recovery

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Understanding Boundaries

“I have often tried to change other people to suit my own desires… this outlook put a strain on my relationships… knowing my own boundaries does not mean forcing others to change… the focus, today, is on me.” – Courage to Change pgs. 244 & 345

After over 30 years in recovery I still catch myself, not only wanting others to change to suit me, but attempting to get them to do so. I have 1000 justifications for asking them to change, many of them very reasonable. However, a better solution is to make requests (with zero expectation of change) to another when I feel their behavior feels uncomfortable. Then I can surrender the outcome to my HP and use my tools to get back into gratitude and love – regardless of the other person’s response to my request. That’s how I work my program when I’m in the solution. Today I’m in the solution, and because of that… ILML! – James

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Stop, Drop & Roll

“When there is a fire in your life, a problem that you have been unable to stop the spread of, do not try to fight it on your own… Just for today, go back to kindergarten. Stop! Drop! And Roll!” – Until Today

Before the program, but after I had emotionally separated from my dependence upon my family of origin, I felt alone and on my own. At first it was wonderful, but after years of feeling responsible for all my “problems”, I started to feel like a victim and unable to handle life alone. This feeling, even more than drugs and alcohol, drove me to the rooms. And Thank God it did! Today I have the support of the fellowship, a loving HP, and a vast array of tools to guide me out of the problem and into the solution. This new way of living is what makes me a life lover, and believe me, today, like most days, ILML! – James

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Just a Beginning

“Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us … now we begin to have a spiritual experience… We feel we are on the Broad Highway walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.” BB of 75

After reading this, and finishing step 5, I thought that I would forever feel at peace, never be fearful again, and always feel the presence of my HP. But my sponsor told me, if that were true, why bother with the remaining 7 steps? He pointed out the words like “we can” and “we begin”, reminding me that, although I will begin to experience peace, start surrendering fears, and feel the presence of a loving God, I must continue the work if I want to have them in my daily life. So I finished my steps, felt great, and then slowly over the next 10 years or so, lost my connection, lost my peace, and became fearful – all in sobriety.

In 2002, at 20 years sober, and again finding myself experiencing another emotional hangover, I embarked on a new rigorous, daily program of action.

Aside from prayer, meetings and sponsorship, the meat of my program was my Golden Hour.

Each morning I would spend an hour or more reading both program and recovery literature. Then I would choose one reading and send out a spiritual text (like this – but shorter) to my recovery group. During that time I meditated, did a 10th step, wrote a gratitude list, and planned my meeting. Afterwards I made some 12 step phone calls.

Today, at 31 years sober, this is still my ritual, and it really is what puts me at peace, in acceptance, reduces my fears, and connects me to my HP – which is my source of love and gratitude. Although I still have problems, things don’t go my way, and people don’t act as I wish, my ability to let Go and let God is greatly increased, and I can much more easily find happiness, contentment and gratitude, regardless of what is happening with the people, places and things in my life. ILML – James

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Eternally Grateful

“Through prayer, and meditation I open channels, then establish and improve my conscious contact with God… By maintaining my spiritual condition, by giving away what had been so freely given to me, I am granted a daily reprieve.” – Daily Reflections

When I have it, money is nice. So is being married to my wonderful wife. As is owning a small business and being the father of 4 great kids. I’m grateful to live in a safe, cozy apartment (both in Maui and Santa Monica). But as great as it is to have these people, places and things in my life, they are the benefits of the peace I get from working the program, rather than the source of it. Without my commitment to the program, even if I had all these gifts, I couldn’t appreciate them or be happy. I thank the 12 steps and all of you for showing me the way. I am eternally grateful and ILML! – James

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Peace of Mind

“We enjoy … real peace of mind. To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxiety – in other words, to all of us – this newfound peace is a priceless gift…” 12&12

