“Fear is the energy that activates my character defects… What triggers my fear…? Trying to control… I make a list, with one column titled “can change” and another titled “can’t change.” – Hope For Today 8/15

I read this with my Sponsee Richie yesterday and it makes a lot of sense. If I find myself struggling, I’ll whip out my pen, make these two lists, direct my attention to the “Can Change List” and give my HP the “Can’t Change List”. Just one more tool to invite serenity back in. ILML!

– JamesQ

“… until you heal the wounds of the past, you will continue to bleed…” – Iyanla Vanzant’s Yesterday, I Cried

That’s the beauty of steps 4-9. When used as a daily tool they are a formula to heal all pain quickly and stay healthy. Burying pain only leads to bleeding ulcers from suppressing my dis-ease. Left unchecked it grows into an emotional and physical cancer. But when I acknowledge & accept that I am hurt, then take action to resolve it with my program tools and HP, I stop the bleeding, often before it starts. Magically, once again, I join the winning side and, again, get to love my life!

“Where there is hatred, let me sow love”. – Excerpt from the Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi out of the 12 Step Prayer Book

When it comes right down to it, if this is my real true goal, to always bring love, not just where there is hatred but into every action, word and thought I have, I can continue to skyrocket through this amazing life I’ve been given. Love is the miracle grow for this life beyond my wildest dreams. I hope I never stop spreading it around. ILML!

“… A.A. has done more for me than just stop me from drinking… It has taught me that success and failure are never final, and that neither count for very much in the final assessment of any man who has done his best.”
– Big Book, “The Career Officer”

Three others in our program, along with me, email our daily gratitude lists to each other. The other day, one of them wrote on their list that they were grateful for backup plans. Often times we just respond to each other with encouragement. Today I’d like to share my comment to his gratitude with you.

I’m a big believer in Plan B’s. I put 110% into my goals and stay optimistic while recognizing that I still may not get what I seek. But that’s good too because I believe that my HP has a better plan.

Having a Plan B is part of my preparation; actually, it’s part of my Plan A. Knowing I’m ok with Plan B if Plan A doesn’t happen gives me a sense of comfort, while still being hopeful that Plan A happen will happen. The achievement of plan A is generally conditional upon me working towards my goal, and it being God’s will (loving and in my best interest).

In the past, I constantly felt both hopeless and angry when I would try so very hard for something that did not materialize. Today I find lessons in all my efforts, regardless of the result. In this way I get to love my life no matter what happens!

One last thing. Expectations. Plans tend to be tied to hopes, and hopes are very close to expectations. Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment, resentment, self-pity and hopelessness.

Plan Bs help me dodge all those uncomfortable feelings when I don’t get the result I was shooting for, leaving the door open for gratitude to flow in. So when I plan something out I like to look at the possibility of my plan not materializing. I walk through those feelings in advance, make peace with the result I didn’t want, and still optimistically go after achieving my goal. This process has saved me from thousands of hours of needless suffering.

It is my hope that some small part of this story will enrich your life and help you avoid some of the struggling that often results when things don’t go the way we planned. ILML!

JamieQ

“Courtesy, kindness, justice, and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody.” 12&12p93

I often wonder why these ideas were never taught in school. In my opinion, this idea is fundamental to achieving any sort of success in life. How to get along with almost anyone – such a simple and profound recipe. Today I have so many rich relationships with others as a result of living these words, and coupling them with those on page 118 of the Big Book “Patience, tolerance, understanding and love are the watchwords”. This program has given me friends, children, and a wife beyond my wildest dreams. ILML!

“… help me use my experiences to move forward and to make healthier, more loving choices…” Courage to Change

By applying this idea to those difficult and often painful events in my past, I can easily see how those experiences helped to shape the choices I’ve made since. But the bigger value in this message is the application to future events.

As I face difficulties, I can use it to remember that everything I will go through in life has the ability to help me grow into a better person. From this day forth, I will become more aware of this goal during each and every moment in my life, particularly the tough ones. I will look for something I can learn from in every interaction and experience that doesn’t meet with my preconceived expectations or hopes.

I will be better prepared to handle adversity with the knowledge that this uncomfortable moment can really help me for the rest of my life. In those uncomfortable moments that surely will come, I will give up my old reactions of blame and self-pity and exchange them for the the awareness that I am about to learn something that will help me make better choices. Now I have something great to look forward to, no matter how life goes! ILML!

“I do not respond well when someone tries to impose their will on me; why have I tried to impose my will on those around me?” Courage to Change

This is something that I need to continue to watch for. I’m addicted to control but seriously dislike when others try to control me. Often others help and I perceive it as control. I should remember this when I feel like “I’m just trying to help”, and they feel controlled. When I act and speak with this awareness in mind, my relationships are 1000 times happier and as a result ILML even more!

– JamesQ