“Help me remember that my problems are temporary…” — The Language of Letting Go 

Actually, the reason I am able to transition through problems, not get bogged down in them, see them as opportunities, let them go when I’m powerless over them, and not react and create more drama is because of Alanon. The reading at the beginning of each meeting alone is enough to affect a profound change in me  I look forward to hearing it often, especially theses words:

“… you will find in this fellowship the help and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy… in Al-Anon we discover that no situation is really hopeless… our program… has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in it’s true perspective, we find it loses it’s power to dominate our thoughts and our lives… Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it… The loving interchange of help among members and daily reading of Al-Anon literature thus make us ready to receive the priceless gift of serenity… we feel free to say what is in our minds and hearts… in Al-Anon.

When I go to Al-Anon meetings, share recovery with others and work the program each day… ILML! 

— JamieQ

“I will receive from this day exactly what I give to it… as I love, I will be loved… without thought of failure of the past or anxieties for the future… I will have no regrets… thank you, my Higher Power…” — 12 Step Prayer Book 

What an amazing way to live life. Like I’ve heard so often in the rooms, “simple but not easy.” I want to feel abundance, happiness, joy, success, peace, serenity, and love.  In order to get it I must believe I already have it (which is true, I do), and then share it with others. I’m going to do just that today, because whenever I live life with that kind of attitude… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is! – Anonymous

Sometimes things are so overwhelming they feel beyond our control, but my attitude is NEVER beyond my control. By changing my internal dialogue (switching the radio station), I regain a sense of peace that, moments ago, I had lost. Just this morning I was thinking, “I’ve got so much to do I’m overwhelmed and don’t know how I’ll handle it all”. (This is after my prayers and affirmations, lol). 

Because I’ve been practicing self-awareness of my thoughts for a long time, I realized instantly that I needed to change them up. So I said to myself:

 “Today is filled with a ton of challenging things to do and I’m gonna kill it! I won’t procrastinate! I’m going to jump right in and get so much done! It’s gonna feel great being super productive!” 

After that I turned on B52’s Rock Lobster, got into the shower, sang, danced, washed up, dressed, made my bed, cleaned my house, and headed here to Starbucks to get inspired for the amazing day I’m about to participate in.  

When I shift my response, not just towards others but also to any negative thinking I may be engaging in, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in it’s true perspective, we find it loses it’s power to dominate our thoughts and our lives..” – Suggested Ala-Anon/Alateen Welcome

Sometimes I actually think that EVERYTHING depends upon my attitude. 

I used to believe that I got a crappy attitude because things weren’t going my way, or people didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. In Al-Anon, I’ve discovered that exactly the opposite was happening: my attitude was crappy and I was inviting crappiness into my life (without even realizing it). Al-Anon taught me how to change my attitude so that I’m no longer a member of The Crappy Club. 

By using the tools I’ve been given to practice the program on a daily basis, and by strengthening my friendship with my Higher Power, I learn to surrender my expectations, focus on the present (gratitude), and show up to be of service to myself and others (without resentment or self-pity). 

Today I can have a life of serenity, peace and happiness—provided I dedicate the time required to thoroughly work my program. I’ve discovered (the hard way) that when I am diligent, consistent and persistent about doing my inspirational rituals, and fellowshipping with those who put their program first, instead of feeling crappy… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… we recoiled from meditation and prayer as obstinately as the scientist who refused to perform a certain experiment lest it prove his pet theory wrong.” – Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, Page 97

I feel like I’ve been rehashing the same concept over and over again in several of my inspirational texts, but I’m just cracking open the books. I was a non-believer until I was 30, and after 10 years of refuting the existence of God, watching others who seemed at peace and happier believing in what surely couldn’t be real, I relented and joined the other team—the one that had faith.

Tough? Oh yeah. My intellect yelled “What are you doing?!!!! Don’t believe the imaginary fairy tale!!!!” But I decided to believe anyway. And guess what? I LOVE believing in God! Call me a religionist, fanatic, convert, or anything you want. I’m ok with that, because my connection to my Higher Power rocks my world!

And when I thank the universe (pray) and spend time in gratitude (meditate)… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness… we can be insensitive… walls come down when we become vulnerable and say I’m sorry, please forgive me.” – In God’s World 

This page talks about the need to forgive others, forgive ourselves, and ask for forgiveness. It also makes a great point in saying that, although we have learned all about the Golden Rule (Do as to others…), and know it’s a great one to live by, we aren’t perfect. And neither are others. But the more we practice the three types of forgiveness I mentioned above, along with our continued attempts to live by the Golden Rule, the better we get along with others, and the happier our lives become. 

I’m so grateful that I’m constantly getting inspired by the wonderful books in my spiritual backpack. As always, when I take time to do those things that help me remember that I’m blessed beyond words and my life is infused with overwhelming abundance… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“I was a self-willed, head-strong, self-centered, Mr. know It All. The list goes on. I developed these personality traits growing up in an alcoholic family. They bolstered my self-image and covered my fears and confusion about all the insanity, violence, and anger I experienced [growing up].” – Reaching for Personal Freedom 

Wow! If that’s not insightful into why I am the way I am, I’m not sure what is! I always knew I liked to be right and know it all, that I liked being in control and was determined to do things my way, but I didn’t really understand why I was like that. Now I know: it gave me a sense of safety trying to control my environment and pretending to know everything in order to keep me (and everyone else) safe. But guess what? I don’t and I can’t!