It took me some time to accept the fact that those three – excitement, depression, & anxiety – were very prevalent feelings in my life prior to recovery. Peace, serenity & balance were not goals I strived for (I thought they were boring). Today, my entire outlook of life has changed. Peace, serenity & balance are my best friends – and I derive delicious satisfaction and contentment from hanging out with them. The 12 steps have given me a new manual for living – a new purpose – and by following this simple design for living, I really have been launched into the 4th dimension. I know how truly lucky I am, which is why ILML so much! – James

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Warrior Monk

“Meditation.. is essentially an individual adventure… it’s object is always the same: to improve our conscious contact with God… One if its fruits is emotional balance.” 12&12 p101-102

I was shown that how we discover a higher power, and what that higher power looks like, can be unique to each of us, if we want. That was the case for me. The same goes for meditation. I can easily get down on myself because I don’t meditate the way I think I’m supposed to (palms facing up on my crossed knees, sitting, back straight, eyes closed, like David Carradine in Kung Fu). But I’ve learned that I don’t need to be a warrior monk to meditate – even just closing my eyes and taking one slow deep breath in and out can be my meditation (try it now). Whatever brings peace in, is meditation – even just smiling, or writing this post. The adventure into recovery sure is fun – I never know where I’ll go, but I do know I will grow spiritually along the way! ILML – James

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A Practical Recipe

“… a practical recipe for getting out of trouble… overcome any difficulty… have an open mind… stop thinking of the trouble, whatever it is… drive the thought of difficulty right out of your consciousness, substituting for it the thought of God. This is the crux of the whole thing.” – The Golden Key by Emmet Fox

This God thing is rough for a lot of people I know. How can we believe in something we can’t see? Why should we believe others that there is a God? If God exists, and is good, why all the bad stuff? I struggled for a long time with these questions until I just decided to believe 100%, knowing I may be just “pretending”. Today it doesn’t matter if God is or isn’t “real”. My truth is that my life is better with God in it – way better. I’m just way happier believing. Emmet’s Golden Key is a great reminder to me that if I think of my God (love, gratitude, peace), the problem loses its grip on my mind. I’m grateful for all the wonderful tools I continue to discover which show me how to love my life more fully. Everyday I’m super stoked that ILML! – James

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Sharing the Program

“… healthy meetings begin with me… I do my best to focus on sharing the positive rather than the negative… and encourage others to do the same… If a meeting doesn’t go well, I speak up and try to put in my share to get back on track.” Hope For Today

My favorite format for sharing at meetings is to first share a challenge I’ve recently experienced, then talk about how I applied the program to it, and finally describe the outcome, even if its just a better attitude or acceptance. This method of sharing is program-centered, makes me feel good about contributing to the fellowship, and helps remind others that our program offers solutions to problems other than just alcohol and drugs. And I learned this from watching other healthy members of our program share. I love the program, and ILML! – James

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The 5th Dimension

“There is a solution… self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confessions of our shortcomings… pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet… we have been rocketed into a forth dimension of existence which we had never even dreamed.” – BB p25

It’s funny how simple truths are – they’re, simple. Statements like clean house, trust God and be of service. Or Keep coming back. Or it works IF you work it. Took me 20 years in the program to realize there is a simple recipe for everyone to love life in sobriety, I just had to find mine. Mine is to pray, meditate, have a “Golden Hour” each day to read recovery literature, journal my inventory and gratitude, send out a recovery text, reach out to my fellowship circle, and then get to a meeting. When I follow the recipe that works for me I always do a better job at practicing our principles in all my other affairs. By doing this consistently my life has been rocketed into the forth dimension and I’m currently headed for the fifth – whatever that may be. ILML!!!

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Thank You

Thank you for another day, the chance to live, to feel, for happiness that comes from giving, for friends and peace and the morning sun. Thank you again God for another day.”- Adapted from 12 Step Prayer Book

This simple, beautiful message reminds me that just by virtue of being alive today I have been given the opportunity to celebrate so many wonderful things. I choose to focus on the abundance of blessings before me, instead of what my disease would tell me to think about (unmet expectations in me, my life and others around me). In turn, my life is epically amazing and I’m the luckiest man I know. ILML 🙂