alanon

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Investing in the Great Life

“Faith is a spiritual skill to be cultivated.” – Hope for Today

The reason that this particular excerpt resonates so well for me is that it pinpoints this reality:

If I want to attain & maintain something valuable to me in this life, I need to step up and do the work to get & keep it.

That means that I need to invest the time and energy to take specific concrete actions in order to help me move closer to my goal.

It’s sort of like working an actual job. If I want to earn money, I need to put in the work. Right?

Faith is exactly the same. If I suddenly fully believe in something (like God, the program, living in the moment, etc) I will attain both enlightenment and receive all the gifts that come with it. Nope. That’s not how it works.

In order to feel great, think positively, have an attitude of gratitude, get and stay spiritually connected, have fantastic relationships, experience the most amazing life I possible can, I have to invest the time, energy & work to get it.

This is where the rubber meets the road. Want a great body! Great! But you’ll need to work for it. Start by switching to a super healthy diet, you’ll likely feel like your starving for a while. Now do rigorous strength exercises six days a week making sure you get at least 45 minutes of heavy cardio in. You’ll likely be very sore for awhile. But, if you do the work consistently no matter how you feel, it’s guaranteed: you will have a great body.

When it comes to earning money and physical health, there’s no magic pill or shortcut to attain success.

The same is true for all the rest. I have to invest in a great life if I want one. When I spend the 2 hours each day practicing my spiritual, emotional, and physical work, followed by 8-10 hours of financial work, making sure I leave time each day to be of service to others and engage in fun hobbies and recreation, I get to be rocketed into the forth dimension, my faith in this process continues to grow and… ILML!

— JamieQ

How to Overcome Problems
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How to Overcome Problems

“We all need to share some of our problems from time to time. However, I soon realized that dwelling on them week after week, with no movement towards recovery, was not helping me.” — Hope for Today

Reading this inspired me to write about my experience, both in dealing with recurring problems, and helping out others in dealing with them.

Below I’ve listed a few examples of the most common ones I’ve come across. When reading them, ask yourself if you’ve ever had any of these problems, or heard others complain about them.

GREEN (finances)

‘I’m not making enough money. I’m worried that I can’t keep this up financially. What if the next deal doesn’t happen. I’m homeless, with no place to sleep. I’ve no money even for food. No matter how much I make, I can’t get ahead. I got screwed on a deal. My client/boss isn’t paying me. I want more. I bought things I can’t afford. I’m losing my home because I can’t pay my mortgage. The medical bills are killing me. The creditors keep calling. I lied/was unethical/cheated to get ahead financially and now I’m in real trouble. The industry I’m in is on the decline. I’ve maxed out my credit cards. My credit score is terrible. I lost $100 from my pocket. My phone was cutoff because I’m broke. I now have to live in my car. My phone broke (again). My car got repossessed/towed. My wife makes more money than me. Everyone else seems to be making more money than me. My brother/sister/mom/dad/friend won’t loan my any money. I didn’t get the raise I was supposed to get. I didn’t get the promotion. I can’t afford an engagement ring. I can’t afford a wedding. Others at work are terrible people and affecting my financial situation. I got demoted. My work hours were cut back. Paying for rehab for my kid is bankrupting me. I was laid off. I was fired. I had to quit because I hated my boss. I declared bankruptcy. My lifestyle cost is more than I can afford. I’m scared I’ll lose everything.’ And the list goes on…

PINK (relationships)

‘I’m really unhappy in my relationship. She’s leaving me for someone else. She’s acting aloof. She never initiates sex. She cheated on me. She rejects me when I make sexual advances. She spends all of our money. She doesn’t love me the way I want her to. We don’t have sex often enough. She won’t get a job. She’s not raising/disciplining/taking care of the kids the way I want her to. She’s not keeping the house clean. She doesn’t like my friends/family. She drinks alcohol. She doesn’t let me surf. She smokes pot. She’s bipolar. She’s using sleeping pills. She’s rude to me in front of others. She tries to control me. She dresses slutty. She dresses too conservatively. Her breath is bad. Her friends suck. She doesn’t do anything to make our relationship better. She smokes cigarettes. She’s getting out of shape. She watches reality TV. She embarrasses me. She has differing political views. She’s religious. She’s not religious. She may not be right for me. I’m unhappy with her. And the list goes on…‘

