AA

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Persuasion Mode

“It’s important to express my ideas. It is also important to accept the outcome.”
— Courage to Change

These two little sentences have particular relevance to me. I love expressing my ideas, that’s not my problem. My challenge has been accepting others’ reaction to them. I’m a people pleaser who wants people to agree with me. When they disagree, the temptation is to enter into “persuasion mode”, where I attempt, with a vast array of manipulative tools, to get them to agree. Guess what I discovered? People don’t like it when I do that. So today, by working the program, I’m learning to surrender their reaction and be open to hearing their point of view. I’m still stubborn, but I’m doing a lot better these days, and grateful for that. It’s an amazing day to be alive and ILML! – James

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The Trick

“When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love …” — As Bill Sees It (in today’s Daily Reflections)

It’s ridiculously simply. If I want to be a messenger of love to everyone around me, I simply need to feel grateful. And doing that is actually quite easy. When I make (or sometime just read) my gratitude list, it happens. The trick for me, is to remember to make the list when I’m uncomfortable for any reason whatsoever. If I keep a small gratitude book in my pocket, or use my smartphone, I can ALWAYS get back to love (which to me, is another word for God). ILML!!!! — James

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Stay Present

C2C “Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days. . .. What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power, and Genius in it” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This reminds me of the line in the BB: “to the precise extent that we permit these (resentments) do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile”. The word ‘these’ can refer to many things in life and in today’s case, lost days. I don’t want to lose time looking back anymore. Today I’m going to do what I’ve always wanted to do, stay present, and grow… iLmL – Richie

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Priceless Gift of Obedience

“His life actually depends upon obedience to spiritual principles… he discovers a way of life he really wants to live… he finds he cannot keep this priceless gift unless he gives it away.” 12&12 p130

This really is a priceless gift. Not only sobriety, but recovery too. I love growing and learning in this program, and it happens when I’m doing loving things, thinking loving thoughts, and staying in gratitude. Just got back to Maui after a great trip with family in Santa Monica. I’m a very grateful guy. And, ILML! – James

A NOTE ON THE WORD OBEDIENCE

After writing today’s blog I realized the word obedience was really rubbing me the wrong way. Kind of like the word ‘Amen’ used to, often spoken at the end of the Serenity Prayer in meetings. It felt way to religious for me to say. To get over that one, I looked it up and discovered one definition of Amen was ‘I agree’. I never had a problem agreeing with the Serenity Prayer and never had a problem saying that word any more.

One of the reasons the word ‘obedience’ bothered me is that it feels like someone is trying to control me and tell me what to do. I hate that. You see I’m rebellious in nature. As it says on page 31, “defiance is the outstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic.”.
The truth is, often times I want to be in control and to be “right”, so that no one can blame me and say I’m ‘wrong’. I’ve done a lot of work on this type of thinking, and it’s not quite as prevalent as it used to be, but it still crops up way too often, especially when I’m spiritually disconnected.

So I looked up the etymology of the word ‘obedience’ this morning. It sent me to the word ‘obey.’ There I discovered one source fir the word was the Latin word ‘obedire’, which literally translated means to ‘listen to’. So my defiance is technically me saying “I don’t want to ‘listen to’ spiritual principles. No, wait, I actually do want to be guided by those principles.

Ok, so I found a way to get over my distaste for the word ‘obedience’. Now I can say (with a smile on my face) I want to be obedient to my wife, I want to be obedient to God, I want to be obedient to my kids. It still feels uncomfortable, but I’m smart enough to know that it was my contempt of the word prior to investigation that led me to judge it. I also know that I really do want to be a good listener, which technically means I want to be good at being obedient.

Thanks for your obedience to me today… 🙂

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Discovering Me

“… I have found that the process of discovering who I really am begins with knowing who I really don’t want to be.”
― Alcoholics Anonymous

Several nights ago I was asked to be the speaker at a meeting which required the selecting & reading of a passage from the Big Book. I choose the one above, as it gave me an opportunity to reflect on the fact that I’m grateful I no longer think, act or feel the way I did before sobriety. I didn’t have to do the typical drunk-a-logue, though in a round about sort of way, I shared what that James looked like (not a pretty picture). I shared mostly how AA and AlAnon, and the tools I use from them, have transformed me as a person – from thoughts to feelings to actions. I like this new James a while lot better – and so does my family. I think that everyone on this road is very fortunate to have the chance to evolve into a happier, kinder and better person. I certainly know I am. Off to beautiful Stockton (:-) to get an early start on Softball Tournaments this weekend. ILML! – James

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Soul Medicine

“… The consciousness of God’s love … brings wonderful relief from the cares and worries of our daily lives. Relief brings peace and peace brings contentment. Try to walk in God’s love.” – Twenty Four Hours A Day

I once heard someone say “be careful of what you’re thinking, your mind is listening.” That was a very important lesson for me. The more I think about the problem, or the fear, or a resentment, the more I tend to manifest what comes out of those thoughts. But like the quote from 24 Hours, when I think of God (love/gratitude) I am relived of stress, I calm down and I suddenly feel, once again, at peace. God consciousness is good medicine for my soul. ILML! – James

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Celebrate Life

Don’t be a grave robber. Let corpses alone…Every time you dig up an old grievance or an old mistake by rehearsing it in your mind or, still worse, by telling someone else about it, you are simply ripping open a grave … Live the present. The past is past—liquidate it. If a negative memory comes into your mind, cremate it with the right thought (the fire of Love) and forget it. – Around the Year with Emmet Fox.

Kaboom! If that doesn’t set it straight, I’m not sure what will. 85% or more of my struggles come from grave robbing (the rest come from future #@!!ing). Today I will not dig through maggots and rotting flesh – it’s an uncomfortable space to live in. It’s a beautiful day of life and my plan is to stay in this gift of the present and enjoy it. What about you? ILML! – James

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Plugging In

“… our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.”
– BB pg 183-4

This uncomplicated the concept of God for me. The program simply helped me tap into something that saved my life. Like others, I chose to believe that thing is my HP, and it’s always in me. I can unplug from my Lower Power energy, and plug into my Higher Power energy, at any time. It’s a lot easier to remember to do this when I’ve stayed connected to my program, but regardless, it’s always there. No one can take that plug away from me. Plugging in will re-energize me with peace, love, gratitude, kindness and emotional well-being. All I have to do is plug in, and just like that… ILML! – James

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Happiness Equation

Daily Reflections from yesterday “Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done. However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes from ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others”

What a beautiful and yet very simple equation for true happiness. Remembering that there is never a point at which I will be exempt from experiencing more joy. Meaning there will always be work and subsequently happiness in doing so. iLmL – Richie

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(D)anger

“Recently I reacted to a situation. I started to get angry – really angry… anger is just one letter short of danger… that one-second choice between working my anger or working my program…” – Courage to Change

For me, anger is my warning siren that I’m in fear, and fear indicates that I’ve gotten disconnected from my HP. So my solution to staying out of the drama of anger is to plug back into my HP – pretty difficult to do when I’m mad, but not impossible. My secret is to (1) be aware when I’m getting angry (2) take one really deep breath in and out, and (3) get away from the cause of my anger ASAP. If I can say something nice like “sorry, I can’t talk right now” even better. But either way, if I detach right away I can avoid the emotional hangover, the wreckage and the amends I would otherwise need to make, if I did not detach. And there you have it, another little lesson I’ve learned on how to stay happy, joyous and free in recovery! ILML – James