“… the change taking place is good.” —The Language of Letting Go 

I really take time to enjoy those things that are comfortable, the ones that make me smile and feel happy, knowing they won’t always be there, that life will change. 

And those things that are scary and uncomfortable don’t feel so heavy anymore because, again, I know they won’t be there forever, life will change. 

I’m learning to understand, accept and actually embrace change because I know that my Higher Power has amazing lessons, experiences, growth, and fun awaiting me around the next corner. Life is unfolding exactly according to his plans and today I’m very cool with that. ILML!

— JamieQ 

“… we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constricted prisons…” —12&12 p.124

I don’t feel that you have to be an alcoholic, addict or even a friend or relative of one to be trapped in a prison of isolation – alone with your thoughts and feelings. I think you can be surrounded by family, friends and others and still be trapped in that prison. 

For me, the door out of my prison led me right into the rooms of our program. I sat down, listened, shared and finally felt safe. I was no longer isolated and alone.  I am lucky. We are all lucky. 

For some reason our contempt prior to investigation was overcome by our desire to be free from the prison we had created. Not everyone hits that emotional bottom, but I sure am grateful I did. I love the program and ILML! 

— JamieQ

“… by letting go of obsolete ideas, I have an opportunity to learn something wonderful about myself.” — Courage to Change 

I’ve been to thousands of meetings, fellowshipped with hundreds of others, read & spread wisdom from our texts and other spiritual literature for three decades, yet I still cling to some old ideas that don’t serve me. Why? Fear? I don’t know. 

Often I wish I could snap my fingers and every character defect and unkind attitude would disappear forever. Sadly, it hasn’t worked like that for me. 

But here’s what has worked: 

My attitudes, actions and outlook are supremely kinder and more loving than they were when I entered the program. Before I embraced the wisdom embodied in our principles, shown to me by many of you, I was trapped in a painful existence. Before I discovered and developed a relationship with a loving higher power, my sole purpose in life was to satisfy my instincts. Before I had a loving Sponsor and Sponsees who trusted me, I felt alone and lost. 

It really is progress not perfection. In fact, my imperfections make me human, allowing me to be more accepting of others’ imperfections. That opens the door for tolerance, patience, compassion and empathy. In turn, when I work my program, these replace fear, self-pity and resentment. And ultimately my reactions are kinder and more loving, which is the goal for me.

The program has been a complete game changer for me. When I set aside “know-it-all-ism”, my old ideas like getting as much as I can, getting ahead at any cost, and getting even slipped away, replaced by new ideas like trusting, surrendering, service, responsibility, spiritual awareness and forgiveness. The road to riches truly is paved with love, kindness and gratitude. In fact, those are the riches. ILML!

— JamieQ

“… my obsessive focus on my problems was preventing me from seeing the solutions.” — In God’s Care

Last night, during my AlAnon meeting, my sponsor shared about the past and the glass door. He said he shuts the door but looks back through it when he needs to remember what choices he wants to make today. I think problems are kind of like that. I look at the problem to see if I can apply a solution, I’m 100% willing to do the footwork and equally willing to turn it over and await for inspiration if the solution isn’t readily apparent. Relentlessly focusing on the problem, and discussing it with others, is old behavior. Today I can look through my glass door into the past to see that I don’t want to do that anymore. ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Every time I’ve done something that doesn’t feel right, it’s ended up not being right.” – Mario Cuomo (In God’s Care)

One thing I’ve heard often and payed attention to is “feelings aren’t facts”. For me, this means to be careful in my reactions based on feelings – specifically,  pause if I’m upset. But I also must remember “to thine own self be true”. For me, this means pay attention to my instincts. When it feels healthy and loving, go for it. When it doesn’t, pause and detach. The program has really helped guide me in making decisions that have increased my happiness and serenity. Just one gift I’ve received… ILML!  

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“HALT. Don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired… When I feel stressed, I’ll stop to check whether my basic needs are being met.” Hope For Today 

I’ve heard, spoken and used this acronym thousands of times since coming into our rooms. But it never gets old. Chances are pretty good that when I behave poorly, when I’m frustrated, or when I’m on the pity-pot, I haven’t been talking care of one of these things. 

Hunger is easy, I just eat. But eating healthy is important, because when I do, it leaves me with more energy and feeling self-esteem about the choice I made of what I put into my body. It shows me that I love my whole body more than I love just my tastebuds. And usually I can find a fair trade off if I’m not being lazy when I eat. 

