gratitude

The Green Zone
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The Green Zone

The mind is an unusual thing. Unlike our hands, lips or eyes, our minds aren’t quite as easily controlled. At times they take off on their own, regardless of what we may, or may not, want our minds to do. Thinking, “Grab that cup of coffee,” always works for me. But thinking, “I want to feel better right now,” rarely works in the same way.

So what can we do? How can we tame our feelings when they are out of control? How do we stop destructive thoughts that recycle over and over, like a merry-go-round in our brain?

Here’s my solution: once I’m aware of what’s happening, and I’ve decided I want it to stop, I pick up my bag of recovery tools and inject a strong dose of the solution from each tool into my mind.

Like an engine revving too high, way into the red zone (where everything is NOT okay), I need to bring it back down into the green zone (where everything runs smoothly), before it blows up my life.

Each of the tools I employ are designed to get me out of anger, hopelessness, worry and a feeling of victimization and return me to a place of gratitude, hopefulness, peace and a feeling of abundance.

The actions I’m speaking of are outlined here in this website and in many of my blog posts. Each one is an actual concrete, physical action that requires me to stop what I’m doing and invest time into using the tool, which then results in a positive shift in my perception.

I no longer need to sit around when my mind is thinking about upsetting things, or when I’m feeling down. I’m not interested in being unhappy for even one extra second than I have to. The program offers me a huge array of options to get out of misery and into happiness. And I can do it as quickly as I want, whenever I’m ready.

My feelings and thoughts are not the result of what others are doing to me, or what’s happening in my life—that’s a lie I used to tell myself to play the victim. I now recognize that I have 100% control over my thoughts and feelings. Not 99%, 100%.

The faster I recognize my discomfort, shut my mouth, grab my tools and get back in the green zone, the less destruction I create for myself and others, the more fun I get to have, and the faster I get back into the place where… ILML!

—JamieQ

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Getting in the GZ

“God, please help me to want what you want.” – Hope for Today

This reading talks about perceiving the idea of turning our will and life over to God, as our 3rd step suggests, in a way that doesn’t mean giving up our will. Instead, it says that “Developing a healthy relationship with my Higher Power is about teamwork,” and also encourages us to align our will with God’s.

That’s why the prayer above is such a great one for me. You see, I honestly believe that God’s will for me is to be happy, joyous and free. I think my HP wants me to experience unlimited abundance and love, and then share it with everyone I can. If that’s the case, of course I want exactly what God wants for me. Wouldn’t you?

When I’m in the God Zone (something Chris, one of my sponsees, put on his gratitude list today, I’m really wanting exactly what God wants for me, and… ILML!

— JamieQ

A Concrete Set of Actions
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A Concrete Set of Actions

“Beginning with childhood, we all receive messages that… we must have… possessions, and prestige to be happy… giving what we have to help someone else makes us a lot happier…” – In God’s World

I often share this exact sentiment with others, something I’ve experienced first hand. After graduating college, I found myself working at a big company, wearing a 3 piece suite, driving a Mercedes 230SL, in what I considered a healthy romantic relationship and living in my newly owned co-op that I had recently renovated. Guess how I felt? You got it… unhappy, unfulfilled, and confused as to why I wasn’t happy. By the way, I was sober too, and had been for a few years.

What was missing? Oh, just about everything the program offers. Fellowship, a working knowledge of the steps, using the program’s principles in all my affairs, comfort in finding my part when upset and making amends quickly, an understanding of, and great relationship with, a higher power of my understanding, and perhaps most importantly, the desire, ability, and commitment to share what I learned in recovery with others (which at that time was nothing), helping to positively contribute to their lives. When I started putting all the other pieces together, that last part gave me the added gifts of both friendship and intimacy.

So what about money, property and prestige? Isn’t that important? Why can’t I have those too?

Well, of course I love those things–I’d be a liar if I said otherwise. Having money gives me a perception of financial security I long for and often feel I don’t have. Owning a house does the same thing, along with eliminating the fear of being evicted by a landlord or having my rent increase. Owning a nice car makes me feel good, is comfortable, and takes away the fear of not being able to get somewhere easily or dependably. And prestige? Well, I’ve discovered that I do care what others think about me–in spite of that often heard saying “What others think about me is none of my business.” But rather than wanting them to think I’m financially successful, it makes me feel much better to have them think I’m a kind, loving, helpful, emotionally stable, happy life lover. And that they know I’m aspiring to be a great husband, father, brother, son, sponsee–in truth, a great man. The money and things are great, but I believe they come (in the perfect amount and at the perfect time) when I work my program.

