“Prior to my coming into A.A., I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person among persons.” – Daily Reflections

What grade do they teach us how to have healthy relationships with others? How to fit in to the world about us and feel comfortable? When do they give us the course on how to handle life’s ups and downs and cope with the feelings that result? The answer is never. Not in grade school, middle school, high school or college. So how is it that people figure it out? Some, I guess, are lucky and just get it. Others, like me, turned to ganja, booze and drugs to cope. It was only in the rooms of AA and Alanon that I was finally taught how to love life on life’s terms, to have healthy relationships and finally feel comfortable in my own skin. If only everyone else knew how much our programs and the fellowship we share have to offer them, the whole world would be sharing in our gratitude. Indeed, we are so very lucky. ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… our troubles, we think, are basically… self-will run riot… selfishness.” – Daily Reflections

My daughter used to say to her siblings, “you’re shellfish,” with a pout on her face. At that time, my understanding of shellfishness was not wanting to share with others. But true UN-shellfishness is actively choosing to think, say and do things that are kind, compassionate, helpful, and loving, instead of hurtful. When I measure what I’m thinking, saying or doing against the ideals of my higher self (aka higher power), ILML! 

– JamieQ

“True learning happens outside the comfort zone…” – Attitudes of Gratitude in Love 

Sometimes things are easy, other times, not so much. But my experience is that whenever I’m able to shift my perception of events that feel difficult enough to see them as opportunities for me to discover and evolve, I’m able find gratitude in each and every experience. This art of shifting perception doesn’t come naturally, rather I’ve been honing it for years by doing the daily deal consistently. When situations don’t align with my expectations, and I’m still able to stay in my comfort zone, ILML! 

“… acceptance and gratitude turns what we have into more.” – The Language of Letting Go 

Sometimes it’s hard to have acceptance or gratitude. When we have difficulties with money, health, relationships, or life. When we feel hopeless or confused or angry or scared in a situation. But for those of us who seek to love our lives consistently, the answer is always (1) recognizing that things are as they are, (2) deciding to believe that everything will work out no matter what’s going on now, and (3)  refocusing our attention and energy on all that is good in our lives. By taking these three simple actions anytime I’m feeling uncomfortable, as often as necessary and with serious effort, without fail, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Treating myself with kindness and respect helps me to challenge my own self-criticism.” – Courage to Change 3/29

This is yesterday’s quote, the one read at Wednesday night’s Courage to Change meeting in Lahaina, Maui. I go there weekly when in town to be treat my emotional self with respect and kindness. But yesterday, while journaling, I realized that my physical health actually must come first. Since my tummy hurt I went to the doc, who sent my to the ER, where a surgeon removed my appendix, and I’m out today, back doing the Daily Deal to take care of my emotional and spiritual self. And the circle of loving me continues. I’m forever grateful to this program for showing me that when I put self-care first, ILML! 

“Care for the alcoholic, don’t carry them.” – Heard in the Rooms

As a sponsor, or as anyone who loves someone who is struggling with this disease, there’s always the tendency to go too far for that person, to do too much. Learning how to help them help themself versus doing for them what they can do for themself is not as easy as it may sound. Here’s a few ways I know I’m not making them over-dependent upon me:  When I give them a suggestion, they act on it. They return my calls consistently. They are actively wanting, and stepping up for, their recovery. But if, while I’m showing up for them I realize they aren’t showing up for themselves, it’s time for me to detach until they are really ready. When I’m of service to those who truly want to get better, and are willing to go to any length for health and happiness, ILML!  

– JamieQ

“Life is both priceless and unpredictable… I don’t want to waste a minute of it on self-pity, worry, guilt, resentment, anger, or any character defect that may stand in the way of becoming the kind of person I want to be.” – Hope for Today 

Often, when I say to others, or remind myself, that ‘we insist on being happy’, the answer I hear is something like ‘How can anyone be happy when ___’. And that’s a great question. Tragedies happen all the time, let alone simple expectations that go unmet. Financial, emotional, relationship, traffic, health and other problems confront us on a regular (usually daily) basis. But how great would it be if no matter what (death, sickness, financial ruin, car crash, etc) we could still be grateful, still be happy, still love life? Personally, I think it would be amazing. And that’s why I put so much energy into training my brain to stay in the Attitude of Gratitude no matter what. Does it always work? Of course not. But putting in a couple of hours each day using recovery and spiritual tools to shift my perception has resulted in a shift whereby, about 96.7% of the time ILML!

– JamieQ

“F.E.A.R. can stand for ‘Forgetting Everything’s All Right’.” – Heard from Noel at an AA meeting in Pacific Palisades
I had the opportunity to share at a meeting last night about the idea of faith versus God. I mentioned that for some of us the word “God” is a little bit too much to handle at the beginning of our recovery, so I generally encourage people instead to consider just having faith. When I explain what faith is to me, I say that it’s saying, hearing and believing the words “Everything’s gonna be OK.” On the other hand, when I’m in fear, I’m saying, hearing and believing “No it’s not.” It’s only when I actively choose to listen only to the words of faith, rather than fear, that ILML! 

– JamieQ

“The small child within each of us is profoundly in need of unconditional love.” – In God’s Care  

When I think of myself as a small child, maybe 3 or 4 years old, 8 or 9, 12 or 13, and I think about how much I yearned to be loved, accepted and cared for, I realize that at 55 years old, I still want and deserve the same thing. I have given that kind of love to all 4 of my kids, and still do. I love them beyond words, and would do anything for them to make them happy and feel loved. So why not add a 5th kid into my life, and do anything to make me happy and feel loved. That’s exactly what I’ve done by doing The Daily Deal everyday. I give a gift to myself that makes me feel loved, safe and grateful. The hour or two I devote to reading, journaling, praying, affirmations, meditating, sharing fellowship, stretching, exercise, eating healthily, and sending out a gratitude list & recovery text feed me with the love I’ve always craved for, and honestly, I believe that’s why ILML so much!

– JamieQ

“The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don’t want.” ― Iyanla Vanzant 

Sometimes it’s easy to let go, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes we hold on to things we think will help us, but they only hold us back. Sometimes we hold onto things we love so tightly, we crush them. Sometimes we are so worried about losing something that we fail to see there’s something much better trying to get our attention. And sometimes we’re just plain stubborn and selfish, we won’t let go. But Iyanla is right. In order to get a life beyond our wildest dreams we have to being to let go of the one that isn’t. People, places and things that no longer align themselves with our values or the kind of life we want to live. So just for today be brave. Let go of one thing you’ve been hanging onto that you know isn’t good for you. It could be  a relationship that is overdue to end, or some article of clothing taking up unnecessary space, or maybe even a resentment that you’re finally just too tired to have anymore. When I let go of that which no longer brings me joy, ILML! 

– JamieQ