love

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Rigorous Self-Care

“We often equate the need to be acknowledged or acceptanced by others with being loved. What’s really beneath this is a cry for self-love.” – Adapted from Iyanla Vanzant

Many of my recovery texts site the fact that I read from inspirational books each day as part of my rituals. One of the great benefits of doing this is that I’m constantly learning how to interpret my feelings in a way that makes me happy. The quote above reminds me that when I’m feeling unloved, unacknowledged, or unaccepted by others, what’s really going on is that I haven’t been loving myself enough. When I practice rigorous self-care – physically, emotionally and spiritually – I am in a state of love and serenity that cannot be taken from me by the actions or inactions of others. I’m in a place of peace that allows me to see what’s they are doing as something which reflects upon them, not me. I am no longer dependent upon them to give me what I have already given to myself. When I take the time to fully practice self-care and love myself each day, ILML!

– JamieQ 

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A Giant Toolkit

“Obsessing can be a deadly habit. If we’re thinking too much, we can’t enjoy what’s going on around us… Self-absorption is the enemy of serenity. Peace of mind comes from trusting God.” – In God’s Care

A good friend of mine was obsessing to the extent that he was unable to fall asleep last night. I know that feeling well. When there is no solution in my power evident to the problem, I’m left with two choices: Stay in the problem or turn it over to God. The first is painful but the second is often not so easy. Luckily I have a giant toolkit bursting at the seam with solutions to help me turn it over. I can reach out to others. Pray. Meditate. Exercise. Help newcomers. Read inspirational books. Share what I find with others. Write a gratitude list. Journal out my thoughts and read them to my sponsor. Go to a meeting. Those are just a few. However I get there, the moment I’m able to turn an unsolvable problem over to my higher power, is the moment that, once again, ILML! 

– JamieQ

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Emotional Hangovers

“keep the focus on myself… live this program… walking the walk, demonstrating recovery in my life.” – Courage to Change 

Unfortunately it doesn’t take much for me to go from staying in gratitude, taking care of myself, to feeling uncomfortable and focusing on what others should (or shouldn’t) be doing. You would think, at 55 years old, I would have learned better by now. But I’ve discovered that there will always be a part of me, I call it my “Dis-Ease”, that encourages me to engage in thinking and actions which take me out of my comfort zone, where I’m no longer at ease. Emotional hangovers are the direct result of thinking or acting out at the suggestion of my DisEase. My best defense against falling into the trap of focusing on others is reading inspirational literature, sharing gratitude with others, journaling out my thoughts, and connecting with source. The more consistently I do this, the more ILML!

– JamieQ

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A New Meaning

“Before I did the steps thoroughly I was in a world cut off from character-building and spiritual growth… After doing the daily deal… my life has taken on a new meaning… the aim of my life is spiritual growth. I love my life!” – Recovery Text from Mike in AA

That about sums it up right there. What was the purpose of my life before I started really immersing myself in recovery and working a solid program on a daily basis? It was about getting those things that I thought would make me happy. I drank booze, smoked, snorted, and ate drugs before I got sober. After that stopped working I threw myself into work to make money, got married and had a baby. While I experienced lots of joy, the long lasting inner peace and happiness I sought was still illusive. I finally found it at 20 years sober by having, and working, a clear system of recovery and spiritual growth. When I do the daily deal ILML! 

– JamieQ

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The Daily Deal

“She couldn’t understand what was wrong with those who were mean to her… she pretended what they said was an arrow that sailed right by as she stepped out of the way… What others say or think is part of them and their lives, not ours.” – Today’s Gift

It’s not so easy to let mean words from others sail past me, particularly when they come from the mouths of those closest to me. Yes, I understand that their words (in theory) reflect more upon them, but let’s face it, us alcoholics and ALAnon’s are pretty sensitive. My ability to deflect unkind or judgmental statements is directly correlated to my spiritual and emotionally health. When I plug in and do the daily deal (the things mentioned in my blog), ILML! 

– JamieQ

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That Tiny Piece of Me

“When we have the door to faith open and, though self-will may slam it shut again (as it frequently does) it will always respond the moment we again pick up the key of willingness.” – Adapted from 12&12 p.34

The 12 steps often speak of “Self-will run riot”. I have, up until exactly 122 days ago tried to run my life as I saw fit. I can say that the one thing that I have learned in the preceding days since my surrender is that I haven’t got a fucking clue how to do it. I can sit and point fingers all day and say that the reason that I was failing and being miserable in the process was because my teachers picked on me or my parents were terrible etc etc but the truth is really as simple as this: I turned my back on my higher power.