Health (red)

I feel really sick. I have trouble sleeping. I’m depressed. I have anxiety. I’ve been ill so much this year. I’m exhausted. I have no energy. I can’t wake up in the morning. I have high blood pressure. I have high cholesterol. I’m anemic. I think I have heavy metal poisoning. Maybe there’s mold in my house. My allergies are terrible. I have hemorrhoids. I have canker sores. My knees/shoulders/arm/head/legs/stomach hurts. I’m breaking out. I’m losing my hair. I’m overweight. I can’t exercise because it hurts. My neck is killing me. I hear ringing in my ears. I have vertigo. I was diagnosed with a horrible chronic illness. I have an inoperable tumor. I was told to get my affairs in order. My mom/dad/sibling/aunt/grandparent/child/friend died. I’m devastated. I’m mentally suffering. I can’t breath. I have to go on oxygen. I’ve been prescribed heavy pain meds and have to take them. I’m heading to the hospital. I need to smoke pot to relax. And the list goes on…

By no means is this list of problems comprehensive or complete. But it should give you a pretty good idea of how much blaming we do, as humans. In fact, I would go so far as to say that these types of problems, thought about and spoken out loud, definitely contribute to the problems themselves. They may even help to manifest a problem, where one never really existed, except in our mind.

On the other hand, many times these problems are facts, grounded in concrete proof of their existence. Someone truly may be sick and diagnosed with an illness. There may in fact be infidelity in a relationship. We may have actually lost a job, and our ability to support ourselves may be in jeopardy. So what are we supposed to do in these situations?

In my life, whether fact or fantasy, how I approach the situation doesn’t change. The way I see it is as follows:

Negative thought will create or exacerbate my problem; positive thought will help resolve or eliminate my problem.

Now, finding a way to be positive in the face of adversity is never easy. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, our health, a relationship issue or our finances. Each of these things has the power to take us down.

I’ve personally been, and overcome, many challenging problems. The death of several very close loved ones, a terminal brain tumor, infidelity and the destruction of a marriage, to name just a few. And my ability to stay positive in the face of these events was always directly proportional to the amount of time I spent engaged rituals which improved my state of mind and helped me both love and appreciate my life. The key here is that I was doing these things on a regular basis PRIOR to the occupancies of the problem.

By consistently engaging in behaviors which keeps me in the attitude of gratitude, I’m better prepared to more graciously handle (and overcome) the problems that used to besiege me. In other words, equanimity will be available to me when I most need it.

Today I do the daily deal almost every day of my life, and, as a direct result of investing that time, I get to be happy, joyous, free, and… ILML!

— JamieQ

Making the Time
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Making the Time

“Peace of mind is the opposite of anxiety.” — Dictionary.com

I was writing in my ALAnon workbook “Reaching for Personal Freedom” this morning and wrote down,

Doing Step 8 and working with a sponsor to identify who we should make amends to, and then going out and making those amends as expeditiously as possible, is vital to the recovery of our peace of mind.

For me, the word recovery has always had a slight stigma to it. In my mind it’s typically associated with recovering from the effects of drugs, alcohol or other addictions.

Although I’ve been sober and quit taking drugs and alcohol long ago, the type of recovery I’ve always been seeking is exactly what I wrote down: peace of mind. In fact, that’s the reason I gave up drugs and alcohol in the first place.

What’s important about this little epiphany is that it may never have come to me had I not been doing the daily deal. I’m so grateful that I step up for myself each and everyday, because when I MAKE the time to do my recovery rituals, not only do I discover new and wonderful things, but… ILML!

— JamieQ

Loving Life is a Miracle
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Loving Life is a Miracle

It’s impossible to feel like life is full of miracles while addicted to drugs and alcohol. But getting, and staying, sober wasn’t all I wanted—I wanted to love my life so much that I’d feel like shouting it out every day!

Today I do, and it’s amazing. Here are the three steps it took (and continue to take) to become someone who spends most of my time loving life, being happy, joyous and free.

The first step was for me to decide that, since I was now sober, becoming a life lover was my next top priority. More important than making money. More important than accomplishing other tasks. More important than putting others’ needs above mine. I became willing to take any and all positive actions I could to love my life. Not just like it, love it!

