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An Easier, Softer Way

“I instinctively want to fix problems, and they don’t have to be mine. In fact, most of the time they’re not… doing for others what they need to do for themselves… enabled them to be irresponsible… robs others of the self-esteem that comes from struggling with and conquering the challenges…” Hope For Today

I can’t speak for women, but as a man, and a sponsor of many other men, I can tell you that this desire to “fix” runs very deep for many of us. It’s actually been one of the biggest problems in my relationship with others. Instead of listening and having empathy (or at least compassion), I offer solutions. Today I realize that, unless I’m asked for help, usually others just want me to listen and love. When I do this, instead of trying to offer my unsolicited opinion and advice, my relationships go a whole lot smoother. Grateful for all these wonderful tools. ILML! – James

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Lead Me Today

“Higher Power, I do not know where the path I am on will lead me today, but I do know that Your guidance is necessary. Let me seek to remain in unity with You and with the program. Teach me this day to be tolerant and patient with others in the program. Help me to understand that my well-being is dependent on the program’s well-being.” Grateful be on set and ILML. – Rami

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No More Stagnation

“Recovery is not a stagnant process. We are either moving ahead, stuck and immobilized or backsliding. Each of us experiences each of these states in our recovery to a different extent. The important thing is that we see when we are getting into trouble and then do something about it. We need to put the program into action to stay on the right path. We need to walk in humility and be willing to ask for help along the way. Recovery is a program of action, and I need to be willing to take the steps necessary to stay on track. I need to be willing to go to any length to achieve and maintain sobriety.” DM 1health. Living in gratitude and ILML. – Rami

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Squandering our Time

BB pg.66 “To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile.”

This sentence is in reference to resentments, but I can apply its message to many areas of my character… Judgment, righteousness, anger, fear, etc. Today I want to live a happy, loving, and effective life full of purpose. Written inventory is the beginning of the process whose payoff is a right-sized way of life. iLmL – Richie

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Our False Self

“In early recovery, I continued to have this inferiority complex. I would sit in meetings and plan out what I was going to say when it was my turn to speak. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was doing. This defect in my character was actually getting in the way of my recovery. It fed my dishonesty, and it built a wall between my Higher Power and me. It was keeping me from benefiting from the program. It is hard to swallow our pride and admit that we don’t know what we are doing. It is hard to get honest and admit it is all a show. ” – Daily Meditations from OneHealth.

Grateful for being sober and ILML.

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Rule 62

“I am no longer a victim, full of self-pity and bent on control of every aspect of my life. Today I can take myself and my circumstances more lightly. I can even allow joy and laughter to be a part of a difficult experiences. – Courage to Change

Change and transitions can often be uncomfortable and scary for me.but today I trust that my HP will open doors for me that will provide experiences beyond my wildest dreams. As I surrender disappointment from unmet expectations, gratitude flows in, and suddenly… ILML!

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Respond in Love

“Do you react, or do you respond?… The first implies an immediate answer; the second connotes thoughtful consideration before replying.” – You Can’t Make Me Angry p.69

When I react I’m often defensive, justifying my position, disrespectful, and thinking in terms of black & white / right & wrong. But if I win, they feel hurt, and angry, so really, I still lose. The solution, as always, is gracing the space between the impulse and my reaction by breathing in deeply, connecting to my HP, then responding with love. In this way there are no losers, no one is wrong, and we both win! ILML – James

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Receive the Rewards

“…the more I’m willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. Fun and benefits are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results.” – DtR p109

I have to remember to just take the next correct indicated action and trust that my HP will provide me with what I need. Today I will do my best to not worry about the future or the past and simply take the necessary actions to stay out of self. Ilml! – Jason

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Live in the Program

“Live in the program, not in the problem.” – You Can’t Make Me Angry p.107

For the last week my wife and I have been dealing with a family problem. We have been eating, drinking, and breathing it. Blaming each other too. The problem pulled us apart, and I love her so much. Finally, in desperation, we turned to my sponsor, who shared his experience, strength & hope with us, using the program to get us back on the same team. The Lesson? No matter how hopeless a situation may feel, by using the tools of the program (Spiritual Readings, Journaling, Gratitude Lists, Meetings, Service, Sponsorship, Prayer & Meditation), we can make it better. Now, again, I can really LML.

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Emotional Independence

“Emotional independence means deciding to have a good day no matter how others are feeling, no longer punishing others for past behavior or pouting, and not staying upset simply because the person we love is upset.”
– Adapted from You Can’t Make Me Angry p112-113

Wow, this is really tough for me and shines a light on my codependent habits. I’ve always wanted those I love to be happy, and often futilely try to “fix their feelings”. Whether I actually have a part in their hurt or anger, my attachment to their feelings should end with my amends. Afterwards I need only work my program to the best of my ability, in an attempt to be happy, joyous and free in each and every one of the remaining minutes, hours, days or years that I am blessed to be alive. Today I’ll care but not carry around their unhappiness. Instead I’ll focus on goodness, love and abundance so I can LML as much as possible! Have an epic day!