The Best Words To Use

If I repeatedly make similar suggestions… I am probably trying to control… Trying to control other people only gets me in trouble.”

— Courage to Change

The problem for me is that I really would like them to change their behavior because, at least in my opinion, it’s unacceptable. But I’ve found the word “unacceptable” is, well, unacceptable, since I believe that acceptance is the first part of the answer to all my problems. The second part is either to take reasonable action or let it go.

A better solution for me is as follows: First I identify what behaviors from others make me uncomfortable. (Hint: writing these down helps.) Next I let others know—in a kind way—when it occurs (they don’t have ESP), and how I will handle it. Finally, I practice consistency in identifying the uncomfortable behavior and detaching, allowing others to learn what is, and is not, ok with me (in other words, they usually get tired of me detaching and stop behaving in ways that make me uncomfortable and cause me to detach).

In detaching I’ve found the best words to use with others are something like:

I’m uncomfortable and need a little space to work my Program. We can talk later.

Then I must quickly separate myself physically from that person before I react. In this way I take myself out of the problem and into the solution. I let the other person clearly know that I’m uncomfortable without blaming, and simultaneously keep my side of the street clean (no amends required).

Each time I do this, I celebrate a little victory, because whenever I apply the principles of the program… ILML!

— JamieQ

Loving Life on Valentines Day

From Attitudes of Gratitude: “The more loving we are, the more love we feel”.

A great message for Valentine’s Day. As wondrous as the love from relationships is, we can also experience love in so many other ways. Loving nature, loving the gift of life, sobriety, sleeping, eating, sight, taste, the sun on our face are just a few. By living consciously aware of so much to love, loving all of it, and sharing our love of life with others, we get to celebrate our passion of being alive with everyone we come into contact with. Spreading our life loving mantra all over the world. Happy Valentines Day and thanks for sharing your love of life with me.

Judgements, Resentments & Self-pity

“We should avoid extreme judgments, both of ourselves and of others…” 12&12 p82

Resentments and self-pity start with a negative judgement. Though the thing I’m judging may in fact be “not ok”, my suffering comes more from regurgitating it. In recovery I live in awareness of how that type of thinking prevents me from being happy, so I must choose to let it go, and find something to be grateful for. Only by doing this do I get to get back to the business of loving my life!