gratitude

Gratitude Lists
by

Gratitude Lists

Many of you may be already doing a gratitude list each day. Many in your journal, others maybe digitally. Some of you don’t do them yet, and that’s ok. Hopefully though, you’ll be encouraged to do them by this post!

For years I’ve been sending out, and receiving, gratitude lists to many others via text. Their lists encourage and remind me to do my list, and vice versa, while we also get to share some of the most wonderful parts of our lives with each other.

So, without further ado, here’s my list today…

Grateful…

For the life I have today. Sometimes I’m not sure how I got from there to here, but it’s really epic.

Can’t believe I’m living in beautiful Maui, in an incredible home with ocean views, and have an amazing sober, loving tenant that helps me take care of the property.

We get to have both an AA/AlAnon double winners meeting on Sundays and a Life Lover meeting on Thursdays at our property. So rad.

Love my new sponsee. Building close relationships with other men in the pursuit of helping them love their lives and become even better versions of themselves is such an honor.

So blessed to my a family and children who give me love, and allow me to love them, more than I had ever thought possible.

Many of my current sponsees have become my best friends. Men I would trust with my life and family. Men I can count on, who are always there for me, as I am for them. Men I am truly proud of.

My the therapist, who just yesterday took me on a wonder 45 minute meditation, whereby the flow of my breath, in and out, matched the vision in my mind of the ocean flowing over the sand and back out, like the breath of our planet.

Open mindedness. Over the last 10 years or so I’ve noticed an increased willingness of exploration into new ways to expand both my love of life and my connection to source. My contempt prior to investigation is waning, finally.

Consistency and self-discipline in recovery. Because I’ve now identified a direct correlation between the practice of my recovery rituals and the strength of my capacity to love life, I’ve really stepped up my game in this area, and it’s paying off in huge dividends.

My ability to be self-supporting. It doesn’t matter how much money I make, what’s important is that I’m making my best effort to try to financially support myself and those who are financially dependent upon me.

From a lost, struggling alcoholic, druggy kid who was angry at his parents and the world, sleeping in alleys, bus depots, abandoned cars and homes, to the man I am today and the life I’m living. If that’s not a miracle, I’m not sure what is.

ILML!

Melt Away Hopelessness
by

Melt Away Hopelessness

“…I was hopeless.” AA p.10

“… I bore down hard on the hopelessness..” Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p.152

Hopelessness. I doubt there’s even one of us that has not experienced this feeling.

Sometimes it’s about work, money, bills, housing, a car, or even being able to buy Christmas gifts for family.

More often, for me at least, it’s about my inability to make relationships work the way I want. Not being able to get those I love and care about to love, care about, and treat me the way I want them to.

So ultimately it’s a control issue. When I can’t control people, situations and outcomes, when I can’t get them to align with my expectations (which I often feel are quite reasonable), I fall into the pit of despair. Woe is me. Have pity on me for I am a victim of circumstances. I’m stuck in the abyss of hopelessness with no way out.

But there is a way out. It’s through AWARENESS and ACTION.

At 58 years old I’ve become highly attuned to how I feel physically. If I’m hungry or tired, sore or sick, I’ve learned to take immediate action to resolve it. I don’t like being physically uncomfortable. I’ll take some vitamins, drink more water, take a nap, see the doctor, etc. I’ll do whatever is required to physically feel better. I’m good at taking care of myself in these ways, again, because I don’t like feeling bad.

The same applies to my mental health. I’ve become incredibly attuned to my emotional state of mind. I’m very aware when I feel happy, safe, grateful, comfortable, and at peace. Likewise I know when I’m feeling sad, uncomfortable, depressed, irritable, angry, scared, frustrated or confused.