And speaking of working my program, I just wanted to say that for me, the program is more than meetings and calling my sponsor. I did that for years and it wasn’t enough – honestly I felt lost. I also sponsored others during that time, doing the two-step dance, and I wasn’t loving my life.

Today I’ve developed a concrete set of recovery actions that help me become the best man I can be, and experience the most emotional comfort I can have. That list includes:

• Attending at least 3, but preferably at least 4, meetings a week – one being an AlAnon meeting, and (if possible) one being a Double Winners meeting.

•  Staying in communication with my sponsor, particularly when I’ve tried all other program solutions and still feel lost and/or confused.

• Reading recovery literature, and being sure to highlight in, and write at the top of, the pages I read each day.

• Writing recovery posts and texts like this, sharing them both on my blog and in texts to my core recovery group.

• Writing and sharing gratitude lists with others

• Making my bed daily

• Entering and exiting my bed from my knees where I connect with source

• Journaling with a pen and paper to take my inventory and examine the areas of my life I love and those I’d like to work on or surrender to my higher power.

• Making time to listen to affirmation-oriented loving meditations.

• Being productive toward making, and maintaining, myself as a financially self-supporting individual.

• Keeping my thoughts, efforts and physical surroundings organized to maximize my efficiency and sense of comfort.

• Engaging in hobbies that feed my creativity.

• Eating sensibly and healthily, but giving myself permission for occasional indulgences as a reward for being fit.

• Making time to get close to, and appreciate, the awesome nature that surrounds me.

• Being of service to others without monetary compensation, both in group settings, and one-on-one.

• Exercising my body by stretching and getting pushing my body to places that make me breath hard and both exercise my heart and keep my muscles strong.

I’m not perfect. I don’t get all  of them done every day. I fall short of perfection. However, the more discipled I am about practicing these actions on a daily basis, the less uncomfortable I am when my expectations are unmet by others, or when situations don’t turn out as I hope, and the more… ILML!!

– JamieQ

How to Live a Great Life
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How to Live a Great Life

“Al-Anon is like physical therapy for my soul, aligning my principles and behavior so that I can move joyfully through life!” — The Forum, March 1988, Hope for Today

What a wonderful analogy. This morning I did my mediation, prayers, and affirmations, leaving myself feeling spiritually centered.

Then I got up, made my bed, straightened my house, leaving myself feeling clean and organized.

Then I did my yoga, ran some wind sprints, lifted some weight and ran through some body core exercises, leaving myself feeling strong and healthy.

Then I showered, shaved, dressed nicely, groomed myself and drank a bunch of water, leaving myself feeling refreshed, handsome and hydrated.

Now I’m at Starbucks, doing my journaling, sending out my gratitude list, writing this blog post, reading from my spiritual backpack and infusing my mind with AlAnon ideas and principles, leaving myself feeling joyful and open to the abundance of the day.

In a little while I’ll be at a job I love to do, which also provides a great service to others, leaving myself feeling productive and self-supporting.

Later today I’ll stop working for a bit, play guitar and drink tea with my friends and brother, who are all in the program, sharing hobbies and fellowship, leaving myself feeling a sense of community, belonging and love.

After writing this all down, it’s evident to me why I love making the program a central and integral part of my life. It’s also easy to see why… ILML!

– JamieQ

Accepted, Surrendered & Grateful
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Accepted, Surrendered & Grateful

“Thank you, Higher Power, for this beautiful day… Place in my path some way to serve others… May I feel your presence today…” – 12 Step Prayer Book

Lately, I’ve been in the groove. The spiritual, recovery, life loving groove, that is. And it’s odd because my General Manager quit on Tuesday, March 27th, and we are on deadline at work – usually a time when we are severely overworked and need everyone’s help. In this situation it would be completely understandable to be panicked or upset. Interested enough, I’ve being feeling happy, excited and optimistic. So what’s up?

Here’s what I think it is. On March 19th, just 8 days before she quit, one of my sponsees (Chris H) let me know he was starting the 21 Day Oprah Deepak Meditation Challenge, and I decided to join him. Prior to doing the daily morning meditation, both Oprah and Deepak talk about how to change our attitudes in order to perceive both life and ourselves in a very positive, uplifting way. Inspirational and optimistic, each morning these meditations have the affect of opening me up for abundance.

