“I am… a victim of my expectations… When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt.” – Daily Reflections

Oftentimes I find myself hoping that someone else will live up to their full potential and be the person I want and know they can be, only to find myself disappointed, again and again. This usually happens when I’m so emotionally involved that I fail to see reality, which is that they’re simply not there yet. All the hoping, wishing, praying, encouraging, pouting and threatening won’t get them there either — instead it just sets me up for frustration, disappointment and anger. The good news is that, with the help of the program and others in it, I’m learning to assess situations more clearly and detach as needed. As our program says “lack of power is my dilemma”. So instead of hoping, expecting and waiting for them to change so both of us can be happier, by simply accepting them for who they are, and focusing on taking care of myself, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“My recovery is a matter of balance.” – Hope for Today 

For an all-or-nothing multi-tasking people-pleasing driven type of person like me, that’s been a pretty big challenge. When I think of balance, even that can seem overwhelming. I start thinking “Ok, I’ll balance working with paying bills, being there for my wife and kids, being of service to my sponsees, working my program, doing my affirmations, my prayers, my yoga, journaling, reading from inspirational books, getting the car washed, working out, getting the laundry done, playing guitar, eating healthy, sleeping, taking care of my clients, meditating, getting into nature, cleaning the house, organizing, fixing some broken things, making some improvements, putting out fires, and sleeping. I’m sure I left out about 20 things, at least, lol. When my brain takes me there I simply say to myself “Breathe James, just breathe.” And then a smile creeps onto my face as I realize there really are no big deals, except to just enjoy this moment. The great thing is that when I stop and work the principles of the program on my own magic mind, it calms me down long enough for me to remember that ILML! 

– JamieQ

“It is well, when one is judging… to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality.” – Arnold Bennett, In God’s Care

This quote cracked me up. If there’s one thing that’s true, it’s that we all know how everyone else should act, what they should do, and what they should not be doing. Did you notice that I used the word “should” three times in that sentence? Have you ever heard the saying “Don’t should on me!”? The truth is, not a day goes by where I don’t take someone else’s inventory. Drivers in traffic, friends, family members, co-workers, people in meetings. I have a very keen eye for noticing what others are doing wrong. And as long as that’s my focus, I can’t be happy or at peace. These days I try to keep the focus on me — specifically on the great stuff in my life, and sharing it with others. Because as long as I’m focusing on things that make me feel grateful, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“…although I have no control over other people, I can change the way I react to them.”- Adapted from Courage to Change 

Choosing and using a reasonable response when I dislike or am hurt by another’s actions, words or behavior is one of the most important ways for me to achieve emotional sobriety and happiness. I am extremely sensitive. EXTREMELY! I have a history of not pausing when agitated, not being able to restrain my words or control my actions in response to feeling upset by another. And gracing the space between the impulse and the action has not come easily for me. But by consistently working a daily set of specifically outlined actions designed to increase my connection to the program and my higher power, I’ve managed, little by little, to become better at the art of responding rather than reacting. And when I’m able to do that, rather than jumping into another person’s anger, fears or frustrations, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“When we become devoted to loving ourselves and using that love as the standard by which we interact with others, all the riches of life will fall into our laps.” – Until Today 

Now, this is one of the truest secrets of all. We seek desperately to be liked, appreciated and loved by others, yet true abundance comes from learning to deeply love ourselves and our life, then “bringing it” into every relationship and situation we encounter in life. But I must remember that to love others at the expense of loving myself is ultimately unloving for everyone. I know that love is the most powerful thing in the universe. To me, God is Love — the two words are 100% synonymous. By connecting with love, I am propelled into a state of peace and gratitude that’s free from suffering — a wonderful place where ILML! 

– JamieQ

“It is a design for living that works… But could it work on real life problems, not concerned with drinking? I had my doubts.” – Daily Reflections 
Since I’ve gotten sober, I’ve been through a few “real life problems”. I’ve become really, desperately broke, many times. I got married, and divorced, and married again, and almost divorced again. I had four kids in sobriety. I had an inoperable brain tumor, shoulder surgery, my appendix taken out, and was prescribed lots of drugs. I’ve been lied to, stolen from and cheated by others. I’ve had a million other problems. AA, Alanon, recovery friends, my sponsor, my higher power and the principles of the program pulled me through every time — as long as I stayed in the center of the life raft I was safe. When I stick with the program and keep myself spiritually fit, I can survive any problem, I come out even stronger, and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“It is a design for living that works… But could it work on real life problems, not concerned with drinking? I had my doubts.” – Daily Reflections 

“Practice having fun… let ourselves go a little.” – The Language of Letting Go 

A huge breakthrough in my ability to lighten the f$&# up and have some fun, was doing the 40 day love letter exercise suggested by Iyanla Vanzant in her book Until Today. By writing love letters to young Jamie boy, and eventually writing letters from him to big James, I welcomed my inner child back into my life. I remember forcing myself to skip down the beach, jump in the ocean, roll in the sand, and do it all over again. I knew people were watching, so I yelled out I love my life. I tried not to care. It was scary, ridiculous, yet fun. That was over 5 years ago and I’m still trying to have more fun, and be a little sillier, each day of my life. Because the more I enjoy living, the more ILML! 

– Jamie

“I have found that as your wisdom and maturity develop, the number of other people you blame for your own circumstances shrinks.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli

The reality is that nobody, especially me, likes to be blamed. And though it’s impossible to never blame anyone, it is possible to keep my mouth closed. Then I can practice getting the focus back on things that make me feel way better, like gratitude. Of course, I may need to set some healthy boundaries and practice detatching sooner, but blaming others with my mouth (either to them or gossiping about them to others) never leaves me feeling good inside. When I practice forgiveness, take responsibility for my behavior, calmly detach as necessary, and keep my mouth closed when I’m upset, feel like blaming, or want to gossip, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Thinking positive thoughts will eventually manifest into a positive life…” – Willwyn’s Creed

I absolutely, positively believe this to be true. I imagine a single bright yellow daisy planted in a pot at my kitchen window sill in full bloom. That flower is so tall, happy and pretty, reaching for the sun and stars. But the moment I start getting upset, unhappy, frustrated, anxious, fearful or overwhelmed, I’ve lost my connection to source, looking up, I notice that my beautiful flower has started to wilt and the petals are curling in. Luckily, all I need to in in order to bring it back to its full glory is to work my program. By using the AA (Atttude Adjustment) Tools I’ve so freely been given, I really can manifest a wonderful experience at any moment throughout my day, no matter what’s going on around me. And when I do that… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Life can be full of wonder and delight, provided I do not let my expectations override my acceptance.” Adapted from Daily Reflections

Lately I’ve been listening to videos upon awakening. I google “morning affirmations” and listen to different ones each day while doing yoga in my bed, and it feels amazing. The reason doing things like this, and meditating, exercising, doing service work, getting to meetings, fellowshipping, reading inspirational books, journaling, and writing gratitude lists is so important for me is because some part of my brain is always trying to get me to focus on the problems and difficulties in my life. I call that part of my brain “The Shit Magnet”. It wants to activate and accumulate everything that makes me feel shitty. By taking contrary, spiritual actions, I distract it, redirecting the flow of energy away from the shitty stuff and onto the good stuff. And when I’m able to do that… ILML! 

– Jamie Q