Again it came down to recognizing, accepting & embracing my powerlessness. In doing so I could also finally realize that I still retained the most important and influential power: that to choose how to think, feel and behave. But I discovered that I needed help to do those things consistently with grace, love, kindness and in peace. The help came from the people in the rooms, the program, the literature, doing the work and my Higher Power, who I found in the program and in all of you.

What a journey! So lucky to have found this path to inner truth, happiness and serenity. When I live in solution and stay in the center of this luxurious life raft… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“A solid sense of brotherhood and sisterhood gives us strength when we feel fear or despair and helps sustain our power of love.” — FEAR – Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm

In 1982 I finally quit drinking and drugging. Having been to some AA and Al-Anon meetings, I was determined to never join the cult. I found some of the people to be phony, others to be preachy, and still others to be just plain sick. At that time in my life I had a job, car, a place to live, and a girlfriend. And I was sober. So I thought, “I’ll be great now!” Little did I realize that I gave up the one thing that made me feel ok – drugs and alcohol.

So I white knuckled it – for 7 years. By the time I came into the rooms, I felt more alone and desperate than almost any other time in my life. I was finally ready to put principles before personalities; to suspend my contempt prior to investigation; to open my mind to the possibility that something greater than me was out there. And thus began the start of a journey that gave to me a life beyond my wildest dreams. My aloneness disappeared because I was embraced by all of you—my brothers and sisters in fellowship—loved and accepted in a way that was almost overwhelming.

To each and every one of you who has touched, and continues to touch my life with your love, thank you from the bottom of my heart… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“My love for you is deeper than the ocean…” — 12 Step Prayer Book 
If you were to imagine that there really is a God, wouldn’t it be cool if you imagined that your personal Higher Power felt this way towards you? Of course I know some of the higher powers out there are “Group of Drunks”, “Good Orderly Direction”, nature, pets, the universe, energy, the Tree of Life, etc. And that’s totally cool. Mine used to be some of those (it’s always evolving).

But there’s something that really works for me imagining a higher power that’s not amorphous (without shape). I can then imagine that God has infinite love for me (as I have for my kids). And epic guidance to help me make kind, loving decisions that are best for me and others. 

I imagine that I can place anything that’s just too much for me into my Higher power’s hands and God says “Thank you for trusting me with this and letting it go. I got it. Everything will turn out great, you’ll see.” (That gift alone is worth believing in God). And I’m 100% cool imagining all this, because when I let myself believe in a God of my understanding, with all my heart, contrary to any and all evidence that would refute God’s existence, real or imagined, my life is infinitely better, I am way happier and … ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… I was drawn to groups that stick to the traditions. At those meetings I felt an extra measure of safety and solidity.” – Hope for Today 

For most of us, the traditions are an afterthought to the program, kind of boring but… whatever. I’ve learned that our program wouldn’t exist without them, and when I apply them in my outside life, things work way better there too. So here’s my recap of the traditions, in my own words. As they say, take what you like and leave the rest…

Tradition 1 says that we have unity, but also individual liberty. However, in matters of disagreement, the welfare of the group always comes first. 

Tradition 2 says that old timers (like me) are NOT in charge, it’ll always be a group conscious. This supports tradition 1, common welfare first. 

Tradition 3 says no one can ever kick you out of AA or Al-Anon, though you can be voted out of a group if, due to your behavior, it’s in the common welfare for you to go. 

Tradition 4 says no other AA group or organization can ever dictate to, or control another group or meeting. It also suggests we don’t take ourselves too seriously. 

Tradition 5 reminds us that, above all else, our primary purpose is to carry the message to those still suffering. 

Tradition 6 reminds us that using our experience, strength, hope and sobriety outside of AA and Al-Anon in conjunction with earning a living is fine.  But using our affiliation with AA or Al-Anon as a means to promote ourselves or a business is not cool at all. In fact, it damages our program. 

Tradition 7 says that we should contribute to the success of our recovery and the program by throwing down a couple bucks. It’s a very small investment, particularly for guy’s like me that spent 50 times that amount each day on my bad habits. 

Tradition 8 is kind of like 6 in that if we mix money making opportunities with the AA and Al-Anon, we will stop being able to save people, like us, from a lifetime of suffering. 

Tradition 9 says the people we’ve elected to be in service are not in charge, WE are actually in charge of THEM, and if they think it’s the other way around, we will simply have them step down. 

Tradition 10 says we stay out of controversy by not commenting on outside issues like politics and religion. A pretty smart and simple idea no matter where I go. 

Tradition 11 says that we are irrepressible promotors, but must stop doing that if we want to help others. Instead let’s work a rock solid program, have all the promises come true, and then smile as others are attracted to our way of life. 

Tradition 12 reminds us that lots of people in the program will bug us but we need to practice acceptance and tolerance, and take what we like and leave the rest if we want to remain in recovery and have a better life. We also need to keep what we hear and see in the rooms confidential. That builds integrity within us and helps others feel safe. 

When I use the principles behind the traditions to guide my thoughts, words and actions… ILML!