While those who love me are calling to express their deep concern about losing my manager while on deadline, I repeatedly tell them that I’m feeling better than ever about work and being able to handle it all easily myself, without any help at all. Of course, if the opportunity to find someone who’s a good fit comes along, great. If not, that’s great too. I’ve fully accepted, surrendered and am grateful for all of it.

This attitude that everything is perfectly fine and under control is not an illusion. The company really is doing great and I’m accomplishing twice as much with half the effort (I even snuck out to see the new Spielberg move).

Is it all because if the meditation? Who knows. But I’ll tell you one thing, since starting it I’m more connected to my higher power than my lower power, and when I’m in that place… ILML!

— JamieQ

The Illuminating Source
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The Illuminating Source

“Internalize the positive and keep the negative at bay.” — Oprah… “Positive input nourishes me at every level.” — Deepak

Our program tells us that lack of power is our dilemma. We didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, we can’t control it. So how then can we help to make sure that no negativity—or more specifically—no negative outcomes, occur in our life?

This is where the idea of detaching with love comes in. It’s easy to focus our attention on something that’s wonderful, something that feels good, or something that satiates a desire which we have had. But for many of us, it’s equally as easy to focus on something that is negative, something which causes hurt or fear, makeing us feel bad inside.

By mastering an awareness of the moment in which we feel uncomfortable, we empower ourselves with the ability to move away from those thoughts, feelings, actions, and words which cause us to feel unhappy, whether they’re coming from the outside, or from in ourselves.

In the beginning of this process, because we’re new at it, detaching can be awkward. I remember one of my sponsors saying to me, “If you can’t detach with love James, just detach with an axe. But for God’s sake, when things become toxic, get out of the situation or away from the person right away.”

Eventually, by doing the Daily Deal over and over again, infusing my mind, body and soul with positive affirmations and inspirational information, and then practicing those tools, I have learned how to quickly detach with love from most situations that I find cause me discomfort.

By gracing the space, even if just for a moment, I allow the illuminating source of light to enter me, giving me clarity of heart and mind, and preventing me from creating—or participating in—what easily could have been a catastrophe. And when that happens, instead of being unhappy… ILML!

— JamieQ

Learning to Love Ourselves
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Learning to Love Ourselves

“It may seem too simple to think that all we need to do is to decide to love ourselves. But that’s our task…” – In God’s Care

One of my sponsors who is no longer with us, Chuck, used to ask me if I believe that God loves me. By this time I had a solid concept of my higher power, and had a good relationship going with him. My answer was “yes.” Then he suggested that I love myself the way God loves me. I told him I wasn’t sure how.

That’s when I got the standard suggestion that every morning I look into the mirror, specifically into my eyes and say, “I love you James. I really love you.” Being the willing guy that I am, I took his suggestion. It only took me about three years of doing this almost every day to start believing it. But there’s another reason it started actually working.

I discovered it’s hard to really love myself when I’m an asshole. When I behave in ways that are really unbecoming, there’s not too much to love staring back at me in the mirror. So to love myself, I had to start changing. Reading the book Drop the Rock, was really the beginning of that awakening. The book You Can’t Make Me Angry helped me continue along my journey into letting go of those defects. I then created (and used) character defect worksheets to discover and discard those things that were getting in the way of me becoming a great man. I began to change into someone worth loving.

Now, because I do the Daily Deal to be the best person I can be, it really is as simple as deciding to love myself. But I’ve noticed a clear correlation between my consistency in doing the Daily Deal, and the degree of love I have for myself. As is with most things, the more I put in, the more I get out. And as long as I invest in the program, making it my top priority every day, I get to love myself and… ILML!

– JamieQ

 

Past & Future Slip Away
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Past & Future Slip Away

“Any kind of heaviness, be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, is caused by one burden, the heaviness of the past: old pain, traumas, and toxic memories.” – Deepak Chopra, 21 Day Meditation

When I reflect upon my dark past, those painful memories of things that happened in my life which I wish had never occurred, I am actively choosing to suffer. I know that sounds judgmental and mean, but it’s true. If I can stop it, it’s no longer something that is out of my control. It’s not unpreventable.

It’s true that in a past situations, I was a victim. I have made some really bad mistakes. I have hurt others, and I’ve been terribly hurt. But the past has passed. I am not being forced against my will to reflect upon or live in the past. Though it may feel as if I have no choice, I am not obligated to remember those painful experiences.

Likewise, anxiety exists only when I am reflecting on a potentially terrible future. In fact, by focusing continually upon painful past experiences, I can create anxiety by projecting those worst case scenarios into my future. Some people, including myself, believe that this behavior can actually manifest our worst fears.

