“… when the applause of others becomes the reason for my behavior and necessary for me to feel satisfied, then I have given them power over me.” – Courage to Change

Wanting others to like me is normal. I don’t find anything wrong with this desire. But sacrificing what’s important to me, pretending to be ok in situations that are not ok, in order to fit in or gain approval, that doesn’t work for me anymore.

Today I have values and live by them. When uncomfortable I say what I mean, mean what I say, and try to say it nicely. I set healthy boundaries and take action when those boundaries are not respected. I love and honor others but not at the expense of loving and honoring me.

And thanks to this program, and me working it, ILML!

– JamieQ

“… the problem… had seemed so enormous while it stayed trapped in my head.” – Courage to Change

When I look back on my life, both before and in recovery, I see that I’ve often kept a few problem thoughts in my head much longer than needed. I’d think things like “what should I do about their behavior?” Or “I can’t stand this thing”, over and over and over. So what’s the solution? The action that works best for me to eradicate the stinking thinking is to consciously ask for God’s help and then place it into his figurative hands. By doing so (sometimes repeatedly), I finally get some relief, the obsessive thoughts go away for at least a little while, peace flows in and, once again, ILML!

– JamieQ

“… slow me down. Ease the pounding of my heart… Break the tension… Teach me how to take minute vacations by slowing down to look at a flower or a cloud, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book.” – 12 Step Prayer Book

If things start getting out of hand and I begin to feel stressed, upset or disconnected, I’ll remember to slow down, breath and find a way to get into the moment by appreciating the simple things around me. By slipping back into gratitude, I’ll be reminded how lucky I am, and how much ILML!

– JamieQ

“… often ask ourselves, “Am I doing to others as I would have them do to me—today?” 12&12p93

When I feel victimized, and I react in a mean way, I become the very thing I detest: the victimizer.

In order to avoid becoming that guy, I pray, meditate, get good sleep, work my program, eat well, exercise, get to meetings, handle responsibilities and make sure I have play time. Then, when I am triggered, I can say what I mean nicely, detaching when necessary, without being abusive.

This new approach to my unmet expectations of others keeps me close to my HP, where ILML!

– JamieQ

“A spiritual plan is a statement of clear intention about what you desire to experience within yourself and a clear definition of what you must do to make it happen.” – Until Today

New Years is a great time to do a written spiritual plan. Today I’ll take a half hour and list my spiritual, emotional, health, financial and philanthropic desires and my ideas how to achieve them. Then I can do the footwork and let go of the results. If it’s anything like my life has turned out, the results will continue to be beyond my wildest dreams. What an amazing ride – ILML!

– JamieQ

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” Rumi

This quote reminds me of the two me’s. One of me is always looking for the deal, the shortcut, the easy way, some system that allows me to bypass the work and still get the rewards.

I disguise the motives of this me by saying things like “I’d rather work smart than work hard”, but what I really mean is “I’d rather be clever than have to do the footwork”.

I spent many years, both before and after program, looking for the golden ticket. This idea manifested itself in behaviors like starting projects but not finishing them, making resolutions I didn’t keep, and even starting businesses and giving up before they had a chance to succeed.

The new me, the one that dominates in my life, was tired of the old me and his magical thinking. Nothing against dreams, wishes and magic, it’s just that the new me understands that diligent work is what makes those dreams come true.

Today the new me spends most mornings reading the books in my spiritual backpack, looking for moist tidbits that I can share with my readers and Sponsees. He highlights and underlines those things of interest that resonate, he writes his gratitude list and takes a daily inventory in his journal. He prays and meditates and makes outreach calls as well as answering the phone when others reach out to him. He goes to meetings, looking for tidbits there too – occasionally sharing ones he has found along the way. Like this post.

And with regard to earning money, being a husband, dad, brother, friend, Sponsee, Sponsor, son, employer, and contributor to life, the new me takes action (aka, does the work) necessary to create the greatest possible result in all he does. No half-assing or looking for clever work-arounds in life. He takes responsibility and gets into the solution.

What the new me learned is that I am much happier when he puts in the effort into becoming the best me I can be. We know that the wonderful rewards we receive are a direct result of the determination, consistency, and hard work that we have put in. And as such, we are proud of me.

The additional reward of acting as the new me is that I gain tremendous self esteem – I love myself more. So, knowing all this, why would I ever default back to the old me?

Fear. When I get scared of things I tend to go back to old behavior. And I get into fear when I slack on my program of spiritual action. Staying connected to source, especially when things get dicey in life (aka, they don’t align with my expectations), is the best way for me to continue being happy, joyous and free. I’m grateful that the program has shown me this new, wonderful way of life, and that I’m willing to work for it. ILML!

– JamieQ

“The purpose is to continue my spiritual awakening… I shall be… generous in my giving… loving in my attitudes.” – 12 Step Prayer Book

It’s amazing what happens when I make a concerted effort to get and stay connected to the loving energy of life. To really feel the magic of living life in this human body, with these human thoughts, and these human feelings.

It’s true there are opportunities to experience discomfort, but even more, there are endless opportunities to feel grateful. To witness the miracles all around me.

The squirrel running up the tree. The raindrops falling. Sunshine warming my face. The laugh of a baby. My own smile.

Life is in session, and it’s beyond amazing. When I center myself in love and gratitude I become acutely aware of how lucky I am to be me. And in doing so, I attract more abundance, which increases my gratitude. ILML!

– JamieQ

“When I get that old feeling that tells me I am a victim… I can resist the temptation to blame others and look at my own involvement” – Courage to Change

This reading tells me to use my self-pity or resentment feelings as a red flag to work my program. Christmas was amazing, but there was a moment when those feelings came up. Rather than react, I went into an empty bedroom, hit my knees and asked my HP to relieve me of the victim feeling and let me just enjoy all of the gratitude surrounding me. And just like that, I felt better. This program is amazing – when I work it. ILML! Merry Christmas

– JamieQ