“… patience, tolerance, kindliness and love…” AA Big Book

Great concepts to live by, but what about when I’m so patient & tolerant that I feel like a doormat? I’ve come to understand that this only happens when I’ve failed to identify my boundaries and taken appropriate action to detach when they are crossed. I practice these principles with others, but not if doing so is unkind & unloving towards me. Being tolerant, compassionate & helpful while concurrently taking care of myself is a like performing a graceful balancing act, but I’m getting better at it every day. ILML! 

— JamieQ

“It’s our ego that fights giving up control…” — In God’s Care

Whenever I’m disturbed, some dark part of me invites and encourages me to focus on the upsetting truth for a long time. The truth is… they hurt me…. I’m not feeling good… it’s not fair. But the real truth is that I don’t want to focus on the problem, I want to be in the solution. 

Today, I’ll give myself one minute – 60 seconds –  to focus on any uncomfortable thought, feeling or situation that may come up. After that, I’ll refocus my attention on the solution. And if there’s no apparent solution, I’ll hand it off to God. 

Employing simple life loving strategies like this is one more reason why ILML!

— JamieQ

“… start doing things that make us feel good.” — The Language of Letting Go

Regardless of how much there is to do and how much work I have, life is a bummer if I don’t do things I enjoy. My list of fun things are playing the guitar, getting to meetings, skateboarding, laughing with my wife, having fun with my kids, surfing, running, hiking, going to the beach, taking a bath, and reading spy novels. Of course I take care of my work and responsibilities, but these days I don’t let even one day go by without making sure I do some fun things. Making time to have fun each day is one of the reasons why ILML. Hit me up and tell me a few things you love to do? 

— JamieQ

“We are fortunate to have found in our program an answer to the malaise that afflicts so many people. In its simplest form, it’s called love; in its purest form, God.” — In God’s Care

I am far from a religionist, but I sure do love having a consistent spiritual connection with a Higher Power of my Un-Understanding. I was encouraged in the program to choose my concept of God, and my choice was Love. My God is love along with all the goodness, kindness, gratitude, sweetness, wonder, helpfulness, empathy and joy in the world. I want to channel all those things every day, and although at times I slip away from them, I always come back home to love. On my way to LA today and ILML!  

— JamieQ

“When I project serenity, courage, and wisdom, they come back to me like that metal to a magnet.” – Hope For Today 

This reminds me that I can manifest anything I desire provided I take the action to project it. If I want a life filled with love, I simple show love to others.  If I want a life without resentment, I simple forgive everyone. If I want a life without drama and chaos, I simply project peace and calmness outwardly. I am not a victim. I get to choose and create what kind of life I desire, and that’s a great thing for me to remember. ILML! 

— JamieQ

“Our old negative ways of handling things… not only harm us… others as well… they cut us off from God… When I am down, I need to take an inventory of my attitude” — In God’s Care

i don’t like having a bad attitude, it’s not fun for me or those around me. I always know when it’s bad – I either feel bad or others comment that in either not being very nice or don’t seem happy. When I’m sick and tired of having a bad attitude I get into action. 

Here’s how I do my written attitude inventory:
(1)  I write down how my attitude’s been and how I would like it to be. 

(2) I identify who and what I’m angry or disappointed about, recognizing that this is affecting my attitude. 

(3) I write down my part, and how I can improve & behave differently in the future.

(4)  I make a gratitude list, reminding myself that there is way more to be grateful for than upset about. 

(5) I practice detaching from toxic thoughts, situations and people, so I can stay in the attitude of gratitude and just love life! 

It works when I work it! First day beck in Maui today and ILML! 

— JamieQ

“In daily life… it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratitude that makes us happy.” – David Steindl-Rast

For me, the simple exercise to express gratitude has been, by far, the easiest way of being and staying happy. 

Writing my gratitude list down sets the tone for a grateful day. Texting my wife things about her which I’m grateful for, invites love into my marriage. Texting my friends that I’m grateful for them makes them feel good while reminding me how lucky I am to have good friends. Thanking my employees for doing a great job strengthens their commitment to our company and reminds me that I’m fortune to have them on my team. Letting my kids know how much I love them puts my focus on my gratitude for them, overpowering any feelings of frustration I may be having. 

Gratitude is an amazing tool, and the more I use it, the more ILML!

— JamieQ 

“… people are never perfect… ” – Tom Robbins, Attitudes of Gratitude in Love 

I wasted much of my life trying to find the perfect person, in romance, business and friendship. My focus was on getting people (places and things) to change so I could be happy. In program I learned that the only way to create lasting happiness was to do the work to better myself and help others. 

But sometimes those I love do things that hurt me. I’ve learned that rather than engaging or asking them to stop, I simply help them understand what’s uncomfortable to me. I do that by (1) letting them know what behavior is uncomfortable, (2) explaining that they can continue but I will quickly detach from them when that behavior happens, and then (3) consistently, quickly and temporarily detach (as kindly as possible) when they behave in that way. This shows them that I am honoring myself and encourages them to honor me too if they would like to be in my company. It works when I work it, and lately, I’ve been working it. As a result, ILML!

— JamieQ

“I will pray to let go of my own rigidity…” — Courage to Change 

To me, righteousness, know-it-all-ism, and wanting things to go my way, are all interchangeable ideas. When I’m too rigid in my attitudes and expectations, things tend to break-down in my life. Like a little kid yelling “It’s my way or the highway!“, I push against the world rather than going with the flow. Damaging my relationships with others, I miss out on opportunities, creating unnecessary work and stress. On the other hand, when I let things unfold without trying to control and manage every detail, I’m often pleasantly surprised and life goes a lot smoother. Today I’ll relax, get out of the drivers seat and just LML!

— JamieQ