This is AWARENESS – and it’s fundamental to get me out of my funk. But in order to get all the way out of hopelessness, I need to take ACTION. Luckily, I have an endless supply of concrete, solution-oriented actions that will quickly get me out of hopelessness. Some of the tools I use are:

  • Meditation

  • Connecting with Source

  • Getting our into Nature

  • Doing some Exercise

  • Reading from Inspirational Books

  • Sharing Excerpts with Others

  • Disco Dancing

  • Singing to Music

  • Getting to a Meeting

  • Playing Guitar

  • Doing Positive Affirmations Aloud

  • Skateboarding

  • Speaking Lovingly to Myself in the Mirror

  • Surfing

  • Journaling out Thoughts & Feelings

  • Buying myself something Small

  • Making & Sharing a Gratitude List

  • Doing some Yoga

  • Listening to Spiritual Podcasts

  • Getting Productive on my Tasks

  • Taking a Nap

  • Smiling & saying hi to others

  • Giving Love to a fog, cat or pet

  • Volunteering my time

  • Staying in bed for 8 hours Max

  • Yelling our “I LOVE MY LIFE” repeatedly

  • Being kind & loving to everyone possible

  • Refusing to Complain about my problems

  • Seeing my therapist to seek solution

  • Cleaning my house, car & office

  • Working my program & steps

  • Writing a 4th step on my hopelessness

  • Eating some sweets

  • Getting myself organized

  • Going to a movie

  • Call my sponsor to get into gratitude

  • Calling newcomers to check on them

  • Actively practice forgiveness in writing

  • Picking up trash I see on the sidewalk

  • Stopping to smell a flower

  • Understanding/Surrendering Expectations

  • Immersing myself in the ocean

  • Living in the Moment Exercises

  • Snorkeling and watching the fish

  • Working out of my step-work book

Many of these are tools that I use preemptively, to prevent me from falling into a funk to begin with.

But I also use them when I’m feeling hopeless, and provided I’m willing to do whatever it takes, and use every tool available if necessary, my hopelessness always melts away, and I’m guided back to that warm and wonderful place of gratitude where.. ILML!

— JamieQ

The Elixir of Recovery
by

The Elixir of Recovery

“We knew how to love in crisis, in a state of constant mental chatter, grabbing onto old fears to stay mentally busy, which somehow made us feel safe. Weirdly, when we were worried, we felt in control.” – Adapted from Courage to Change

My DisEase is cunning, baffling and powerful. It loves to be in control. The idea of letting go and letting God, surrendering, and admitting I’m powerless over anything, (including others and my relationships with them) is something my DisEase absolutely abhors. Why? Because doing so literally KILLS my dis-ease.

Instead, it wants it’s daily dose of fertilizer. The ingredients of my DisEase’s Miracle Grow are neediness, control, fear, resentment, it’s-not-fairism, self-righteousness, lying, manipulation, condescension, justification, blame, arguing, defensiveness, fighting, self-pity, loneliness, isolation, laziness, procrastination, focusing on the problem, frustration, unsolicited advice giving, hopelessness, purposelessness, exhaustion, eating poorly, going outside my hula hoop, closed-mindedness, body shaming myself, not making recovery my priority, and giving with secret expectation for a return.

That’s a long list right? The truth is that I could probably add 100 more ingredients to that concoction. But here’s the good news: For every ingredient in my DisEase’s Miracle Grow, there an antidote.

So here’s my challenge to you today. Take a moment to write, or type, out a list of the exact opposite of each of the ingredients on the list above. Now print it out and tape it onto your fridge.

This is the secret to happiness. The more often that I practice working with the ingredients necessary to create the elixir of recovery, the more ILML!

— JamieQ

PS if you’re so inclined, share your list with me!

.

That means that everything we want out of the relationship we get, simply by loving them madly.

Pretty cool concept. Not easy, but very cool.

A Small Price to Pay
by

A Small Price to Pay

“By working this step, we keep the cobwebs out of (our life).” – Reaching for Personal Freedom

This morning, working on the 10th step in my work book, I came across that sentence. Cobwebs are fine when they’re catching pleasant memories. But when they catch ahold of fears, problems, self-pity, anger, frustration and hopelessness, those cobwebs have to be swept away or they will destroy me.

The only way I’ve discovered how to eliminate such cobwebs from my life is to approach them like a final exam in college that I really need to get an A in.

Having had a difficult time keeping my attention focused throughout my life, I had to work super hard in college to get good grades. While others, like my younger brother, could get A’s by just glancing at text books and attended some classes, I had to approach college differently.

I would read the text book. Then read it a second time with a highlighter in my hand, highlighting what I thought might be on a test. Then I’d write out, in a notebook, everything that I highlighted. Then I’d read it into a tape recorder. Then I’d listen to what I read over and over. Plus, I made sure to attended every class and took copious notes. I even sold my notes to others, they were so good. Ever the entrepreneur. I ended up scoring very high in college, but it was really, really hard work and very, very long hours.

