“I no longer do things for others that they can do for themselves.”- Adapted from Courage to Change 

When helping someone else deprives them of the opportunity to learn, grow and experience that wonderful feeling of accomplishment, I’m not really helping, I’m hurting. I’ve learned that acting in this way, with my kids and other people, makes them dependent upon me, and ultimately we’ll both end up resenting each other. Instead, in situations where it’s evident that they should learn to take responsibility for themselves, no matter how much I want to come to their rescue, I allow them the dignity to step up for themselves – even if they’re pleading with me to help. When I have the strength to restrain myself from helping others in areas where they can help themselves, I give them the gift of self-esteem and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Before the coming of faith I had lived as an alien in a cosmos that too often seemed both hostile and cruel. In it there could be no inner security for me.” – As Bill Sees It

Hearing those words reminds me of how I felt from very early on as a boy and then teenager. It was as if I were completely lost in a scary place by myself. Almost everyone else seemed to be fine. Those I found that felt like me also turned to drugs and alcohol to escape the pain of feeling like an alien, frightened and trapped with no way out. Coming to meetings helped. For the first time I was with others that felt like me but didn’t use and drink. But it wasn’t until I finally surrendered my righteous disbelief of God and made a decision to have a friendship with a higher power of my understanding that I finally felt at peace. No longer do I feel like a fearful alien in a hostile world. Now I feel safe, comfortable, peaceful and ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Trade your expectations for appreciation and the world changes instantly.” – Tony Robbins

In this day and age when political tensions run high and so many of us wish that we could change things, I like to remember that I can change the world (as Tony says) instantly, by simply letting go of my expectations of people, places and things and instead diving deep into the warm, wonderful world of gratitude. There are literally hundreds of things I can be grateful for at any given time. By shifting my thoughts to them, and even taking it one step further by sharing those things I’m grateful for with others, I am magically transformed into a world of wonder and beauty, and suddenly ILML!

– JamieQ

“Some of us become too comfortable living with our familiar, unhealthy behaviors… our tendency to control… to let others control us… shutting down our emotions… yielding to them too easily… obsessing about our fears, or living in denial.” – Reaching for Personal Freedom 

Truth be told, I think most people aren’t even aware of most of their unhealthy behaviors. Before really working the program, I sure wasn’t. In order for this discovery to occur, we must first get into the habit of taking a regular inventory. This allows us to spot consistent patterns of thoughts and behaviors which take us away from serenity. When I put my pen to paper, I gain awareness, I begin to surrender the thoughts and behaviors which no longer serve me, I open the door for positive ones to flow through me, I start to feel really good again and then… ILML! 

“Sometimes… we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness.” – The Language of Letting Go 

Addicts become obsessed with getting what they need to feel better. Alcohol, drugs, food, sex, money, recognition, validation, etc. We often believe that we can be happy if only… or that everything will be fine when… But deep inside we know it’s not true. Why? Because we’ve been there before. We said it before. And we got what we wanted before. And the happiness was fleeting at best. But I’ve found something that makes me happy right this moment. And it’s the kind of long-lived happiness I’ve always desired. And it’s not dependent on any person behaving a certain way, me getting something I’m waiting for, or any situation turning out the way I’d like it to be. By simply having, and working, a daily rigorous program of action made up of simply tasks that focus me on gratitude, love and kindness, I can be happy immediately, no matter what. Simply put, when I make it a priority to do the daily deal, ILML!  

– JamieQ

“… intelligence… is not a particularly reliable tool for recovery…” Daily Reflections

By searching google for definitions of intelligence and recovery we get the following: “the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills in order to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” That sounds great, but for me, intelligence is not enough. What helps is having the knowledge and acceptance that I can’t get there alone. This humility allows me to walk this path with others who want the same type of peace I long for. It also helps me find, connect to, and channel a higher power that I like to call Love. And when I add willingness, consistency and being of service to the mix, I get to live in the solution, be happy, joyous and free (no matter what) and… ILML!  

– JamieQ

“Avoid loud and aggressive person; they are vexations to the spirit.” 12 Step Prayerbook (Desiderata)

My dad is one of the most loving men I know. Growing up he read and told me stories at bedtime. Tucked me in. Stroked my hair. Told me he loved me and how wonderful I was. He took me on hikes, to the batting cages, to visit animal recovery homes. Today he tells me often how proud he is of me. But when I was young my father drank sometimes. And when he did, his voice would get loud and scary, and he would be aggressive. Thank God he eventually got sober. In fact, he was my Recovery Eskimo. These days he speaks softly and kindly, and I practice doing the same. We both try to avoid loud, aggressive people. By living in the solution, consistently trying to become a better man, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… how I judge others is most likely the way I judge myself. So when I see myself being critical of others, it’s a reminder that I have some spiritual work to do.” – Recovery Text by Jason Williams 

My sponsor makes a clear distinction between judgement and discernment. To me, judgement is kind of like internal gossiping. It’s basically my thoughts putting someone else down, which just puts me in a state of negativity. Discernment, on the other hand, is my mind’s attempt to determine, based on another’s behavior, what action is best for me to take. For example, if their words seem mean, I can ask myself: Am I being defensive? Should I just hear them out? Is this a pattern that typically escalates? Should I detach and step away? Instead of judging others, by using their behavior as a practical guide to help me discern the best actions I can take in my relationship with them, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… we are enriched by what we give, not by what we have… today I look for a chance to give to someone in need because this is how I grow spiritually wealthy.” – In God’s World

Whether it’s a family member, friend, someone in recovery or a stranger, giving of myself without any though of repayment, pays dividends of happiness way beyond the amount of time I spend. Likewise, giving time to take care of myself spiritually, emotionally and physically enables me to give to others in a way that would otherwise be impossible if I am spiritually, emotionally or physically unbalanced. That’s why I spend time each day to do the daily deal. I feel better and am able to be there for others in a way that enriches me, allowing me to mean it when I say “ILML!”

– JamieQ