love

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A Small Patch of Lack

“I’m grateful I see the big picture today… I’m giving myself a chance to really succeed… I don’t focus on what is lacking. There is no growth in that… I love my life!” – Aaron
Above is an excerpt from Aaron’s gratitude list today. His words painted a story in my mind about the danger of focusing on lack. Here it is: 
There once was a farmer. He was happy with a beautiful family. His crops were growing well, his harvests were very abundant. Yet there was this one area where nothing would grow. He thought perhaps that some salt or pesticides had made it sterile. So he dug up the ground and brought over rich organic soil. No luck. Over the following days he tried everything to fix that patch . The days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into years. The friends that used to come over to celebrate his abundant crops stopped dropping by, as his focus was all about that one small barren area of land. He tunnel vision of the problem prevented him from attending to the rest of his farm and finances. His other crops died. His wife couldn’t take it anymore. She left and took the kids. Eventually the bank came and took the farm. He had lost everything yet he still couldn’t stop thinking about that tiny piece of ungrowable land. He died broke, miserable and consumed with his lack. 
The moral of the story is that not only is there no growth in focusing on what is lacking in our life, but by focusing on what’s wrong we risk losing everything else that’s right and good in our life. I’m a very lucky person. The program has taught me to do everything necessary to stay in the Attitude of Gratitude, because when I do, ILML! 

– JamieQ

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Asking for God-Guidance

“The love you imagine and desire will become yours only through a constancy of effort.” – Daphne Rose Kingma
A close friend of mine has been recently struggling with love. I’m talking about the kind of “being in love” love. And he’s not alone. I’ve heard over and over again from people who are not sure when to “let their love guard down”, when to say “I love you”, and when to allow themselves to fall in love. Oftentimes it’s hard to know if this is the “right” person for us, especially when we are looking for someone to marry and spend the rest of our lives with. Sometimes we’re too picky, sometimes not enough. The program can help. Recognizing we’re powerless over being “sure” and over what the other person does is the first step. Asking for God-Guidance, doing lots of journaling about it, confiding in a trusted, experienced person who has what we want, working on our relationship shortcomings and continually trying to amend our behavior is exactly how I use the program in my marriage. And it works! After 20 years, I’m still madly in love with my girl. Have we had problems, you bet! But by using the tools of the program we have made it so far. As for tomorrow… I’m responsible for the footwork, the results are in God’s hands. But one thing is for sure. When I surrender the illusion of control with my marriage, my wife and everything else… ILML! 

– JamieQ

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It Works if You Work It

“Today, I will strive to let go of those wants and needs that are causing me frustration. I will enter them on my goal list, then … I will trust God.” — The Language of Letting Go 

I would add to this that it’s my responsibility to do the footwork – or take the action required – to manifest my desires. Makings lists and wishful thinking is not enough. I take to heart those words at the end of each meeting after the prayer, holding hands, with my fellow members “It works if you work it.” This adage applies to every facet of my life. Gratefully, today I’m not only willing to do what’s necessary to achieve my goals, but I also invest the time each and every day. As a result I have a tremendous amount of success and … ILML! 

– JamieQ

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Always Cracks Me Up

“Because if your smile, you make life more beautiful.” – Thitch Nhat Hanh
Many of us struggle to laugh or even smile, for the simple reason that we can’t help but focus on the struggles and problems in our life. I have had problems before too. Kids in peril. An inoperable brain tumor. Financial ruin. Unbelievable levels of pain. Divorce. My little brother’s death. Being beaten up. People, places and things frequently not conforming to my expectations and desires. In spite of all these things, I smile, dance, sing and laugh everyday. How? Because I’ve decided that my life is just too short to waste it on being unhappy, regardless of what’s happening around me (or inside of me). So I start each day by turning on some music before getting into the shower, singing & dancing in front of the mirror—which always cracks me up—and then I yell out… ILML! 

– JamieQ

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A Wonderful Byproduct

“Do you think that God would say, “You have made the world much better.” – 12 Step Prayer Book 

I spent the majority of my life not knowing what my purpose was. Initially I thought it was to graduate college, make money, have a nice home, nice car, nice things, get married, and have some kids. Don’t get me wrong, these things are nice, but none of them gave me a feeling that I’ve found my true purpose. Even getting sober and helping others in AA and AlAnon didn’t do it. It wasn’t until I started diligently working an intensive program of recovery and began really loving myself that I began to understand the true nature of my purpose. By taking consistent action to love myself, others and the world around me, and encouraging others to experience it for themselves, I finally found my purpose. I believe that the action of both working and sharing a program of action to love life, makes the world a little better, one person at a time. The older I get, the more I know that my purpose is to continue spreading the life loving message as much as possible. And a wonderful byproduct of all this worthwhile effort is that ILML! 

