“Of all the recovery behaviors we’re striving to attain, loving ourselves may be the most difficult, and the most important.” The Language of Letting Go

One of my past sponsors suggested I look into the mirror, specifically into my eyes, and say “I love you James”. He said if I can set a timer and spend 5 minutes every morning doing this, saying things like “you’re a good man, I’m proud of you, you rock, you’re handsome, you’re wonderful, I’m so lucky to be you, etc”, it would give me one of the greatest gifts in my life. He was right. I did it most days for the entire year he suggested, and I got the gift: I love being me. And that’s just one more reason why ILML!

– JamesQ

“When I feel far away from a Higher Power, I have to listen very carefully. I listen at meetings… to music… through our literature… I never know from where a message will come.” – Courage to Change

How do I know I’m far from my personal higher power? Easy. If I’m in self pity, blaming, negative, upset, scared, in a funk, or not taking care of myself or my responsibilities, I’m disconnected.

My old reaction to these feelings is to either confront the thing or person that I feel is responsible for my feelings, and attempt to change it or them. If only it or they would ——, I would feel better. Everything would be better. But that faulty thinking doesn’t work.

Of course, if I’m not taking care of my responsibilities, part of the solution is to step up to the plate and take care of them. And that’s true for any change I want to make in me and my attitudes, words or actions which I feel will help my situation out. However, when it comes to me thinking that I will feel better if I can only get a person, place or thing to be or act differently, that’s when it’s best for me to practice the following tool instead: Gratitude.

Gratitude is the tool I use to plug back in. It takes about 30 seconds of conscious gratitude to re-appreciate life and feel good again. The other stuff outside of me need not change in order to gain peace and get back into a positive place. All I need to do is spend a few seconds or minutes getting myself into the feeling of true gratitude for the amazing life I’ve been given and all the blessings I have.

This knowledge, if I simply use it, is the great gift. ILML!

– JamesQ

” The peace of God fills my soul. And I have no fear.” 12 Step Prayer Book

Bam! There it is in a nugget. Said in a million ways, in a hundreds of books and by a thousand gurus. Light casts out darkness. Love eliminates fear and anger. Invite in the Higher Power and the Lower Power leaves the room. This is how I extend periods of happiness and shorten those of discomfort. I become acutely aware of my feelings, especially those that don’t serve me. Then I practice tools that plug me into source, And just like that: I am uplifted. Gratefully recovering nicely from shoulder surgery and definitely, ILML!

– JamesQ

“almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.” – 12 & 12

Not being religious, I was a scoffer for many, many years. One day, I said to my father, who was also in recovery at the time, “How do I believe in God? I want what others have, I just can’t believe.”

He suggested I pray each morning and evening. When I told him I could do it, but doing so would be sacrilegious, he suggested I try being sacrilegious for a week and see if I felt any differently. I asked him “How should I pray?”, and he said, “Simply saying thanks aloud for those things you are grateful for is a good start.”

Though I doubted deeply, I began the ritual the next day, feeling a bit silly and uncomfortable. What happened was that I started feeling better, happier. It took about 3 days of this for me to come to believe that this practice was something that worked for me.

Since that time, over 20 years ago, I have never stopped praying. A non-religious man that has a relationship with a Higher Power he doesn’t really understand and ritualistically prays each morning and evening. Yep, that’s me.

Prayer makes each one of my days considerably more enjoyable. It’s that simple. It’s my time to plug in emotionally and spiritually, and gratitude is the electricity that flows through and around me.

Were, or are you, a scoffer like me? Let me know.

I’m JamesQ and ILML!

“What price am I paying by holding on… this day is too precious… When I spend time wishing things were different, I know that serenity has lost it’s priority… I have to let go… if I want peace of mind.” – Courage to Change

Old behavior tells me to “hang onto” these feelings because I’m upset. But doing so only prolongs my pain, it never changes the situation, except to make it worse. Taking action by doing spiritual and recovery work leads me back to my HP, encouraging me to let go and focus back on gratitude. This is my path back to peace. ILML!

JamesQ

“I need another trusted person with whom to share… reveal myself intimately… they all listen to and… hold me accountable for my choices and actions… I am never alone.” Hope For Today

This is one of the most magical parts of staying in the middle of a 12 step program – the fellowship. Forging strong, safe relationships with others who’s trusted opinions guide me to be the best and most peaceful person I can be.

All of the posts in this section of my 12stepwork.com site with the name JamesQ at the bottom are also sent out via text to about 65 people who asked to receive them. They are also reposted on my private Facebook page. Those who receive them are close program and family members, and all of those safe relationships who’s trusted opinions I rely upon are within this small social group. I am so grateful for these individuals.

My recovery is about so much more than just sobriety, my spiritual work or the meetings for me. Together, with all of these wonderful people, I am so much happier than I could ever be alone. ILML!

JamesQ

“What we think, we become.” ― Buddha.

I deeply believe in this concept. It’s something many other spiritual leaders have spoken as well. I often say “be careful what you’re thinking because your mind is listening”. Not only does it listens, it believes. And then from that belief it projects my thoughts into my future, actually manifesting my life from my beliefs.

This means that if I am thinking things like “Life is really tough, I’m tired, I hate that guy, etc.” all those things will become my world. The trick for me is to become aware of those negative thoughts, and their power to create a negative life for myself. Then I simply change them: “Life is amazing! I have tons of energy! That guy is just suffering, I’m glad I’m not him and I hope he gets better!”. Sometimes I need to write it and say it out loud to blot out the negative thoughts. This practice has changed my life. As a result of it, today I’m full of gratitude and ILML!

– James Q