“Let me remember that the reason for making amends is to free my own mind of an uneasiness.” – Hope for Today

This reminds me that amends is, first and foremost, a selfish act designed to free me of the burdens of guilt, remorse and resentment. The success of my amends is not predicated upon the reaction or acceptance of the one I make amends to. Rather, all I need to do in order for my amends to be successful is to make the amends. The toughest amends for me are to those I resent. Usually I’m secretly hoping they will make amends after I make mine, a set-up for me to be even more resentful. And regarding timing, I’ve learned to make amends as soon as possible, and do it for that transgression only once (regardless of their reaction) rather than again and again, hoping they will forgive me or say they are sorry to me. When I make amends as prescribed in our program, I free myself from self-pity and resentment, and ILML! 

-JamieQ

“Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible… as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking… Luck then deserts… he is slightly injured… You would expect him… to cut it out… through the years this conduct continues… a fractured skull… (then) breaks his arm… (then) both legs… (then) his back. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn’t he? AA, p.37-38

Why is it that we humans have a tendency to repeatedly engage in behaviors that we know, from past experience, hurt us? We make excuses like “I was only going to have one drink”, “I was only going to eat a couple of chips”, or “I felt bad for them and I wanted to help them out… again.” Whether it’s drinking, using drugs, unhealthy eating, unhealthy relationships, or engaging in any other behaviors that hurt us, it’s time to stop it. Like the anti-drug commercials said, we need to “Just Say No! The same goes for our inconsistency in practicing healthy behaviors. With regard to exercising, meditation, reading inspirational books, connecting with source, eating well, being self-supporting and making a concerted effort to be a great person, it’s time to “Just Say Yes!” Yes I know it’s hard, but you can do it. Utilize the support from others who model a healthy lifestyle. It’s only when I stop engaging in destructive behaviors and rigorously practice the healthy ones, that ILML! 

– JamieQ

“My Higher Power is the confidence within me that makes me unafraid.” – As We Understood p.105

This quote was found at the bottom of Hope for Today, which also spoke of how the more afraid (uncomfortable, angry, etc) we are, the more we tend to try to control our environment and others around us in an attempt to get more comfortable. And of course, the more I try to control others, the more they rebel against trying to be controlled. The end result is prolonged suffering, for me and those around me. The answer is to get out of fear, into faith, and stop attempting to manage, direct and control others. One way I can do this is by taking deep breaths, imagining that I’m breathing in love, and breathing out fear. When I get out of the problem, and start living in the solution, ILML!

– JamieQ

“Fear… can only produce suffering… you just need to practice… love.” – The Mastery of Love

As with so many other suggestions, this one sounds pretty straightforward and logical, however, executing it in times of duress is not so effortless. Simple but not easy, as they say. The one thing that will always keep me in fear is being unconscious of it. Awareness is the only way for me to recover my happiness. Upon awareness that I’m in Dis-Ease, I then invite faith (aka love) in by simply saying:

“Ok, it’s time to let it go again. Everything will be great. You’re gonna be just fine, whatever happens. This will all work out. It’s exactly as it’s supposed to be. God’s got your back. Now it’s time to trust the process.” 

When I practice awareness of my dis-ease, and take contrary action to get back into a place of peace… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Go with the flow. Let go of fear and your need to control. Relinquish anxiety. Avoid the rapids when possible. Appreciate the beauty… Don’t think too hard about things.” – The Language of Letting Go 

You must admit, Melody Beattie really said some great stuff on that page. Each one of her suggestions are fantastic nuggets of advice, very similar to what we practice in our program. Going with the flow and surrendering control (acceptance). Letting go of fear (having faith). Eliminating anxiety (living in the moment), avoiding the rapids (detaching from toxic people and situations), appreciating beauty (focusing on gratitude).   Taken and practiced together, particularly in moments of stress and difficulties, they always guide me back into a place of peace and serenity, where ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Lord, make me a channel of your peace.” – “Prayer of St. Francis”

This is one of my favorite prayers (funny for a guy who considers himself non-religious). That’s because of how I define the words “Lord” and “channel”. To me, Lord means God, and God is simply the word Good that’s had its two Os squeezed together to create concentrated goodness.  My definition of channel, in the context of this prayer, is conduit, the electrical kind. In other words, as I speak the words of this prayer, what I’m really saying is “Let the concentrated goodness of the universe flow through me and into others.” By flowing through me I am electrified with concentrated goodness, that spark ignites everyone I come into contact with and… ILML! 

“… find delight in the little irritating habits or personality tics in the person you love…” – Attitudes of Gratitude in Love 

One of the best kept secrets of making relationships work and last, is to be able to practice M.J. Ryan’s suggestion. Essentially, it’s being smart and creative enough to reinterpret something which, initially is interpreted by us as “bad” behavior by another, into something we are actually grateful for.  Sound hard? You bet! Think it’s impossible? Think again, it’s not. Is that person slow to get ready for engagements, appointments or meetings? Awesome! They’re teaching us to have patience and to be less uptight. Or perhaps we need to set a healthy boundary?  If they are jealous, great! This teaches us integrity by honoring their fear and not putting ourselves into dicey situations with the opposite (or same, if we are gay) sex. If they are physically abusive, fantastic! It means we get to practice detaching and discovering why we’re  attractive to abusive people. There are lessons and opportunities I can learn in all of my relationships, and by changing my perspective, my perception shifts, suddenly I see how I can be grateful—instead of resentful—for what they are doing and ILML! 

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon

I usually include just a small quote, and then my experience, strength and hope. But this entire quote from John Lennon is very powerful for me. Fear is complete a waste of my time, unless there is an imminent threat to my life which requires immediate action. All other fear is anxiety. It’s a tool my dis-ease uses to sabotage my life and ruin my relationships. Fear is my enemy. The key is for me to recognize it when it crops up. And then to incinerate the fear. The one weapon that always destroys fear is love. When I insist on loving myself, loving others and loving all the beauty in the world around me, ILML! 

– JamieQ