“I was a self-willed, head-strong, self-centered, Mr. know It All. The list goes on. I developed these personality traits growing up in an alcoholic family. They bolstered my self-image and covered my fears and confusion about all the insanity, violence, and anger I experienced [growing up].” – Reaching for Personal Freedom 

Wow! If that’s not insightful into why I am the way I am, I’m not sure what is! I always knew I liked to be right and know it all, that I liked being in control and was determined to do things my way, but I didn’t really understand why I was like that. Now I know: it gave me a sense of safety trying to control my environment and pretending to know everything in order to keep me (and everyone else) safe. But guess what? I don’t and I can’t!

Again it came down to recognizing, accepting & embracing my powerlessness. In doing so I could also finally realize that I still retained the most important and influential power: that to choose how to think, feel and behave. But I discovered that I needed help to do those things consistently with grace, love, kindness and in peace. The help came from the people in the rooms, the program, the literature, doing the work and my Higher Power, who I found in the program and in all of you.

What a journey! So lucky to have found this path to inner truth, happiness and serenity. When I live in solution and stay in the center of this luxurious life raft… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“A solid sense of brotherhood and sisterhood gives us strength when we feel fear or despair and helps sustain our power of love.” — FEAR – Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm

In 1982 I finally quit drinking and drugging. Having been to some AA and Al-Anon meetings, I was determined to never join the cult. I found some of the people to be phony, others to be preachy, and still others to be just plain sick. At that time in my life I had a job, car, a place to live, and a girlfriend. And I was sober. So I thought, “I’ll be great now!” Little did I realize that I gave up the one thing that made me feel ok – drugs and alcohol.

So I white knuckled it – for 7 years. By the time I came into the rooms, I felt more alone and desperate than almost any other time in my life. I was finally ready to put principles before personalities; to suspend my contempt prior to investigation; to open my mind to the possibility that something greater than me was out there. And thus began the start of a journey that gave to me a life beyond my wildest dreams. My aloneness disappeared because I was embraced by all of you—my brothers and sisters in fellowship—loved and accepted in a way that was almost overwhelming.

To each and every one of you who has touched, and continues to touch my life with your love, thank you from the bottom of my heart… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“My love for you is deeper than the ocean…” — 12 Step Prayer Book 
If you were to imagine that there really is a God, wouldn’t it be cool if you imagined that your personal Higher Power felt this way towards you? Of course I know some of the higher powers out there are “Group of Drunks”, “Good Orderly Direction”, nature, pets, the universe, energy, the Tree of Life, etc. And that’s totally cool. Mine used to be some of those (it’s always evolving).

But there’s something that really works for me imagining a higher power that’s not amorphous (without shape). I can then imagine that God has infinite love for me (as I have for my kids). And epic guidance to help me make kind, loving decisions that are best for me and others. 

I imagine that I can place anything that’s just too much for me into my Higher power’s hands and God says “Thank you for trusting me with this and letting it go. I got it. Everything will turn out great, you’ll see.” (That gift alone is worth believing in God). And I’m 100% cool imagining all this, because when I let myself believe in a God of my understanding, with all my heart, contrary to any and all evidence that would refute God’s existence, real or imagined, my life is infinitely better, I am way happier and … ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… I was drawn to groups that stick to the traditions. At those meetings I felt an extra measure of safety and solidity.” – Hope for Today 

For most of us, the traditions are an afterthought to the program, kind of boring but… whatever. I’ve learned that our program wouldn’t exist without them, and when I apply them in my outside life, things work way better there too. So here’s my recap of the traditions, in my own words. As they say, take what you like and leave the rest…

Tradition 1 says that we have unity, but also individual liberty. However, in matters of disagreement, the welfare of the group always comes first. 

Tradition 2 says that old timers (like me) are NOT in charge, it’ll always be a group conscious. This supports tradition 1, common welfare first. 

Tradition 3 says no one can ever kick you out of AA or Al-Anon, though you can be voted out of a group if, due to your behavior, it’s in the common welfare for you to go. 

Tradition 4 says no other AA group or organization can ever dictate to, or control another group or meeting. It also suggests we don’t take ourselves too seriously. 

Tradition 5 reminds us that, above all else, our primary purpose is to carry the message to those still suffering. 

Tradition 6 reminds us that using our experience, strength, hope and sobriety outside of AA and Al-Anon in conjunction with earning a living is fine.  But using our affiliation with AA or Al-Anon as a means to promote ourselves or a business is not cool at all. In fact, it damages our program. 

Tradition 7 says that we should contribute to the success of our recovery and the program by throwing down a couple bucks. It’s a very small investment, particularly for guy’s like me that spent 50 times that amount each day on my bad habits. 

Tradition 8 is kind of like 6 in that if we mix money making opportunities with the AA and Al-Anon, we will stop being able to save people, like us, from a lifetime of suffering. 

Tradition 9 says the people we’ve elected to be in service are not in charge, WE are actually in charge of THEM, and if they think it’s the other way around, we will simply have them step down. 

Tradition 10 says we stay out of controversy by not commenting on outside issues like politics and religion. A pretty smart and simple idea no matter where I go. 

Tradition 11 says that we are irrepressible promotors, but must stop doing that if we want to help others. Instead let’s work a rock solid program, have all the promises come true, and then smile as others are attracted to our way of life. 

