“Look into any phase of my life and you will see joy and happiness, a sense of usefulness in the scheme of things, where formerly there was fear, sorrow and utter futility.” – ‘A Businessman’s Recovery’ from AA’s Big Book

When the steps, tools, principles and slogans of AA and AlAnon are diligently applied, no problem is too great to be lessened. No situation is hopeless. Think about that for a second. Those are what I call some epic promises. And the price we must pay? Consistency, diligence, and dedication to working our program every day. Of course, we need someone to show us the way, but that’s just another gift. We find someone to guide us, we take direction and practice it, the promises are fulfilled in our life, and then we show others how to do it. The byproduct of this is that we begin to develop self-esteem and love ourselves. Like the businessman in the Big Book, as a result of doing the deal,  I’ve had the perceptual shift from misery to happiness, and today… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“The only way to ease our fear and be truly happy is to acknowledge it and look at it’s source.” – Thitch Near Han
No one in the world escapes being afraid. Sometimes fear is good for me, in that it can motivate me to take action or change. But being worried about something that I have no control over is an exercise in misery. My magic mind, focused on the fear, imprisons me in an endless cycle of potential devastation, rendering me emotionally hungover for hours, days or even weeks. Instead, if I simply put pen to paper, articulate the fear, acknowledge that it’s only one potential outcome, write down the words “I WILL be ok even if that fear materializes”, and follow it up by composing a deep gratitude list, I am able to walk though (and then let go of) my fear. And when I’m fear-free, knowing for sure that I’ll be great no matter what, ILML! 

– JamesQ

“… I took another step to maturity as I continue to recover from my illness of not listening.” – Hope for Today

Today’s reading was spot on for me. It says that somehow I developed this idea that, since my opinions were inseparable from my self-image, I needed for them to be right – otherwise I was wrong, which meant I wasn’t good enough. And so intolerance of others’ views crept in, I developed a black and white way of thinking, and attempted to convince others that my way was THE WAY to think. I became great at debating people until they gave in or gave up. This defect was rooted in fear and insecurity. The reading reminds me that I can get healthier. I can listen, allow others to speak their opinions without needing to debate them, and if I’m really spiritually centered, even say “You may be right.” When I practice the program and do my best to play well with others, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It’s a mental attitude.It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we don’t have.” – 12 Step Prayer Book 

I have had great big moments of unhappiness in my life. I felt alone, unloved and misunderstood often as a child, abandoned as a teenager, devastated upon the death of my mother and later upon that of my little brother. But I have miraculously been able to feel a sense of appreciation from every event in my life, even the ones that initially triggered a feeling of sadness. Unhappiness is as intrinsic to being a human as is the feeling of joy. The gift of the program is that I have learned to reframe everything into gratitude, and as a result, my periods of suffering have become dramatically shortened, allowing me to feel better sooner. And for that ability I shall forever be grateful. ILML! 

– JamieQ

“When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help… Let It Begin With Me.” – AlAnon
I love this concept – it’s from a tent card we read at the end of one of my regular meetings. But it works best with another Alanon saying “Did they ask?” These reminders make it clear that, although I am always ready and willing to be of service, I am not obligated to, nor should I, provide help to others UNLESS and UNTIL they specifically ask for my help – EVEN if I think it’s really important for them to have my help or opinion. By refraining from helping when not asked and refraining from offering my unsolicited opinions and advice, I allow others the dignity to experience their own process, even if that includes a small burn from the stove. And when asked for advice, often the best answer is to simply ask them what they think is the best course of action. By giving this type of respect to others, my relationships blossom, I’m happier with my behavior, and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Most folks are as happy as they make their minds to be… The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

It’s sort of surprising that good old Abe wasn’t in a 12 step program, right? He understood that living one day at a time gives us the best hope for a great future. He also understood that our happiness is dependent upon our state of mind, which we actually have the power to change. We can invite happiness in at any time – even in those moments where things appear the bleakest. I have been so fortunate to be a part of a fellowship that has encouraged me to discover the art of being happy. And because I’m willing to practice each an every day, when I step up to the plate and swing the bat, I end up getting in some pretty good hits, which makes me smile, knowing that ILML! 

– JamieQ

“The AA program is a program of Uncovering, Discovering and Discarding.” – A New Pair of Glasses

This process of peeling the layers of ourselves to get back down to our heart, where love exists, is an ongoing adventure into discovering myself. The more I am open to seeing my part, and ceasing to think, say and do things that cause unhappiness, the better chance I have for living the greatest life possible. I want to be a great man, with all my heart. To do that requires bravery to look at myself and search for ways to evolve into a more loving person every day. When I’m determined to be courageous in the pursuit of rediscovering how I can be more wonderful, ILML!

– JamieQ

“To forgive means to refrain from… demanding satisfaction for an offense… to grant pardon without harboring resentment.” – A New Pair of Glasses

As long as I’m upset about the behavior of someone else, I have not forgiven them. The result is not so much that they will be punished, but rather that I will stay in misery until I am able to let go of my hurt feelings, and forgive them entirely, replacing my upsettedness with love. This is not always easy, it frequently takes a lot of work. But no great achievements in life can be accomplished without a determined effort of exertion. Today I will take an honest look at every person in my life and ask myself if there are any whom I have not forgiven. Then I will make a concerted effort to forgive each and everyone of them, filling my thoughts of them, and wishes for them, with pure unadultared love. When I do this, without any reservations, ILML! 

“… erratic emotions victimized us often… we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought.” – Daily Reflections

The medical profession defines Bipolar as a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy and activity levels. Well, I guess we are all bipolar to some extent. Escaping from erratic emotions is as impossible as never blaming others or ourselves for anything anymore. By nature we are emotional — sometimes mildly, other times extremely. Many doctors treat this with medication rather than meditation, which, in extreme cases where our behavior is destructive, irreversible, and/or a physical danger to ourselves and others, may be necessary. However, for people like me, a much better solution is consistently and diligently working a daily set of actions which promotes emotional and spiritual balance in my life. When the daily deal ceases to become option, but rather becomes a regular part of my daily living, my ups and downs are less extreme, last for shorter durations, and ILML! 

– JamieQ