I approach my program the same way. The prize isn’t A’s —it’s something even better: when I make working my program, growing spiritually, and carrying the message to others the priority in my life, and I commit at least a couple hours each day doing it, I get to be rocketed into the forth dimension and have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I also get to have great relationships with others and love the man I’m becoming. It’s so cool.

So each day, when I awaken, I resolve for that day to allocate the first couple of hours to working my program, which I call the Daily Deal. I think it’s a small price to pay in order to get an attitude of gratitude and be happy, joyous and free.

Because… I’ve learned that when I make recovery my priority… ILML!

— Jamie Q

Life Gets Lifey
by

Life Gets Lifey

“Lack of power, that was our dilemma.” AA, pg. 45

I’m part of a group of individuals that sends out gratitude lists back-and-forth, between each other, on almost a daily basis. This morning I received a gratitude list from someone who works a rigorous 12 step spiritual program of action. In it, she said, “I don’t try and control things as much as I used to.”

It made me think that, although the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous were correct in the fact that lack of power was our dilemma, particularly with regard to alcohol, I’ve found that in long-term recovery, it’s lack of control that seems to be at the root of many of my troubles.

Whether I’m willing to admit it or not, I tend to want people to do the things that I want them to do, act the way that I want them to act, and speak to me the way I would like to be spoken to.

I also tend to want situations to go the way that I want them to go, how I think they should happen, Because I believe that would be the best outcome not only for me, but for everyone else to.

And I’m very clear as to what I would like to happen with regard to the health of my body. I’d like to always be strong, healthy, slim and attractive.

Well, at 57 years old I’ve finally begun to realize that life doesn’t always turn out exactly the way I’d like it to go. As I often say, without my ability to manage, direct and control everything, life tends to get lifey.

More often than not, people have an inclination to do what they would like to do, rather than what I would like them to do.

Things that I’ve planned often turn out differently than I hoped.

And my body, well, it has this weird way of getting older and, well, heavier. LOL. I also noticed that the older I get, the more I experience strange aches and pains, some of which have actually required medical intervention.

So you see, my ability to control people, places and things is really just an illusion of control. As they say in ALAnon, I’m really only in charge of what’s happening inside my hula hoop. And even then, at least when it comes to my human body, I’m really not in complete control of that either.

What I have learned to control is the amount of energy I put into becoming the best version of me I can possibly become. That includes doing things that positively feed my mind l, body and spirit. In these situations, the only one I’m battling for control with, is my DisEase. He would certainly prefer that I spend zero time taking care of myself spiritually, emotionally and physically because the more pain I am in, the more likely I will hurt others and hurt myself.

So again, just for today, like most of the days over the last 17 years of my life, I’ll make my recovery a priority. Because when I put first things first… ILML!

Focus on the Here & Now
by

Focus on the Here & Now

“It’s difficult to stay in the present… I start living simultaneously in the past and the future.” — Adapted from Hope for Today, p.158

Every time I feel uncomfortable, it’s frequently because I’m upset about something that has already happened or worried about something that may happen. More often than not I’m in both places at once, thinking about the past and scared about the future. Sometimes my thoughts go like this, “Oh my God, look what happened. Now what’s going to happen?“.

Books have been written about the importance of staying in the moment, where neither the present nor the past exists, and for good reason. If I’m interested in being a piece, comfortable in my own skin, and enjoying life one moment at a time (which I am), it’s best for me to give both the past and the future to my higher power, and keep my focus on the here and now, where everything really is fine and… ILML!

— JamieQ

Loving Life is a Miracle
by

Loving Life is a Miracle

It’s impossible to feel like life is full of miracles while addicted to drugs and alcohol. But getting, and staying, sober wasn’t all I wanted—I wanted to love my life so much that I’d feel like shouting it out every day!

Today I do, and it’s amazing. Here are the three steps it took (and continue to take) to become someone who spends most of my time loving life, being happy, joyous and free.

The first step was for me to decide that, since I was now sober, becoming a life lover was my next top priority. More important than making money. More important than accomplishing other tasks. More important than putting others’ needs above mine. I became willing to take any and all positive actions I could to love my life. Not just like it, love it!

