“Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible… as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking… Luck then deserts… he is slightly injured… You would expect him… to cut it out… through the years this conduct continues… a fractured skull… (then) breaks his arm… (then) both legs… (then) his back. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn’t he? AA, p.37-38

Why is it that we humans have a tendency to repeatedly engage in behaviors that we know, from past experience, hurt us? We make excuses like “I was only going to have one drink”, “I was only going to eat a couple of chips”, or “I felt bad for them and I wanted to help them out… again.” Whether it’s drinking, using drugs, unhealthy eating, unhealthy relationships, or engaging in any other behaviors that hurt us, it’s time to stop it. Like the anti-drug commercials said, we need to “Just Say No! The same goes for our inconsistency in practicing healthy behaviors. With regard to exercising, meditation, reading inspirational books, connecting with source, eating well, being self-supporting and making a concerted effort to be a great person, it’s time to “Just Say Yes!” Yes I know it’s hard, but you can do it. Utilize the support from others who model a healthy lifestyle. It’s only when I stop engaging in destructive behaviors and rigorously practice the healthy ones, that ILML! 

– JamieQ

“My Higher Power is the confidence within me that makes me unafraid.” – As We Understood p.105

This quote was found at the bottom of Hope for Today, which also spoke of how the more afraid (uncomfortable, angry, etc) we are, the more we tend to try to control our environment and others around us in an attempt to get more comfortable. And of course, the more I try to control others, the more they rebel against trying to be controlled. The end result is prolonged suffering, for me and those around me. The answer is to get out of fear, into faith, and stop attempting to manage, direct and control others. One way I can do this is by taking deep breaths, imagining that I’m breathing in love, and breathing out fear. When I get out of the problem, and start living in the solution, ILML!

– JamieQ

“Fear… can only produce suffering… you just need to practice… love.” – The Mastery of Love

As with so many other suggestions, this one sounds pretty straightforward and logical, however, executing it in times of duress is not so effortless. Simple but not easy, as they say. The one thing that will always keep me in fear is being unconscious of it. Awareness is the only way for me to recover my happiness. Upon awareness that I’m in Dis-Ease, I then invite faith (aka love) in by simply saying:

“Ok, it’s time to let it go again. Everything will be great. You’re gonna be just fine, whatever happens. This will all work out. It’s exactly as it’s supposed to be. God’s got your back. Now it’s time to trust the process.” 

When I practice awareness of my dis-ease, and take contrary action to get back into a place of peace… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Go with the flow. Let go of fear and your need to control. Relinquish anxiety. Avoid the rapids when possible. Appreciate the beauty… Don’t think too hard about things.” – The Language of Letting Go 

You must admit, Melody Beattie really said some great stuff on that page. Each one of her suggestions are fantastic nuggets of advice, very similar to what we practice in our program. Going with the flow and surrendering control (acceptance). Letting go of fear (having faith). Eliminating anxiety (living in the moment), avoiding the rapids (detaching from toxic people and situations), appreciating beauty (focusing on gratitude).   Taken and practiced together, particularly in moments of stress and difficulties, they always guide me back into a place of peace and serenity, where ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Lord, make me a channel of your peace.” – “Prayer of St. Francis”

This is one of my favorite prayers (funny for a guy who considers himself non-religious). That’s because of how I define the words “Lord” and “channel”. To me, Lord means God, and God is simply the word Good that’s had its two Os squeezed together to create concentrated goodness.  My definition of channel, in the context of this prayer, is conduit, the electrical kind. In other words, as I speak the words of this prayer, what I’m really saying is “Let the concentrated goodness of the universe flow through me and into others.” By flowing through me I am electrified with concentrated goodness, that spark ignites everyone I come into contact with and… ILML! 

