept of bad, scary, unhappy THINGS in our future. Instead, just for today, let’s visualize the most wonderful future anyone could ever experience. Come with me on my magic carpet ride! ILML – James