Once that commitment was out of the way, the second step was to have a consistent morning routine which included meditation, connecting with source, mirror talk, singing, dancing, showering and straightening up, exercising, reading and listening to things that are uplifting, writing out what your grateful for, and taking a written inventory of my last 24 hours and writing down how I felt at that moment. Sounds like a lot? It is. Nothing great happens without commitment and work. I spend a lot of time and do a lot of work each day to love my life, and it’s 100% worth the investment.

The third, and perhaps most important, way to assure that I would love my life, and continue to do so, was to share my passion for loving life with others and help them discover how to be a life lover. I do this in meetings (AA, AlAnon, NarAnon and Life Lovers) and with everyone I meet. There’s a sign on the front door to my office “If this door is locked we’re out loving life!”, and notes all over my home about gratitude and loving life. As we’ve heard many times, “We have to give it away to keep it”.

Today I choose to believe that EVERYTHING is a miracle, because when I live in that frame of mind… ILML!

When I Align I’m Fine
by

When I Align I’m Fine

“When things are the darkest, say thank you. Because God has put a rainbow in every cloud. And though you can’t see it yet, it’s coming.” – Oprah recounting advice from Maya Angelou

If you’re like me, and have actually chosen to believe the everything in life happens for a reason. If you have actually chosen to trust the your personal higher power has your back. If you have actually chosen that, no matter what happens, your feelings won’t be a hostage to it, but that instead you’ll insist on being grateful, then you’ve discovered one of the secrets to ALWAYS loving your life.

When I align my will with my higher powers, aka want exactly what’s happening right here and now… ILML!

One Interpretation of God
by

One Interpretation of God

“From low to high, the levels of consciousness are: shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride, courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, enlightenment.” — Power vs. Force by David R. Hawkins

I was texting with a friend this morning about our concepts of a higher power. I said:

I love that we get to choose who or what our higher power is. Mine is love, gratitude, compassion, happiness, etc. It’s also my higher consciousness, as opposed to my lower consciousness.

His response was:

Yeah, I notice mine changes constantly, but I really dig the idea of higher vs lower consciousness.

Having been a guy with very low self esteem, angry at myself and the world around me, I used alcohol and drugs to deal with my thoughts and feelings. As a result of how I felt, my behavior was often self-centered, unkind, and destructive. I was operating from a place of shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire and anger. In other words, I was fully connected to, and acting out of, my lower consciousness.

After doing the daily readings, journaling, gratitude lists, meditations, fellowship, and service work for many years, I began to start practicing and experiencing a healthy sense of pride, I became more courageous, started becoming more willing to evolve, opening up to the idea of acceptance, and ultimately I began to experience more love, joy, peace and enlightenment. In other words, I started moving away from my lower consciousness and began connecting to my higher consciousness.

For many of us who are not comfortable with religion, the word God is so intrinsically tied to religion that it’s difficult for us to connect to, or even believe in, the idea of God.

Though these days I’m cool with the words God and Higher Power, I still interpret those words as “My Higher Consciousness.” It just makes sense to me. Others interpret them as they choose, so I believe I have a right to my beliefs. And I’ve discovered that the more diligent I am at consistently practicing rituals which keep me connected with my higher, rather than my lower, consciousness, the more ILML!

— JamieQ

New Year’s Resolution
by

New Year’s Resolution

”The person who has gratitude to express has in some sense been lifted from a place of lack or need to a place of well-being and abundance.” — Attitudes of Gratitude in Love

Why is negativity such a guiding force in most peoples lives? Why do we get sucked into blaming, complaining, self-pity, debating, and obsessing on things that don’t really make us happy? It’s not a question that I have a good answer for, but I do know that, in the last year alone, I’ve spent over 10,000 minutes there. That boils down to about a half hour every day.

Reflecting on that fact, I feel the majority of that time was wasted. Yes, there were certain lessons that I needed to learn, but in retrospect, I would’ve rather spent each one of those minutes focused on things that make me happy, fill me with the feeling of abundance, and create harmony in my life.

But life is all about evolving. Today is the first day of a new year, so for my resolution, I resolve to spend even less time being in a negative frame of mind, and more time focused on gratitude. This is the best way I know how to love my life.

— JamieQ