“… find delight in the little irritating habits or personality tics in the person you love…” – Attitudes of Gratitude in Love 

One of the best kept secrets of making relationships work and last, is to be able to practice M.J. Ryan’s suggestion. Essentially, it’s being smart and creative enough to reinterpret something which, initially is interpreted by us as “bad” behavior by another, into something we are actually grateful for.  Sound hard? You bet! Think it’s impossible? Think again, it’s not. Is that person slow to get ready for engagements, appointments or meetings? Awesome! They’re teaching us to have patience and to be less uptight. Or perhaps we need to set a healthy boundary?  If they are jealous, great! This teaches us integrity by honoring their fear and not putting ourselves into dicey situations with the opposite (or same, if we are gay) sex. If they are physically abusive, fantastic! It means we get to practice detaching and discovering why we’re  attractive to abusive people. There are lessons and opportunities I can learn in all of my relationships, and by changing my perspective, my perception shifts, suddenly I see how I can be grateful—instead of resentful—for what they are doing and ILML! 

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon

I usually include just a small quote, and then my experience, strength and hope. But this entire quote from John Lennon is very powerful for me. Fear is complete a waste of my time, unless there is an imminent threat to my life which requires immediate action. All other fear is anxiety. It’s a tool my dis-ease uses to sabotage my life and ruin my relationships. Fear is my enemy. The key is for me to recognize it when it crops up. And then to incinerate the fear. The one weapon that always destroys fear is love. When I insist on loving myself, loving others and loving all the beauty in the world around me, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“We are so occupied with this mental chatter…” – In God’s World
The chattering chimp in my mind is one of the first voices I hear upon awakening and it’s so loud. “Hello? Hello? Check your phone! Check your emails! Check your texts! OK, now let’s review the urgent things, especially the ones we’re worried about!” Luckily for me, the program has shined a light on the chattering chimp and brought awareness to me. It’s also given me some great tools like breathing, meditation, yoga, exercise, reading spiritual literature, journaling, connecting to a higher power, affirmations, meetings, fellowship, and service work, which all help to quiet the chimp. Suggestions like getting enough rest, eating well, pausing when agitated, and running things by others in the program first also help me stay out of anxiety and in serenity. Of course the chattering chimp is still there – he never goes away forever. But these days he’s not nearly as vocal, loud or persistant. By staying aware of what my brain is saying to me, training it to remain calm through my rituals, and insisting on being happy, I can keep the chattering chimp under control, and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“I fought conformity… but I learned from the pain… I opened myself up to God’s grace and love” – DailyReflections 

Conformity. Authority. Compliance. Obedience. Abidance. Submission. Acquiescence, Willingness. Acceptance. These are words, ideas and concepts that were so abhorrent to me and that I fought tooth and nail against while growing up. “No one is going to tell me what to do or how to act.” That was my motto. I thought I knew it all at 12 years old, and continued to think that way for more than a decade after. In fact, if I’m perfectly honest, some part of me still rebels against authority and the willingness to conform to other’s suggestions (especially with my wife – lol). However, because of the program, another (bigger) part is now open to suggestions (thank God) from those who have what I want. It’s really because of newfound willingness, and then trying, embracing and incorporating those great suggestions, that ILML! 

– James

“Going it alone… is dangerous.” – As Bill Sees It

One of my favorite people, and a sponsee of mine, started putting a needle into his arm again. It’s heartbreaking. But our program always offers hope. With the consistent support, fellowship, and love from others in AA and AlAnon, we all have a chance at a great life, even after a relapse. By attending regular meetings, really digging in and doing the daily deal, and making it the number one most important thing in my life – even more important than my family, kids, work or money — I’ve been given a life beyond my wildest dream. Even so, no one, including me, is immune to relapse. My friend gets these messages, so I’ll say to him and everyone, however bad you may feel right now, this too shall pass if you get back into the solution, get to meetings, and work the program. You are loved and abundance really is right around the corner.  When I step up for myself, and make my program my number one priority, anything and everything wonderful is possible, and… ILML! 

– JamieQ