The good news is that, with daily practice, we can train ourselves to stay out of both those painful thoughts of the past and the fearful ones of the future. By reading and practicing the simple suggestions in books like The Power of Now and The Miracle of Mindfulness, and by Googling “how to live in the moment,” and then choosing the tips and tools that resonate with us, we can eliminate most of our depression and fear. Sound too good to be true? It’s not.

There’s only one caveat: this process only gives us a reprieve for one day only. If we want freedom from depression and fear every day, we have to read, study and use the tools for staying in the present every day. I have found that missing even one day of my daily routine results in increased feelings of discomfort… almost instantly!

But when I invest time into the practice of living in the moment, the discomfort of my past and the fear of my future slip away, making room for me to enjoy the abundance of today, while simultaneously manifesting more of it for tomorrow. And when that happens, you can bet your bottom dollar that ILML!

— JamieQ

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An Unreligious God

“What the Catapillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.” —Richard Bach

At first I knew nothing about God except that my babysitter took me to a church where Jesus was nailed to a cross, blood dripping from his wounds. I came home and asked my dad “What’s God daddy?” and he said “God is love honey, the way it feels when mommy holds you in her arms.”

Later I took a class at USC called Seminar in Religious Studies and learned about different religious gods. I even spent the night with the Hare Krishnas to write a paper on that religion. My verdict: I didn’t like religion.

And then I came into the 12 step rooms and saw that word again: God. I tried to ignore it as I went to meetings, worked the steps, and fellowshipped with others. I did what I needed around this Higher power concept, the minimum, but didn’t believe in any God. To me, God meant religion.

Eventually I wanted more. I wanted the spiritual connection, love, faith, and all the stuff people talked about, but without god. Because, again, to me, God = Religion. On a radio show the host, an atheist, said “God is just a make believe friend for grownups.”

Sometimes, even though we hear something over and over, we don’t get it until it’s said differently. That day I wrote down what, if I had one, this make believe friend called God would be like. Funny, kind, helpful, smart, creative, loving, playful, trustworthy, and someone who really wants the best for me. I’ve believed in that make believe friend ever since. In fact, he’s a constant companion of mine.

When my mom died I thought it was the end of her life. Like the caterpillar, I can’t see into the future. Who really knows if it’s the end, or if it’s a transition into something more wonderful. And if I can’t know for sure, and feel like I need to believe something, why not believe she, and my baby brother, and my grandma, and my kitty have transitioned into the next, amazing level of existence. Oh, and guess who was by my side during each of those deaths? You got it. My make believe buddy. How do I know? I don’t. I simply choose to use my imagination to believe.

When I have blind, unprovable faith that everything is not only exactly the way it’s supposed to be, but that everything that’s happening is actually fantastic, ILML!

— JamieQ

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Spiritual Sunlight

“… true wealth… is the radiant joy of Being and the deep, unshakable peace that comes with it…” — The Power of Now

The radiant joy of being. I liken that concept to rays of spiritual sunlight shining from within my inner core outward, brightening the world around me and bringing spiritual sunlight into the lives of everyone near me. And that’s exactly how I feel when I’m plugged into source, connected with my higher purpose, languishing in love and gratitude. Sound corny? Well maybe it is.

But when I’m not feeling that way, it sucks. Sometimes it feels as though I’ll never get feel good again. And then I remember: I have a spiritual toolkit that’s been laid at my feet. All I have to do is pick it up, use the tools I’ve been given, and I can feel the sunlight of the spirit shine on me once again.

It’s true that life can be hard sometimes. Life can through me curveballs. Even the most reasonable expectations frequently don’t materialize. People often let me down. I frequently fail to live up to my own standards. I’ve been sick and in terrible pain many times. I’ve watched friends and family suffer, and some of them (very close to me) even die. Like I said, life can be hard sometimes.

But today I have a choice. I can focus on the struggle, the pain and the difficulties, or I can celebrate what’s great in my life. Today I’m healthy, sober, in recovery, have people I love, have people who love me, I can see and hear and smell and taste, I can sing and dance and celebrate life—but only if I choose to. Ultimately, it’s my choice.

So today I invite you to join me in a celebration of life. By putting our focus on gratitude we’ll invite many more great things into our lives which we will also be grateful for. After all these years in recovery, I know that it’s only when I actively choose to stay out of (or step out of) the dark thoughts of my mind, and shift my awareness onto the really wonderful things all around me, that ILML!

— JamieQ