James’ Messages

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The 5th Dimension

“There is a solution… self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confessions of our shortcomings… pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet… we have been rocketed into a forth dimension of existence which we had never even dreamed.” – BB p25

It’s funny how simple truths are – they’re, simple. Statements like clean house, trust God and be of service. Or Keep coming back. Or it works IF you work it. Took me 20 years in the program to realize there is a simple recipe for everyone to love life in sobriety, I just had to find mine. Mine is to pray, meditate, have a “Golden Hour” each day to read recovery literature, journal my inventory and gratitude, send out a recovery text, reach out to my fellowship circle, and then get to a meeting. When I follow the recipe that works for me I always do a better job at practicing our principles in all my other affairs. By doing this consistently my life has been rocketed into the forth dimension and I’m currently headed for the fifth – whatever that may be. ILML!!!

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Faith Filled & Fear Free

“I am faith filled and fear free..”
– Until Today

This is the intro to every page for the month of August in Iyanla Vanzant’s book, and it’s become a mantra for me, particularly in times of difficulty. I’m a big believer in affirmations, and being empowered by a faith that keeps me in the light, while free of fears that keep me in darkness, is one of the greatest gifts I know – one I hope everyone can find. Today, if I get upset, uncomfortable, or downhearted, I’ll remember her words and say them out loud until I believe them again. This is just another life loving shortcut on this path of life in recovery! ILML!

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Filled to the Brim

“In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. The next step is letting go… Sometimes I even have to go to the point of saying “… I realize its important to me, but … I’m going to be absolutely happy without it and without any hope of getting it, because hoping to get it is making me nuts.”… We often can have what we really want and need, or something better. Letting go is part of the what we do to get it” – The Language of Letting Go

This reading reminds me clearly that I’m only in charge of the footwork, not the results. Waiting, hoping and praying for the result I think is best for me (and sometimes others) makes me unhappy. It’s actually an expectation which, if unmet, will cause a resentment. That’s why surrendering works so well. There’s a prayer called Letting Go in the 12 Step Prayer Book. In it, the person praying surrenders their broken dreams to God, but eventually snatches them back, crying “How can you be so slow?”. To which God replies “My child, what could I do? You never did let go.” In other words, pretending to turn it over with the secret desire of hoping to get what I want doesn’t work either!

But here’s the amazing news: When I choose to remember and believe that my HP has my back and knows what is best for me – that what I get and DON’T get is perfectly designed for me to have a life beyond my wildest dreams – then my faith allows me to fully surrender and make room for all the good stuff that’s trying to come into my life. This is my experience, and I have a life filled to the brim (overflowing actually) with good stuff to prove it! ILML

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A Limitless Lode

“… he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest if his life and insists on giving away the entire product” BB pg. 129

Just another reminder that trusting God, cleaning house and being of service are daily, rather than periodic, suggestions, for those of us who seek unlimited opportunities to expand our level of happiness, joy and freedom. It really does work, IF we work it. To me, it’s 1000% worth it. I work it hard and consistently, and as a result… ILML!!!! Let me know if you’re a life lover too! – James

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Focus on the Good Stuff

“Awareness is like a flashlight that illuminates whatever it is shown upon. Shine it one what’s wrong in your life, and in will feel pretty bleak. Shine it on what’s right, and you’ll be basking in the glow of the sunlight of the spirit. It really is that simple. ” – Adapted & Inspired by Attitudes of Gratitude in Love, page 49

Although the original reading was directed toward our love lives, it certainly also applies to my life in general. It goes hand-in-hand with what Dr. Paul in our program said ” I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance and off my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see I’ve never had it so good.” A great reminder for a guy who wants to do whatever I can to be happy, joyous and free. Keep my focus on the good stuff in life… ILML! – James

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An Easier, Softer Way

“I instinctively want to fix problems, and they don’t have to be mine. In fact, most of the time they’re not… doing for others what they need to do for themselves… enabled them to be irresponsible… robs others of the self-esteem that comes from struggling with and conquering the challenges…” Hope For Today

I can’t speak for women, but as a man, and a sponsor of many other men, I can tell you that this desire to “fix” runs very deep for many of us. It’s actually been one of the biggest problems in my relationship with others. Instead of listening and having empathy (or at least compassion), I offer solutions. Today I realize that, unless I’m asked for help, usually others just want me to listen and love. When I do this, instead of trying to offer my unsolicited opinion and advice, my relationships go a whole lot smoother. Grateful for all these wonderful tools. ILML! – James

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Rule 62

“I am no longer a victim, full of self-pity and bent on control of every aspect of my life. Today I can take myself and my circumstances more lightly. I can even allow joy and laughter to be a part of a difficult experiences. – Courage to Change

Change and transitions can often be uncomfortable and scary for me.but today I trust that my HP will open doors for me that will provide experiences beyond my wildest dreams. As I surrender disappointment from unmet expectations, gratitude flows in, and suddenly… ILML!

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Respond in Love

“Do you react, or do you respond?… The first implies an immediate answer; the second connotes thoughtful consideration before replying.” – You Can’t Make Me Angry p.69

When I react I’m often defensive, justifying my position, disrespectful, and thinking in terms of black & white / right & wrong. But if I win, they feel hurt, and angry, so really, I still lose. The solution, as always, is gracing the space between the impulse and my reaction by breathing in deeply, connecting to my HP, then responding with love. In this way there are no losers, no one is wrong, and we both win! ILML – James

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Live in the Program

“Live in the program, not in the problem.” – You Can’t Make Me Angry p.107

For the last week my wife and I have been dealing with a family problem. We have been eating, drinking, and breathing it. Blaming each other too. The problem pulled us apart, and I love her so much. Finally, in desperation, we turned to my sponsor, who shared his experience, strength & hope with us, using the program to get us back on the same team. The Lesson? No matter how hopeless a situation may feel, by using the tools of the program (Spiritual Readings, Journaling, Gratitude Lists, Meetings, Service, Sponsorship, Prayer & Meditation), we can make it better. Now, again, I can really LML.

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Emotional Independence

“Emotional independence means deciding to have a good day no matter how others are feeling, no longer punishing others for past behavior or pouting, and not staying upset simply because the person we love is upset.”
– Adapted from You Can’t Make Me Angry p112-113

Wow, this is really tough for me and shines a light on my codependent habits. I’ve always wanted those I love to be happy, and often futilely try to “fix their feelings”. Whether I actually have a part in their hurt or anger, my attachment to their feelings should end with my amends. Afterwards I need only work my program to the best of my ability, in an attempt to be happy, joyous and free in each and every one of the remaining minutes, hours, days or years that I am blessed to be alive. Today I’ll care but not carry around their unhappiness. Instead I’ll focus on goodness, love and abundance so I can LML as much as possible! Have an epic day!