“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon

I usually include just a small quote, and then my experience, strength and hope. But this entire quote from John Lennon is very powerful for me. Fear is complete a waste of my time, unless there is an imminent threat to my life which requires immediate action. All other fear is anxiety. It’s a tool my dis-ease uses to sabotage my life and ruin my relationships. Fear is my enemy. The key is for me to recognize it when it crops up. And then to incinerate the fear. The one weapon that always destroys fear is love. When I insist on loving myself, loving others and loving all the beauty in the world around me, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“We are so occupied with this mental chatter…” – In God’s World
The chattering chimp in my mind is one of the first voices I hear upon awakening and it’s so loud. “Hello? Hello? Check your phone! Check your emails! Check your texts! OK, now let’s review the urgent things, especially the ones we’re worried about!” Luckily for me, the program has shined a light on the chattering chimp and brought awareness to me. It’s also given me some great tools like breathing, meditation, yoga, exercise, reading spiritual literature, journaling, connecting to a higher power, affirmations, meetings, fellowship, and service work, which all help to quiet the chimp. Suggestions like getting enough rest, eating well, pausing when agitated, and running things by others in the program first also help me stay out of anxiety and in serenity. Of course the chattering chimp is still there – he never goes away forever. But these days he’s not nearly as vocal, loud or persistant. By staying aware of what my brain is saying to me, training it to remain calm through my rituals, and insisting on being happy, I can keep the chattering chimp under control, and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“I fought conformity… but I learned from the pain… I opened myself up to God’s grace and love” – DailyReflections 

Conformity. Authority. Compliance. Obedience. Abidance. Submission. Acquiescence, Willingness. Acceptance. These are words, ideas and concepts that were so abhorrent to me and that I fought tooth and nail against while growing up. “No one is going to tell me what to do or how to act.” That was my motto. I thought I knew it all at 12 years old, and continued to think that way for more than a decade after. In fact, if I’m perfectly honest, some part of me still rebels against authority and the willingness to conform to other’s suggestions (especially with my wife – lol). However, because of the program, another (bigger) part is now open to suggestions (thank God) from those who have what I want. It’s really because of newfound willingness, and then trying, embracing and incorporating those great suggestions, that ILML! 

– James

“Going it alone… is dangerous.” – As Bill Sees It

One of my favorite people, and a sponsee of mine, started putting a needle into his arm again. It’s heartbreaking. But our program always offers hope. With the consistent support, fellowship, and love from others in AA and AlAnon, we all have a chance at a great life, even after a relapse. By attending regular meetings, really digging in and doing the daily deal, and making it the number one most important thing in my life – even more important than my family, kids, work or money — I’ve been given a life beyond my wildest dream. Even so, no one, including me, is immune to relapse. My friend gets these messages, so I’ll say to him and everyone, however bad you may feel right now, this too shall pass if you get back into the solution, get to meetings, and work the program. You are loved and abundance really is right around the corner.  When I step up for myself, and make my program my number one priority, anything and everything wonderful is possible, and… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“I am… a victim of my expectations… When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt.” – Daily Reflections

Oftentimes I find myself hoping that someone else will live up to their full potential and be the person I want and know they can be, only to find myself disappointed, again and again. This usually happens when I’m so emotionally involved that I fail to see reality, which is that they’re simply not there yet. All the hoping, wishing, praying, encouraging, pouting and threatening won’t get them there either — instead it just sets me up for frustration, disappointment and anger. The good news is that, with the help of the program and others in it, I’m learning to assess situations more clearly and detach as needed. As our program says “lack of power is my dilemma”. So instead of hoping, expecting and waiting for them to change so both of us can be happier, by simply accepting them for who they are, and focusing on taking care of myself, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“My recovery is a matter of balance.” – Hope for Today 

For an all-or-nothing multi-tasking people-pleasing driven type of person like me, that’s been a pretty big challenge. When I think of balance, even that can seem overwhelming. I start thinking “Ok, I’ll balance working with paying bills, being there for my wife and kids, being of service to my sponsees, working my program, doing my affirmations, my prayers, my yoga, journaling, reading from inspirational books, getting the car washed, working out, getting the laundry done, playing guitar, eating healthy, sleeping, taking care of my clients, meditating, getting into nature, cleaning the house, organizing, fixing some broken things, making some improvements, putting out fires, and sleeping. I’m sure I left out about 20 things, at least, lol. When my brain takes me there I simply say to myself “Breathe James, just breathe.” And then a smile creeps onto my face as I realize there really are no big deals, except to just enjoy this moment. The great thing is that when I stop and work the principles of the program on my own magic mind, it calms me down long enough for me to remember that ILML! 

– JamieQ

“It is well, when one is judging… to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality.” – Arnold Bennett, In God’s Care

This quote cracked me up. If there’s one thing that’s true, it’s that we all know how everyone else should act, what they should do, and what they should not be doing. Did you notice that I used the word “should” three times in that sentence? Have you ever heard the saying “Don’t should on me!”? The truth is, not a day goes by where I don’t take someone else’s inventory. Drivers in traffic, friends, family members, co-workers, people in meetings. I have a very keen eye for noticing what others are doing wrong. And as long as that’s my focus, I can’t be happy or at peace. These days I try to keep the focus on me — specifically on the great stuff in my life, and sharing it with others. Because as long as I’m focusing on things that make me feel grateful, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“…although I have no control over other people, I can change the way I react to them.”- Adapted from Courage to Change 

Choosing and using a reasonable response when I dislike or am hurt by another’s actions, words or behavior is one of the most important ways for me to achieve emotional sobriety and happiness. I am extremely sensitive. EXTREMELY! I have a history of not pausing when agitated, not being able to restrain my words or control my actions in response to feeling upset by another. And gracing the space between the impulse and the action has not come easily for me. But by consistently working a daily set of specifically outlined actions designed to increase my connection to the program and my higher power, I’ve managed, little by little, to become better at the art of responding rather than reacting. And when I’m able to do that, rather than jumping into another person’s anger, fears or frustrations, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“When we become devoted to loving ourselves and using that love as the standard by which we interact with others, all the riches of life will fall into our laps.” – Until Today 

Now, this is one of the truest secrets of all. We seek desperately to be liked, appreciated and loved by others, yet true abundance comes from learning to deeply love ourselves and our life, then “bringing it” into every relationship and situation we encounter in life. But I must remember that to love others at the expense of loving myself is ultimately unloving for everyone. I know that love is the most powerful thing in the universe. To me, God is Love — the two words are 100% synonymous. By connecting with love, I am propelled into a state of peace and gratitude that’s free from suffering — a wonderful place where ILML! 

– JamieQ

“It is a design for living that works… But could it work on real life problems, not concerned with drinking? I had my doubts.” – Daily Reflections 
Since I’ve gotten sober, I’ve been through a few “real life problems”. I’ve become really, desperately broke, many times. I got married, and divorced, and married again, and almost divorced again. I had four kids in sobriety. I had an inoperable brain tumor, shoulder surgery, my appendix taken out, and was prescribed lots of drugs. I’ve been lied to, stolen from and cheated by others. I’ve had a million other problems. AA, Alanon, recovery friends, my sponsor, my higher power and the principles of the program pulled me through every time — as long as I stayed in the center of the life raft I was safe. When I stick with the program and keep myself spiritually fit, I can survive any problem, I come out even stronger, and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“It is a design for living that works… But could it work on real life problems, not concerned with drinking? I had my doubts.” – Daily Reflections