“I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was…. powerful…” – Daily Reflections

When I came into AA it was because I had hit a bottom of pitiful and incomprehensible despair. I couldn’t figure things out on my own, and I was willing to try just about anything, even walking into a room with strangers. Years later I hit another bottom and walked into the rooms of AlAnon, and kept coming back. Both programs have opened my awareness to the fact that I hit emotional bottoms all the time. Today I have a very well equipped toolkit filled with program-principled solutions to help me recovery my serenity quickly. I’ve found that whenever I use the tools of both programs to solve my problems, ILML!  

– JamieQ

“… defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes…” – 12&12 p.80

There have been times in my life when my woes were caused by being sick, struggling financially, or my car breaking down. Problems such as these tend to resolve themselves in a relatively short period of time, and aftwards I forget the problem ever happened. This is not so with personal relationships. The hurt others cause me, along with the hurt I have caused them, tends to live in my memory for days, weeks, months or even years, causing resentment, anger, guilt, and self-pity. The good news is that I’ve discovered a set of actions whereby those hurtful memories subside, returning me to peace, even when I think of those people. By doing the daily deal, I’m no longer their prisoner. I let go of them, the memory of the hurt and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“…we will know peace.” – 12&12 p.84

Before I came into the program I was 7 years sober and definitively not in a place of peace. I was running the show by myself and it was never to my exact liking. I was constantly struggling, frustrated, disappointed and feeling like a victim. These days, I have placed the rudder into the hands of a power that wants only love and peace for me. Steered by the kind, compassionate and understanding hands of my higher power, I have been guided to a place that is more magical, more wonderful and more amazing than any I could have ever imagined. It is only when I take back the rudder that I once again cause myself to suffer. And so it is. When I surrender expectations and trying to control my life, I am at peace and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“If I’m still suffering in reaction to a specific behavior that has occurred … I need to stop hoping the behavior will cease and instead detach and start changing my attitudes, expectations, and responses… There is no need for me to suffer because of the behavior of others.” – Hope for Today
Learning to detach from the behavior of others has been one of the most difficult lessons in recovery for me. On occasion, I still struggle when, how and with whom to do it. If my side of the street is clean, if I’ve made my amends, and if their behavior still feels toxic to my heart, it’s not time to decide the future of the relationship. Instead, it’s time to grace the space, detach, and give that person, along with their behavior, to God, who’s much better at handling things and people that I’m powerless over. When I detach from toxic people and situations, and turn instead to my higher power, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who tresspass against us.” – 12 Step Prayerbook 

According to the New Testament (a religious book, for those who know I’m not religious), there was a guy named Jesus, who taught this idea to a bunch of people gathered around in a circle who listened to his experience, strength and hope (sound familiar?). Supposedly this guy, Jesus, was super spiritually connected to the source of love (like many in our program). And his message here was pretty clear: Because we would really like to be forgiven when we make mistakes and hurt others, we ought to try and forgive others who make mistakes and hurt us or those we love. The truth is, none of us is perfect, we all mess up. We all say and do things at times which aren’t cool and often times hurt others. So how about it? Let’s practice some forgiveness, the same way we would like others to practice it when we mess up. When I stop being upset and instead forgive others, I am released from the bondage of judgement, hurt and resentment, and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“If only I had…” – Hope for Today

Guilt, remorse and regret are feelings I used to grapple with on a daily basis. In order for each of them to exist I must assume that, at some point and time, I was wrong. This concept of ‘wrong’, and it’s counterpart ‘right’, helps support ideas like righteousness, control, failure and domination. When you think about it, there is very little love, kindness, compassion, understanding, empathy, or helpfulness in right and wrong. When I look at my experiences, and evaluate them kindly as opportunities to learn, grow and adjust, I have no regrets. When I look at others’ opinions, actions and beliefs as their unique preferences, I can let go of resentment and use my program to determine the level of involvement I wish to have with them in the future. When I let go of the past and live fully in this beautiful day, ILML! 

– JamesQ

“… transform these calamities into assets, sources of growth and comfort to ourselves and to those about us?” – 12&12 p. 113

It’s super easy for me to love my life when everything in my life is going well. Not quite as easy to do when something devastating happens. But let’s face it, regardless of how optimistic we look at things, some bad shit is bound to happen. By doing the daily deal I am so much more able to walk through my initial feelings of fear in order to find my way back to loving life. At first it may seem an impossible task, and for some it just may be, but my passion for living demands that I seek every opportunity I can avail myself of to find my way back to peace, love and happiness, regardless of what has happened, and how bad it may seem. I have found that as long as I’m willing to put one foot in front of the other, do the work, and continue walking along the path towards spiritual evolution, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself.” – George Herbert

Our program talks a little bit about forgiveness. The 12&12 quotes the St. Francis Prayer “that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness” and later “It is by forgiving that one is forgiven”. The Big Book says “We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend,” and to approach those we dislike in a helpful and forgiving spirit. And at the end of some meetings we say in the Lord’s Prayer “Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us.” But forgiving can be difficult. For me it comes down to not wanting to be connected to their toxicity anymore. So I forgive (not absolve), and give them to my HP. Because, it’s only when I let go of all my resentments that ILML!

– JamieQ

“What walls have I built to hide the person I am from others?” – Reaching for Personal Freedom
I’ve worked hard at tearing down the walls I had built up over so many years. After my wife filed for divorce, many years ago, I went on a surfing trip to Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo with my brother Robert where we worked the steps out of the 12 & 12 and Blueprint for Progress. I discovered that, the biggest reason we were getting divorced was that I had walled off my heart and became incapable of having any emotional intimacy with my wife. As such, I humbled myself, asking for her to give me a second chance to try and conquer my fear in order to open up my heart and create intimate. Tentatively, she agreed. Looking back now, after 20 years of marriage to the girl I love, it was the best decision I ever made. I’m grateful to the program, it’s literature, my brother, the willingness to do the work, and my wife’s forgiveness. ILML! 

– JamieQ