Anger is a bit tougher. When it’s towards others I can always do a mini-4th step, listing who I’m angry at, what they did, why it made me angry, what feelings & fears it brings up, what’s my part, and most importantly for me, how I would like to behave if it happens again. That’s where the learning happens and I begin to evolve into the person I aspire to continue growing up to be. Then, if I see the need, and I haven’t done so already, I make amends (usually on the phone if I’m not near the person at that time). 

If the anger is towards me, it’s a bit trickier. Hiwever, I use the same mini-4th step and identify the person I’m angry at as me. In this case, I make amends by writing a letter to me and putting it in an envelope. I call this a love letter (see May 28th in Itanly Vanzant’s Until Today), and I start it out with a heartfelt apology to myself. 

Loneliness, for me, comes from expectations and isolation from others. When I expect relationships to go my way, or to last forever, I set myself up for feeling lonely. Life doesn’t last forever and neither does anything else. If I’m to expect anything about relationships with others it’s much more reasonable for me to expect them to, at some point, not go as expected and quite possible end. That way I can celebrate every moment I am in the relationship and those moments when it’s going well. In that way, even if it does come to an end, I can think lovingly on all the wonderful times I had, rather than dwelling on the difficult ones or the fact that it’s not here anymore. 

I’m very lucky to have the program. Because of it, when I find myself lonely  and isolating, all I need to do is get to a meeting. If I’m still lonely I just go to another one, making sure I show up early and talk with others. I also call people on my lifeline, others in the program, asking them how they are doing rather than talking about my problems. This takes me out of lonliness and my feelings of isolation, getting me back into the flow of life and people. 

Tired. Again I’m lucky. I usually get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night, with no need to wake up even to use the restroom. I can’t say that’s true for lots of my friends. Many struggle to get and stay asleep. Many take sleeping aids, some natural, some prescribed. Lack of sleep, in my opinion, is the number one cause of misery, depression and difficulties in the life of many. Because as a publisher I have periodic deadlines, I often get much less than 8 hours for days on end, so I am very familiar with the consequences of lack of sleep. The methods I use to help are (1) continuing to do my daily rituals, (2) cat naps, (3) meditation breaks in the day, and (4) lots of caffeine (I admit it). I don’t drink coffee because it’s makes me jittery so my caffeine vices are chai tea lattes at Starbucks, Harney & Sons Cinnamon Spice Tea with honey and cream, and Dove dark chocolate. I’m not recommending caffeine as a permanent (or even healthy temporary) solution to sleep deprivation, just sharing how I deal with having a ton of work to get through when I’m exhausted. The point is, with regard to lack of sleep, when we are living life tired, we cannot possibly be loving life to the full extent possible, so it’s important to resolve sleep issues in life to the point where we feel well rested each day. 

I might add here that I often put in one more item to watch for in our quest for the maximum enjoyment of life. You could say that I check my HALTS. And that last one stands for “sick”. If I am sick in any manner, it’s important that I pay attention to it. Whether it be a toothache I’ve been putting off dealing with, a cold I haven’t had time to rest for, or serious emotional issues I haven’t been working on closely to resolve with my sponsor or therapist. When I put off taking care of myself physically, I will continue to suffer. The remedy is getting into action to reduce the symptoms and restore balance to my life. And that’s what I strive for everyday. ILML! 

– JamieQ

“How many precious moments do we miss out on because we’re lost in our thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow.” – Adapted from In God’s Care

Life is fleeting. Occasionally I forget that this is a limited time offer, and I miss out on a smile, a laugh, a flower or the beautiful views on this tropical island.  Today I’ll pay special attention to all the wonderment that surrounds me, take it in, and celebrate the fact that I really am so very lucky to be alive. ILML! 

— JamieQ

“… quiet the mind; open the heart.” — Hope For Today

What a wonderful mantra. I read this today and tried repeating it silently with my eyes shut while breathing deeply. 

Quiet my mind, open my heart. Quiet my mind, open my heart. Quiet my mind, open my heart. 

It’s a nice break from the numerous thoughts and feelings which so often seem to dominate my brain. Finding and using these little gems during my Golden Hour are another reason why ILML! 

— JamieQ

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.” — William James

My moment of discovery was the day I found the secret room. It was located in the UCLA Medical Center on 15th Street in Santa Monica. A small candlelight room filled to capacity. I felt uncomfortable and out of place. Up until that time, I had been feeling  pretty lost and out of place, seeking a meaning and purpose to life. This program and the people in its rooms changed my attitude, gave me a purpose and helped me love myself and the world around me. I’m so lucky to have found that room, and to have all of you along with me on this ride in recovery. ILML! 

— JamieQ