“Sure, something unpleasant happened! That was then, this is now. There is no need for you to remain a victim.” – Until Today
No one wants to be the victim, right? If so, then why do we become one over and over and over again? The moment we begin to ponder the wrong done to us, we become a victim. So how do we avoid this trap, knowing that unacceptable situations will occur for the rest of our life? Rather than wanting, hoping or trying to get them to change, we take action. We have power over (1) our expectations, (2) our unhealthy words, attitudes and behaviors, and (3) our continued participation in dysfunctional situations. We can avoid becoming the victim when we take consistent actions on all three fronts, and in the order of 1-2-3. When I replace expectations with gratitude for however things turn out, invest daily in my spiritual and emotional well-being, and detach from toxic situations, ILML! 

– JamesQ

“We enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind.” – 12&12 p.74

In thinking back to my days before some sobriety, I can’t remember any time where I actually had peace of mind. I usually awoke feeling very uncomfortable, then I got high or drank to face the day, and afterwords attempted to make money to buy things, making sure I kept booze and drugs on hand at all times. I had no higher power or self-esteem. I didn’t like myself. I didn’t like others. I loved to get things, never to give. I was angry and unhappy. I had few friends and all the relationships that I did have were strained. It was like Groundhog Day. Wake up. Get wasted. Trudge unhappily through the day. Get wasted. Go to bed. Rinse and repeat. That life gave me zero peace of mind. The program changed everything. I look forward to each day as I arise, happy to be alive, smiling and grateful, connected to God because ILML! 

-JamieQ

“When we’ve lost our eyesight, we recognize that to have good vision is a wonder.” Thitch Nhat Hanh

When I consider all the gifts, the true miracles that exist in my life, it’s pretty hard to understand how it’s even possible for me to ever get upset or depressed. In fact, I would go so far as to say that, if I could truly live my life consistently conscious of my blessings—eyesight, smell, skin, hair, legs, arms, fingers, toes, intelligence, health, people who love me, people I love, my loving pets, the ocean, dolphins, whales, turtles, fish, flowers, blue skies, stars, deep sleep, a roof over my head, a soft pillow, my teeth—I would be so occupied in my appreciation of the endless gifts of life that there would be no way to ever be unhappy. Like a dark cloud on a windy day, the moment fear crept in, faith and gratitude would overpower it and sweep it away. That’s why I write gratitude lists each day. Because when I stay in appreciation of this truly miraculous experience called life, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“This above all—to thine own self be true…” Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act I, Scene III

As many who read this blog know, it took me 7 years after quitting drugs and alcohol to make it into the program. That was when I was sick and tired of being emotionally sick and tired. White knuckling, feeling alone and lost, I found my seat and admitted to everyone that I was an alcoholic. That was when I started showing my true colors. These days I’m usually surrounded by a wide spread of 12 step and other literature at Starbucks while doing my morning rituals. Today, a man I’ve never seen came up to me and said “I know those books. My name is Harvey, I have 30 years.” I got up. We hugged and it was epic, because when I let go of the fear of being judged for being affected by alcoholism and in recovery, and instead just spread myself out there for the whole world to see, I open myself up to abundance of all kinds and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“The Twelve Steps won’t work for anyone unless they are practiced… over and over… good habits—just like bad ones—strengthen with use and time.” – In God’s Care

Many times each year people ask me why I spend an hour or two each morning at Starbucks with all these books from my spiritual backpack, highlighting and writing. In order for me to live that part of the 12th step that says “practice these principles in all our affairs,” I have to work the steps daily. My morning rituals are how I do this. I used to think going to meetings, being of service, sponsorship, and prayer were enough. I was wrong. When I love myself enough to dedicate time to working my program every day, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Higher power, help me… It is so easy to… blame others and circumstances.” – 12 Step Prayer Book 

95% of the time, when I get upset, my first instinct is to blame someone or something. But since most people, places, things and situations are beyond my control, blaming them (or it) for my discomfort simply keeps me imprisoned in it. Freedom comes from finding my part, changing what I can, and letting go. And I’ve discovered the letting go is a lot easier when I have an imaginary higher power and simply give it to him. So today I’ll do what I can to make things better and then let go and let God when things upset me that I can’t change because when I do that, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… most of the world’s spiritual giants have had dark nights of unbelief.” – In God’s Care

“…we can come to the sangha.” – FEAR: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm

Sometimes life is going along fine. Oh sure, there’s the ups and downs, but it’s a great life. Then suddenly… POW! A bad thing happens. It can feel like it’s just too much to bear. What now? Thitch Nhat Hanh suggests that in these moments we turn to our sangha, our community. For us, this means sharing our pain and hopelessness with our brothers and sisters in recovery in order to make room for healing and hope to come in. The last few days I’ve been in some financial fear. Building a house is expensive! Some of my guys are going through much worse. But no matter how scary it is, or how bad we may feel, there is a solution. We work our program and trust a loving higher power, which often expresses itself through the healthy members of our sangha. When I’m ready to feel better, and embrace the solution I’ve been so lucky to have been given, fear and pain dissipate, and once again, ILML! 

– James

“We give thanks for our personal relationship with God.” – 12 Step Prayer Book 

At first the whole “God” thing in 12 step rooms really turned me off. “God” meant organized religion to me, and I wanted no part of that. The idea of finding a power greater than myself was intriguing, but I still kept thinking of religion. Plus, it was hard to imagine turning my life over to some intangible entity or energy. My process of finding a higher power took many years, but ultimately it happened for me – thank God! Lol. Today I have an awesome friendship with the God of my understanding and it makes my life 1000 times easier, more peaceful and more fun. When I let God take the front seat of my tandem bike and surrender all control, fully trusting that everything is going to be great… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“The place where happiness, peace, and fulfillment lies is in the present moment.” – Adapted from FEAR pg. 44, by Thitch Nhat Hanh 
I just got off the phone with one of my sponsees whom I dearly love. He told me about a problem he is having. Then about another. What started as a trickle of concerns, soon became a rushing stream. I call this “Piling”. I asked him to tell me which of these problems must be solved this day and cannot wait even one more day. He paused, then said “None”. Feeling better, he then agreed to give them to God—just for 24 hours—and focus on enjoying this day and all that it offers. Just like him, when I let go of the future and the past, give them both to God and enjoy the present moment, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“What if you made up your mind that from now on, for the rest of your life, you alone would decide how you are going to feel?” – You Can’t Make Me Angry

If this sounds impossible, I can attest that it’s not. Every day I make up my mind to love my life. Over and over again throughout the day I insist upon it. That doesn’t mean that things don’t happen and people don’t say things that hurt or upset me — I am human after all. I’ve learned to, after the initial feeling hits me (sometimes like a locomotive train), make a conscious decision of asking myself how I want to continue feeling. The answer is always: I want to feel great and love my life no matter what!!! Then, by simply accessing and applying the tools I learn from doing the daily deal, the hurt and resentment dissipate, and once again, just like magic, ILML! 

– JamieQ