Once that commitment was out of the way, the second step was to have a consistent morning routine which included meditation, connecting with source, mirror talk, singing, dancing, showering and straightening up, exercising, reading and listening to things that are uplifting, writing out what your grateful for, and taking a written inventory of my last 24 hours and writing down how I felt at that moment. Sounds like a lot? It is. Nothing great happens without commitment and work. I spend a lot of time and do a lot of work each day to love my life, and it’s 100% worth the investment.

The third, and perhaps most important, way to assure that I would love my life, and continue to do so, was to share my passion for loving life with others and help them discover how to be a life lover. I do this in meetings (AA, AlAnon, NarAnon and Life Lovers) and with everyone I meet. There’s a sign on the front door to my office “If this door is locked we’re out loving life!”, and notes all over my home about gratitude and loving life. As we’ve heard many times, “We have to give it away to keep it”.

Today I choose to believe that EVERYTHING is a miracle, because when I live in that frame of mind… ILML!

One Interpretation of God
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One Interpretation of God

“From low to high, the levels of consciousness are: shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride, courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, enlightenment.” — Power vs. Force by David R. Hawkins

I was texting with a friend this morning about our concepts of a higher power. I said:

I love that we get to choose who or what our higher power is. Mine is love, gratitude, compassion, happiness, etc. It’s also my higher consciousness, as opposed to my lower consciousness.

His response was:

Yeah, I notice mine changes constantly, but I really dig the idea of higher vs lower consciousness.

Having been a guy with very low self esteem, angry at myself and the world around me, I used alcohol and drugs to deal with my thoughts and feelings. As a result of how I felt, my behavior was often self-centered, unkind, and destructive. I was operating from a place of shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire and anger. In other words, I was fully connected to, and acting out of, my lower consciousness.

After doing the daily readings, journaling, gratitude lists, meditations, fellowship, and service work for many years, I began to start practicing and experiencing a healthy sense of pride, I became more courageous, started becoming more willing to evolve, opening up to the idea of acceptance, and ultimately I began to experience more love, joy, peace and enlightenment. In other words, I started moving away from my lower consciousness and began connecting to my higher consciousness.

For many of us who are not comfortable with religion, the word God is so intrinsically tied to religion that it’s difficult for us to connect to, or even believe in, the idea of God.

Though these days I’m cool with the words God and Higher Power, I still interpret those words as “My Higher Consciousness.” It just makes sense to me. Others interpret them as they choose, so I believe I have a right to my beliefs. And I’ve discovered that the more diligent I am at consistently practicing rituals which keep me connected with my higher, rather than my lower, consciousness, the more ILML!

— JamieQ

Only Powerless Alone
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Only Powerless Alone

“We admitted we were powerless…” Step One, AA

We are not really powerless. We have the power to drink alcohol. We have the power to use drugs. We have the power to live selfishly. We have the power to focus on how bad life is. We have the power to blame, hurt others, hurt ourselves, be angry, live in self-pity and hate our life. We have lots of power.

What most of us have come to realize is that, alone, by ourselves, without the help from others who have overcome those things in life that have held them down, we cannot change the trajectory of our life. We cannot stop drinking and drugging. We cannot stop blaming and feeling hurt. We cannot love our lives.

So when we say we are powerless, what we really mean is help me. I’m powerless to become what I want to be without help. I’m powerless to change all the behaviors that hurt me and others without help. I’m powerless to create a life I love, to really love myself, without help. Please, help me.

The beauty of the program is that we get to meet others who have overcome their powerlessness through the help of others, and transformed a life of misery into a life they love. And by learning from them how to do this ourselves, we then get the opportunity to have that life beyond our wildest dreams, and help others to have one too. It’s an endless circle of love. Loving others, loving ourselves, loving life.

And when I get, and stay, right in the middle of that circle, while reaching out my hands to as many others as I can to bring them in… ILML!

— JamieQ

A 16 Second Pause
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A 16 Second Pause

“… we usually have at least a moment to breathe deeply and restore our serenity and peace.” – The Language of Letting Go

I have a friend of mine who seems to keep a calm composure far frequently than most. Though I’ve seen him get upset, it’s rare.