I decided at some point that I didn’t need any kind of spirituality in my life. I can’t pinpoint that exact moment but what I can say is that it led me down a road filled with uncertainty, unhappiness and fear.
How does a man without faith deal with fear? He tries to escape by whatever means necessary. He drinks. He drugs. He eats. He fucks. He fights. He hates his past. He cowers from the future. He ignores the present. He lives in a perpetual state of denial.

Then one day, when he is ready, God will be there for him. Waiting patiently. All that he has to do is find a tiny little piece of him that is willing to peek and see what it is like when you live in faith and not fear.

I am grateful beyond belief that I was given the direction and opportunity to peek behind the door and see for myself. I am also grateful for the slogan “Progress not perfection”. I know that self-will can never be fully eradicated and that I may have to go through pain or suffering to allow me to see that I have closed the door.

But, provided that I can find that tiny little piece of me that is willing to try then it can almost be guaranteed that I will once again Love My Life. 

– Adam

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Throw Up Your Hands

“Sooner or later, everyone arrives at a point where life seems to have become too big to cope with… we have to get life back in focus… we have lost our perspective…” – Acceptance: The way to serenity and peace of mind

Things are actually going great in my life right now. Of course, the Boogie Man is always hiding in the closet and waiting to scare me, but my life is truly blessed and I’m living in the solution. But it’s not always been like that. Life throws us some curveballs once in awhile. I’ve been through the death of loved ones, divorce, financial ruin, and life threatening illness. Each time I got through it the same way: I surrendered. I threw up my hands, said “Enough, I cannot do this anymore. It is too painful. Please help me.” I stopped trying to fix it. I made amends and forgave. When I’m sick and tired of the pain I cease fighting anyone and anything,  I waive the white flag and really give it to God, I join the winning side. Then, and only then, will ILML! 

– JamieQ

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Enjoy the Experience

” I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift… find something positive hidden within a difficult situation… When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.” – Courage to Change 

Rather than share my experience strength and hope on this excerpt, I’ll share Michael A. Singer’s from The Untethered Soul. John F sent this to me, and it’s fits so perfectly, I couldn’t resist. “In the end, enjoying life’s experiences is the only rational thing to do. You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Go ahead, take a look at reality. You’re floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you have to be here, at least be happy and enjoy the experience. You’re going to die anyway. Things are going to happen anyway. Why shouldn’t you be happy? You gain nothing by being bothered by life’s events. It doesn’t change the world; you just suffer. There’s always going to be something that can bother you, if you let it.” Because I make a conscious decision each day to not let things things bother me, ILML!

– JamieQ

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Thank-You-Ness

“Awareness is the first step toward positive change and growth… toward solving the problem…” The Language of Letting Go 

Usually when I’m struggling with something, going over and over and over again about it, my head is spinning in a useless cycle that doesn’t go anywhere. And finding any type of resolution when I’m in that state of mind is impossible. So what do I do when I become aware of this destructive cycle? I put the pen to paper. I’ve discovered that talking about it to myself – and even others sometimes – is far less effective at quieting my mind, finding solutions, and getting back to a peaceful place – then journaling out what’s on my mind. Journaling provides clarity, something my mind often can’t do by itself. It also takes the emotion down a few notches and helps me to remember that the most important thing is not this situation or problem or feeling, but getting myself back into gratitude. Because when I’m in a place of thank-you-ness, ILML! 

– JamieQ

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Feeling Crappy Isn’t Fun

“… we no longer need to behave in ways that conflict with our best interests and values… This program has given us the tools to become the people we’d like to be.” – In God’s Care

I’m a life lover today, but it hasn’t always been like that. In the past, usually when I most needed it, I did not go to a meeting or journal or open up my spiritual backpack or pray or meditate or exercise. I did not get enough sleep, ate poorly, inappropriately expressed anger, and remained in fear for extended periods of time. Why? Because I hadn’t practiced my life loving rituals enough to have formed a habit. And so, I paid the price of unhappiness. These days I’ve learned to be consistent and do the daily deal in order to become a man that I can be proud of. This repetition came from my determination to no longer live in pain – feeling crappy isn’t fun. Today I rarely behave in ways that complicate my life. And when I do, I make living amends quickly. By performing esteemable acts of kindness, ILML! 

– JamieQ