I Still Tell Lies

“Sooner or later, all of us realize that we have to draw our moral lines somewhere… Today I will draw the line at anything that blocks me from my Higher Power.” — In God’s Care

I grew up in the 60s and 70s, definitely a child of hippies. My dad was dropping acid, smoking pot, and bringing home iguanas and monkeys to live with us. Me and my 2 brothers rode Honda 50 minibikes around the neighborhood like banshees, and as young kids stayed out playing in the neighborhood ’til dark every day. We had a ton of freedom, everyone seemed to always be naked, but my folks tried to teach me the difference between right and wrong. I tried my best to listen and follow the golden rule, but there was a lot of “do what I say, not what I do” going on.

At 15 I myself became an alcoholic and addict, putting everything I could find to change how I felt into my body until I was 20. During that time I managed to lose any concept of morality that had existed. I was self centered to the extreme, angry, hurt, confused, rebellious, Godless, and diagnosed by a psychiatrist as a pathological liar (I couldn’t tell when I was lying).

The program was a roadmap back to morality. And that was just the beginning. Beyond the steps, sponsorship and approved literature, I sought out other means to become a better man and improve my spiritual connection on a daily basis. Practicing actual physical actions like writing this blog, doing yoga, making daily gratitude lists, doing affirmations, journaling regularly, reading approved and outside literature, and highlighting what resonated with me. These actions took my journey to the next level.

Today, the dream of being able to love the man I saw in the mirror is no longer just a dream, it’s my reality. Becoming a great father, a great husband, a great employer, a great brother, a great son, and a great man is one of the greatest joys I have experienced (and continue to experience) in my life. It brings me closer to source.

Of course, sobriety was the beginning of it all—without that, none of this would have been possible. But after my craving for drugs and booze disappeared, my craving for all the promises replaced it, and it’s pushed me far beyond sobriety and doing the Steps just once. These days, I work a strong recovery program, peeling off layers of defects, allowing my true, wonderful character qualities to shine brightly.

That said, I’m certainly not pure as snow with regard to morality. I still lie occasionally, which forces me to make amends. I still exaggerate and then need to correct myself. I still gossip, and catch myself, as it feels bad inside my gut. I get angry, yell, swear, and do things I’m not proud of. All that at 35 years sober.

Seriously? Oh yeah. And here is why. In my opinion, perfection in character and morality, in words and actions, in thoughts and opinions, is unachievable. Luckily, I’m in total acceptance about that. What I’m really after anyway is spiritual growth, the promise that, if I do the work, I’ll continually move towards becoming a better and better man each day. And by consistently working a dedicated and diligent program of spiritual action day after day, year after year, that’s exactly what’s been happening to me.

I am grateful to have found The Program and to work it to the best of my ability. It keeps me connected to source. I’m more of a contributor than a contaminator. And as long as I’m living in the solution, and doing my very best to work The Program, ILML!

— JamieQ

Soul Medicine

“… The consciousness of God’s love … brings wonderful relief from the cares and worries of our daily lives. Relief brings peace and peace brings contentment. Try to walk in God’s love.” – Twenty Four Hours A Day

I once heard someone say “be careful of what you’re thinking, your mind is listening.” That was a very important lesson for me. The more I think about the problem, or the fear, or a resentment, the more I tend to manifest what comes out of those thoughts. But like the quote from 24 Hours, when I think of God (love/gratitude) I am relived of stress, I calm down and I suddenly feel, once again, at peace. God consciousness is good medicine for my soul. ILML! – James

Plugging In

“… our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.”
– BB pg 183-4

This uncomplicated the concept of God for me. The program simply helped me tap into something that saved my life. Like others, I chose to believe that thing is my HP, and it’s always in me. I can unplug from my Lower Power energy, and plug into my Higher Power energy, at any time. It’s a lot easier to remember to do this when I’ve stayed connected to my program, but regardless, it’s always there. No one can take that plug away from me. Plugging in will re-energize me with peace, love, gratitude, kindness and emotional well-being. All I have to do is plug in, and just like that… ILML! – James

Desires or Peace

“Sometimes… we wonder if our desires will ever be fulfilled… But some things take time. Be patient. Relax and trust. Let go. Then, let go some more. Good things are planned for us. Relax and trust.” – The Language of Letting Go

Today I know that not all my desires will lead to happiness. Some, if fulfilled, would cause me pain. Having faith that the loving energy of life (my HP) brings to me only the ones that help me love my life, is a great comfort today. In the past I’ve push and struggled to get the others, only to suffer later when I got what I asked for. Today, I relax and search for peace more than the fulfillment of my desires. And when I approach life like this, I can’t help but be grateful. ‘Thank you God for what you have given me, thank you for what you have taken away, but mostly, thank you for what is here now.’ ILML – James

Inviting God

“When I invite God into my life through prayer, meditation and conversation, I open myself up to infinite possibilities.” – Hope for Today of 37

Most mornings, during my Golden Hour I journal, writing what’s up, identifying things I would like to work on, achievements I’m proud of, amends that need making and gratitude. This morning I found myself running late, and while writing noticing some fear its affect on how I feel. Then I wrote the following:

“I invite more God. More love. More faith. More gratitude. Less fear. I will repeat the words ‘Everything is great! It will continue to be great. It’s going to be fine. You’re great. I got your back James – I’m God & I love you – trust me.’

Thank you God for all you do for me – I love you.’

I choose to breathe, eat, live, sleep, dream and believe these words. They shall be my mantra for today.

My discomfort did not suddenly disappear. However, it subsided a little. I can now breathe a little better. I have begun to think that things actually may be ok today. If I keep these words at the top of my consciousness, I believe I can get back to really loving my life very soon. Right now, honestly, I’m about 70% of where I like to be on the life loving scale, but I know it will keep getting better, because regardless of how I may feel moment to moment, I really do LML! – James

God’s Phone Number

From Until Today! “What is the number you use to call God? Is it 411? Or 911? Many of us are 911 callers. We don’t call in for information… When you call God at 411 you are less likely to need to call God at 911”

I am guilty of tuning in during times of need and once feeling secure again, putting God on the shelf. This past Sunday I asked my beautiful girlfriend to marry me. We are to be married November of next year and now more than ever I need to stay focused on my program rather than my fiancé. Because without a daily reprieve, I don’t have this incredible life that I truly love iLmL – Richie