One day I noticed that he seems to take these long, big breaths often times when asked a question, and before answering. Once I actually timed it in my mind. Including the word “well…,” spoken slowly after the breath and before he spoke any other words, it was a 16 second pause!

So I finally got the nerve up and asked him,”What’s that all about?”

As I suspected, he told me that was his way of giving himself enough time to appropriately respond rather than react. Basically, he’s gracing the space between the impulse to say something he may regret, and instead speak while practicing equanimity.

More and more I’ve been practicing this little trick, and each time I do, I’m improving my chances that… ILML!

— JamesQ

Sharing Gratitude
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Sharing Gratitude

“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” — Maryanne Williamson

Have you ever known someone who seems to always be complaining about someone or something in life? Have you ever found yourself doing the same thing?

The truth is, that we we tend to get really good and what we practice. If we’re practicing tennis, we become a better tennis player. If we practice painting, we become a better painter. And if we practice focusing on what’s making us unhappy, we become better at being unhappy.

So it stands to reason that if we want to be really happy, to have peace and serenity, and to really love our lives, we should practice being grateful for all that we have. Luckily, this is something that’s very easy to do.

Me and many of my life-loving friends practice being grateful each day by writing gratitude lists to each other. The simple practice of writing out a text with the good things going on in our life, and sending it out to others who share their lists with us, shifts our perception from one of lack, to one of abundance.

And for those of you who want to start this practice but don’t have someone to share your list with, share it with me and I’ll send you mine! By sharing my gratitude with others, I manifest more things to be grateful for, which is one if the principle reasons why… ILML!

— JamieQ

Emotional Hangovers
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Emotional Hangovers

“When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate… This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.” – Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p.53

This reminds me of the following quote on page 60 of Alcoholics Anonymous “Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased.”

This is how I ALWAYS lived before getting sober and learning a new, better way to live in AA, AlAnon and NarAnon. Whereas AA gave me my physical sobriety, fellowship, an opportunity to be of service, a Higher Power, and the chance to clean up the wreckage of my past and begin being a better man, AlAnon & NarAnon gives me my emotional sobriety – allowing me to practice equanimity and have serenity, even in the face of difficulties.

For me, personal relations, getting along with others, the desire to be liked, loved and appreciated, were all areas of life that I needed help with. Having lived most of my life by sheer self-propulsion, running my own show, trying to run others’ shows as well, and constantly thinking about me and mine, letting go of those behaviors wasn’t easy. But the emotional hangovers I was experiencing were simply too much.

Over the years I’ve discovered that when I practice the AlAnon/NarAnon way of living, the better I get along with others, the happier I am with me, the less needy I become, the more I rely on myself for the love I desperately want to feel, and the more abundant my life becomes. While the love others give me is a wonderful added bonus, it’s no longer necessary for me to love my life. And these days, thanks to the 12 step programs, and working a rigorous program of daily action… ILML!

— JamieQ

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“It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do… What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” — Alcoholic Anonymous p.85

Did you ever wonder where the phrase resting on our laurels came from? Well, here’s the answer. During the 6th century BC in Ancient Greece, winners competing in arts and dance in the Pythian Games received a wreath made from bay laurel leaves, sacred to Apollo.

Resting on your laurels means to be satisfied with one’s past success and to consider further effort unnecessary. This is a dangerous proposition for those of us seeking enhanced spiritual growth, an increase in the joy of living, and better relationships with others.

Frequently we see individuals come into the rooms of 12 step program seeking recovery from their situation and feelings. At first they hunger with willingness and determination, going to any length to improve the way the feel and their circumstances. But as life gets better, a good job comes along, some money starts rolling in, they get a new place to live, or fall in love and eventually these new responsibilities and enjoyable activities begin to pull them away from the program and fellowship.

Often they think, “Life is great now, I don’t need to go to as many meetings, or journal regularly, or read from those books, or meditate, or call my sponsor so often, or have service commitments, or sponsor others, or do my daily affirmations.”

We’ve all seen what happens next. It’s just a matter of time until the hammer falls, and their world cracks open, and they come hobbling back in, broken, devastated, and seeking help. Or worse, they don’t make it back. Ever.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so wisely once said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” With regard to spiritual action, I’m taking her advice. When I stick close to my program of action, instead of resting on my laurels… ILML!

— JamieQ