Tradition 12 reminds us that lots of people in the program will bug us but we need to practice acceptance and tolerance, and take what we like and leave the rest if we want to remain in recovery and have a better life. We also need to keep what we hear and see in the rooms confidential. That builds integrity within us and helps others feel safe. 

When I use the principles behind the traditions to guide my thoughts, words and actions… ILML! 

“… a loving Higher Power is always present.” – In God’s Care

Really? Evidence points to fact. Proof asserts a fact irrefutably. Scientists use the term “empirical proof” or “empirical evidence”. And there is absolutely no empirical evidence to support the existence of God. About half of the founders of AA doubted the existence of God (see We Agnostics). So why believe in something that absolutely can’t be proven? 

Because the benefits of belief in God actually have been proven. That’s why billions—yes, with a B—believe in a God of their understanding. I’ve also discovered, from personal experience, that the deeper my belief, trust, and reliance upon my higher power is, the more emotional, spiritual and physical benefits I receive. The healthier I feel. The happier I am. The easier life is. The better my relationships are with others. Which means that I’m actually living proof that this belief in a higher power thing actually works. 

The simple truth is that when I work diligently to maintain my spiritual connection by consistently using the tools of the program… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“Your power is so strong that whatever you believe comes true.” – The Mastery of Love  

If you had made that statement to me 20 or 30 years ago, I would have responded with a list of reasons why it’s patently false. That’s because I misunderstood what I believe the author is talking about. 

I think what he means is that if I believe I’m a failure, and keep saying it, I will be a failure. If I believe I’m a success, and keep saying it, I will be a success. If I believe I’m unhappy and life sucks, and keep saying it, I will be miserable and see life through those lenses. And if I believe I love my life, and keep saying it, I will love my life. 

Nothing happens for me instantly, but through repetition, consistency, and dedication to my words, thoughts and actions, I am growing into the person I want to believe I am – a great man. And most importantly, throughout that process… ILML!! 

– JamieQ

“… awareness is often followed by a period af acceptance before we can take action.” – Courage to Change 

In the past, when someone said something to me, or someone failed to live up to a promise, or something happened that didn’t meet up with my expectations, I reacted—immediately. Words would fly out of my mouth, and I’d often take actions that would make an uncomfortable situation much worse. Even today, when I’m off my game, I’ve been known to react without pausing and gracing the space. But the program teaches me that there’s a much healthier choice when my expectations don’t materialize: to keep my mouth shut, to take some time to get into acceptance, and then respond to the situation in a way I’ll be proud of later. The less reactive I am, the less wreckage I create, and the more… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“… running conversations in my head with people who are not with me, or going over and over some possibility or fear… I was entirely ready to have God remove this.” — Reaching for Personal Freedom, Step Six

Stinking thinking makes me crazy and miserable. It’s a defect I can certainly live without. To better understand steps six and seven, I read and studied the books Drop the Rock and You Can’t Make Me Angry. The newfound knowledge helped me learn how to become aware of, and discard, those attitudes and behaviors that no longer serve me, saving me (and others) from unnecessary pain and suffering.

I’m certainly not perfect, and have by no means eradicated all my defects, but as long as I continue to keep an open mind, and do the daily spiritual and recovery work necessary to grow, abundance keeps flowing in and… ILML! 

– JamieQ

“You will become happy, respected, and useful once more.” — 24 Hours a Day

Before sobriety I wasn’t really happy. I wasn’t all that useful. And I definitely wasn’t respected. Truth was, I was a 20 year old selfish punk. I was also lost in the world, trying to find myself the only way I knew how, through drugs and alcohol. Instead, all I accomplished was to temporarily get away from the feeling of being lost, but eventually even that stopped working. 

Giving up the mind altering stuff helped, but I still felt alone until I embraced the principles of our program. But I it was the people in the rooms that held my hand and showed me the way back home, to a place where once again I could find peace, contentment and even happiness without needing to drink or get high. And I found a useful purpose too, to guide others down the path and away from misery, which gave me both self-respect and the respect of others. 

The gift that AA, Al-Anon, and the members of both programs have given me, is like a priceless diamond. And when I remember its value by making it a priority to take the time, to do my part, in practicing and sharing the program each and every day, ILML! 

– JamieQ

“The very act of paying attention to something increases the possibility that it will continue to occur.” – Attitudes of Gratitude in Love 

This is, of course, another way to describe the phenomenon of manifest destiny. We have much more power than we know to create the life we want to live. And we can do so simply by becoming extremely conscious of what we think about. Focusing on abundance, love, gratitude, joy, serenity, peace, harmony, health, creativity, helpfulness, self-care, integrity, and all the good things that are ever present brings more of it into our lives. Conversely, focusing on all the problems, the things we wish were different, our frustrations, our ailments, people that bother us, those things that are not going our way, our stresses, and our difficulties create more of those things and feelings in our lives. I’ve been asked often how exactly we change our focus and direct our thinking along spiritual lines consistently throughout each day. My answer is always the same. Consistent, diligent, practice of rituals designed to refocus our minds upon all the wonderful things that are here now, and all the wonderful things that are coming our way. I call practicing theses rituals that invite abundance “Doing the Daily Deal”. And I’m living proof that it works because I’m one of a very few that Do the Daily Deal very religiously and I can tell you very honestly that… ILML! 

– JamieQ