– JamieQ

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Plugged into Source

“We can decide to let God participate in our life.” – In God’s Care 

When I first came into the 12 step rooms, I didn’t really believe in God, certainly not in a religious one. So in step 3, when it says “…turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him”, I had no idea how to do that. For years I struggled accepting the idea that there was a “God”. I wanted to believe, but the intellectual side of me knew better. How can one who wants to have a higher power believe in God if they are sure there isn’t one? Years later I finally figured it out: I just pretend. Some call this faking it until you make it. So I wrote down a list of what I would like my higher power to be like, if it were real. Then I committed to talking to this “pretend” God in the morning and at night. I chose to fully believe in, and turn my life and will over to, my pretend God. Sound silly? Well it felt silly. But today, my imaginary friend, my pretend God, is a giant part of my life, and honestly, I could care less if people judge me for having a God of my understanding, because it works for me. I am grateful that my loving God, which today is very real to me, has my back and reminds me that my purpose is to stay sober and be of maximum useful service to others. I talk to God all the time now, because when I’m plugged into source, and my will is aligned with God’s, ILML!

– JamieQ

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The Dis-Ease Vanishes

“…we are a problem people who have found a way up and out, and wish to share our knowledge of that way with all who can use it.” – 12&12 p.125

It’s been said that problems are really opportunities that are yet to be revealed. When I’m in my disease, I live in the problem, rehashing it over, and over, and over again. I have zero serenity. But when I’m spiritual fit and emotionally healthy, I’m able to shift my perception and behavior into gratitude and abundance, where solutions come easily. And even if when solution is elusive, I’m able to simply let go and let God handle the situation. So when I’m tired of the problem and ready to be happy all I have to do is put my problem in it’s true perspective, work my program, and trust God. The moment I stop hoping the problem will magically go away and instead start actually doing the work, The Dis-Ease vanishes and poof… ILML! 

– JamieQ

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I LOVE MY LIFE!!!

“In a study done at the University of California–Davis, subjects got more benefits from writing in a daily gratitude journal than those who wrote only weekly.” – Attitudes of Gratitude in Love 
Consistency in healthy habits that nourish my emotional health are the only way I can consistently love my life. And for me, loving life is what it’s all about. Just like most people, there are moments where I’m not shouting out “I Love my Life!” or feeling very happy at all. But I remember when I never, and then rarely, and then just sometimes loved my life. These days, as a direct result of consistently journaling, writing gratitude lists, going to meetings, fellowshipping with others, praying, meditating, doing yoga, exercising, eating healthy, studying inspirational books, working my steps, being self-supporting, keeping my commitments, aspiring to be a great man, and sending out recovery messages like this, a day has not gone by in many, many years where I don’t both feel and shout out… I LOVE MY LIFE!!!

JamieQ

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True Win-Win Experiences

“All of us need to change for the better. We are the gardeners, the ones who help the flowers grow. Goodwill is not enough; we need to learn the art of making others happy.” – FEAR by Thich Nhat Hanh

If someone were to ask me, “Of all the things I do, what investment of time brings me the most and longest-lasting happiness?”, the answer would surely be bringing happiness to others. I’m not saying it’s better for me to help others than to help myself. I mean that when I can help another person to find happiness and fulfillment in their life, whether it’s a family member, friend, client, stranger or someone in the program, the act of helping them find it brings it to me as well. By working, studying, and applying to tools and secrets of the program in my life, I’m able to pass them (and my experience in using them) on to others. Occasionally this helps them invite more abundance into their lives. These are true win-win experiences, and each time they happen… ILML! 

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Cleaning My Street Up

“Let me remember that the reason for making amends is to free my own mind of an uneasiness.” – Hope for Today

This reminds me that amends is, first and foremost, a selfish act designed to free me of the burdens of guilt, remorse and resentment. The success of my amends is not predicated upon the reaction or acceptance of the one I make amends to. Rather, all I need to do in order for my amends to be successful is to make the amends. The toughest amends for me are to those I resent. Usually I’m secretly hoping they will make amends after I make mine, a set-up for me to be even more resentful. And regarding timing, I’ve learned to make amends as soon as possible, and do it for that transgression only once (regardless of their reaction) rather than again and again, hoping they will forgive me or say they are sorry to me. When I make amends as prescribed in our program, I free myself from self-pity and resentment, and ILML! 

-JamieQ