The Lucky Ones

“Recently I reacted to a situation. I started to get angry – really angry. I felt like a victim.” — Hope for Today

One of the greatest things I’ve learned about in recovery is the intrinsic relationship between anger and victimhood. This was reinforced by the enlightening book “You Can’t Make Me Angry”, written by one of our members.

Basically, I’ve discovered that it’s impossible for me to be angry without being a victim. Even in situations where nobody did something hurtful to me directly, the fact that they’ve stolen away my serenity, even temporarily, makes me their victim, empowering the person or institution that I resented in the first place!

When I’m in a state of expansive awareness, and I recognize this, I can apply that wonderful AlAnon slogan “I am responsible for my own serenity.” Remember that, I then start applying tools for serenity to my life. Deep breathing. Gratitude lists. Funny videos. Petting my dog or cat. Yoga. Meditation. Reading from my spiritual backpack. Journaling out my feelings and solutions.

I’m so lucky to have been touched by alcoholism. Without this disease, along with the affects it’s had on my life, I wouldn’t qualify to be a member in AA and AlAnon. How odd is it that? In order to be invited into the greatest program in the world, I had to be caught in the crossfire? Hopefully, one day, everyone can gain membership into a 12 step program, and benefit from our collective experiences, without necessarily having been devastated by this disease.

But until then, I’ll count myself as one of the lucky ones. Because of AA, AlAnon, the people in the programs, and having found a higher power… ILML!

JamieQ

Being Proud of Myself

Being Proud of Myself

“There is a moment, just before I act, when I have a choice about my action.” — Reaching for Personal Freedom

The critical concepts intrinsic to playing well with others and having a serene, joyful life have been repeated over and over in various ways by various people through the ages.

This idea, to pause when agitated, to grace the space between the impulse and the action, to simply keep my mouth closed whenever I’m feeling uncomfortable, can make the difference between happiness and misery, marriage and divorce, friendship and isolation.

But I’ve discovered it’s virtually impossible to practice this incredibly important habit unless I’ve been practicing the other tools that allow me to love my life.

In other words, when I’m upset and about to open my mouth, send the text or email, or post the comment, my ability to refrain from doing so is directly proportion to how diligently I’ve been working my life loving program.

Sleep. Meditation. Connecting with source. Yoga. Keeping myself and my surroundings clean and organized. Doing affirmations. Helping others for fun and free. Taking time out to appreciate nature. Practicing my hobbies. Dancing. Being responsible. Smiling. Knowing when I’ve hurt others and making amends quickly. Singing. Journaling. Laughing. Listening to upbeat music. Exercising my muscles. Eating healthy and delicious food. Reading from inspirational books to evolve. Not taking myself and life so seriously. Having fellowship. Yelling out “I love my life!”

These are just some of the tools I use each day to prepare me for that inevitable moment when I’m uncomfortable with what’s going on and tempted to give someone my two cents. And even when the situation warrants a response, I’m much more likely to express my feelings in a loving way, provided I’ve been taking care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually.

By keeping my side of the street clean, I’m free of guilt, proud of the way I handle myself with others and… ILML!

— JamieQ

The Green Zone

The Green Zone

The mind is an unusual thing. Unlike our hands, lips or eyes, our minds aren’t quite as easily controlled. At times they take off on their own, regardless of what we may, or may not, want our minds to do. Thinking, “Grab that cup of coffee,” always works for me. But thinking, “I want to feel better right now,” rarely works in the same way.

So what can we do? How can we tame our feelings when they are out of control? How do we stop destructive thoughts that recycle over and over, like a merry-go-round in our brain?

Here’s my solution: once I’m aware of what’s happening, and I’ve decided I want it to stop, I pick up my bag of recovery tools and inject a strong dose of the solution from each tool into my mind.

Like an engine revving too high, way into the red zone (where everything is NOT okay), I need to bring it back down into the green zone (where everything runs smoothly), before it blows up my life.

Each of the tools I employ are designed to get me out of anger, hopelessness, worry and a feeling of victimization and return me to a place of gratitude, hopefulness, peace and a feeling of abundance.

The actions I’m speaking of are outlined here in this website and in many of my blog posts. Each one is an actual concrete, physical action that requires me to stop what I’m doing and invest time into using the tool, which then results in a positive shift in my perception.

I no longer need to sit around when my mind is thinking about upsetting things, or when I’m feeling down. I’m not interested in being unhappy for even one extra second than I have to. The program offers me a huge array of options to get out of misery and into happiness. And I can do it as quickly as I want, whenever I’m ready.

My feelings and thoughts are not the result of what others are doing to me, or what’s happening in my life—that’s a lie I used to tell myself to play the victim. I now recognize that I have 100% control over my thoughts and feelings. Not 99%, 100%.

The faster I recognize my discomfort, shut my mouth, grab my tools and get back in the green zone, the less destruction I create for myself and others, the more fun I get to have, and the faster I get back into the place where… ILML!

—JamieQ

(D)anger

“Recently I reacted to a situation. I started to get angry – really angry… anger is just one letter short of danger… that one-second choice between working my anger or working my program…” – Courage to Change

For me, anger is my warning siren that I’m in fear, and fear indicates that I’ve gotten disconnected from my HP. So my solution to staying out of the drama of anger is to plug back into my HP – pretty difficult to do when I’m mad, but not impossible. My secret is to (1) be aware when I’m getting angry (2) take one really deep breath in and out, and (3) get away from the cause of my anger ASAP. If I can say something nice like “sorry, I can’t talk right now” even better. But either way, if I detach right away I can avoid the emotional hangover, the wreckage and the amends I would otherwise need to make, if I did not detach. And there you have it, another little lesson I’ve learned on how to stay happy, joyous and free in recovery! ILML – James